Is this wrong or not?


#1

I am trying to live a 100% Christian holy life.

Today, my ex sent me a request on Facebook to "friend" him. I immediately blocked him.

He caused me a lot of pain and suffering that he has never apologized for. It was an abusive relationship and I am afraid of him. I'm already scared he knows my married name now and I'm afraid he knows where I live.

I have been working on forgiving him and others....I forgive him because I love Jesus but do I have to talk to him?

I just don't want to have anything to do with him because that is a part of my life that I am not proud of at all. I cannot communicate with him even if I wanted to.

My stomach is churning.

Am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring him? I don't trust him whatsoever, even after all of these years.


#2

You do whatever you need to do to feel safe and non-threatened. There is no sin in that. You are no longer with this man, you are not friends, you have no intention of being friendly. Blocking him is, in my mind, the right thing to do, based on the small bit of detail you have provided.

~Liza


#3

Thanks, Lizaanne. I'm so afraid this man is going to take Heaven away from me as well. And I know I need to get over it somehow but I just don't see the way right now.


#4

[quote="doanli, post:1, topic:244219"]
I am trying to live a 100% Christian holy life.

Today, my ex sent me a request on Facebook to "friend" him. I immediately blocked him.

He caused me a lot of pain and suffering that he has never apologized for. It was an abusive relationship and I am afraid of him. I'm already scared he knows my married name now and I'm afraid he knows where I live.

I have been working on forgiving him and others....I forgive him because I love Jesus but do I have to talk to him?

I just don't want to have anything to do with him because that is a part of my life that I am not proud of at all. I cannot communicate with him even if I wanted to.

My stomach is churning.

Am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring him? I don't trust him whatsoever, even after all of these years.

[/quote]

Unless you have minor children I would say there is no problem whatsoever totally ignoring him.


#5

[quote="estesbob, post:4, topic:244219"]
Unless you have minor children I would say there is no problem whatsoever totally ignoring him.

[/quote]

No we didn't have any children together, thank the Good Lord. ("Marriage" barely lasted a year.)


#6

Estesbob-- I love your tag line as well. :)


#7

I definitely believe it is right for you to block this guy and ignore any other attempts at contact he might make. If he was bad news then, he's likely bad news now. Even if he's changed, you are married now, and have no business remaining friends with an ex.


#8

[quote="doanli, post:5, topic:244219"]
No we didn't have any children together, thank the Good Lord. ("Marriage" barely lasted a year.)

[/quote]

Then there is absolutely no reason whatsoever you should have to have anything to do with him. It is not their responsibility to make him feel better.


#9

[quote="doanli, post:1, topic:244219"]
I am trying to live a 100% Christian holy life.

Today, my ex sent me a request on Facebook to "friend" him. I immediately blocked him.

He caused me a lot of pain and suffering that he has never apologized for. It was an abusive relationship and I am afraid of him. I'm already scared he knows my married name now and I'm afraid he knows where I live.

I have been working on forgiving him and others....I forgive him because I love Jesus but do I have to talk to him?

I just don't want to have anything to do with him because that is a part of my life that I am not proud of at all. I cannot communicate with him even if I wanted to.

My stomach is churning.

Am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring him? I don't trust him whatsoever, even after all of these years.

[/quote]

Jesus asks us to forgive those who wrong us. He does NOT ask us to go get wronged again. You are absolutely entitled to ignore him, block him from your facebook pages, and keep him out of your life. If he persists in contacting you, you are entitled to pursue anti-stalking remedies if you feel them necessary.

"Forgiving" and "stupid" are not synonyms.


#10

There are people who come in and out of our lives whether we want them to or not. The only way they can come through though, is if we let them in. Even though you say this person is your "ex" you still have strong emotions about him--that means you're still connected at some level.-even if it's a negative one.

So, unless you "allow" your ex back into your life through Facebook or a phone call or a chance encounter, he can't come back in. You have to know that you are the one who decides what is--not your "ex". Catholics have a tendency to feel guilty about many issues because that is (unfortunately) the way the church tends to teach. As young children we're taught to be polite and respectful (from our parents) but we also should have been taught that the rules don't apply when people manipulate or start to take advantage of us--the same goes for this situation. Since you don't have any children with this person you are not under any obligation to take him back as a friend. Be careful of the guilt again, it can make you think you have to be cordial when you really don't want to.

Facebook has changed the way we socialize with each other. It can be a tool of reaching out to the masses and in your case it can be a way of opening a door that you appear to want closed. ( I still have friends waiting for me to accept them as their "friends"--I think it's been a couple of years now). Only let people into your life that you want to be friends with-that's all I can tell you. Jesus told us to love our enemies but you've already forgiven this person and moved on with your life. You've done all you could--your "ex" has to learn his life lessons on his own now.


#11

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. I would of done the same thing - blocked him on FB and stick with no contact with him. You owe him NOTHING.


#12

I'm so afraid this man is going to take Heaven away from me as well

nobody has this power over you.

avoiding harmful persons is prudent and proper use of free will.


#13

[quote="doanli, post:1, topic:244219"]
I am trying to live a 100% Christian holy life.

Today, my ex sent me a request on Facebook to "friend" him. I immediately blocked him.

He caused me a lot of pain and suffering that he has never apologized for. It was an abusive relationship and I am afraid of him. I'm already scared he knows my married name now and I'm afraid he knows where I live.

I have been working on forgiving him and others....I forgive him because I love Jesus but do I have to talk to him?

I just don't want to have anything to do with him because that is a part of my life that I am not proud of at all. I cannot communicate with him even if I wanted to.

My stomach is churning.

Am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring him? I don't trust him whatsoever, even after all of these years.

[/quote]

How are your privacy settings on FB? Did he learn where you are from being able to see your info? Set everything to either "Friends of Friends" or "just friends" or even "just me." You have to do this, I hope you did it before he found your location. There is a risk to being "out" on Facebook, if you have people you do not want to find you. But if you are only "seen" to people you have already friended, you should be safe. Just make sure you don't have anyone he knows on your friends list either. Do NOT show your wall or info to everyone. NOTHING on your FB page should be visible to everyone on FB.

I think there are scrubbing services you can pay for, that will go to sites where you have left a trail, and remove them, but I don't know how much this costs. Abusers are nothing to toy with. Please be careful.


#14

By all means, and I speak from personal experience-block him and never, ever look back. Opening up old wounds can do nothing but cause you misery and sadness.


#15

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