Is wanting to be a husband a worthy vocation?


#1

Hi everyone,

I was wondering, is the desire to be someone’s husband a worthwhile goal, or is just selfish?

Even though I’m single and not currently dating anyone and don’t have a particular woman in mind that I know, for some time I’ve felt the desire to be a good husband to a woman and do what I can to support her and make her happy, and fully provide for her so she doesn’t have to work.

Does the wish to be a husband count as something that is worthy Catholically as a goal?
Or is it just selfish that a man wants to do that?

Thanks in advance for your answers.


#2

I can't think of a more worthy vocation, brother! I'm seriously discerning priesthood and the religious life, but I've felt this constant pull toward marriage since I began my application to the seminary. I don't think there's anything more beautiful in life than being called to love a woman, to care for her and be her companion and raise a family with her. People push vocations to the priesthood, and rightly so, but I think we also need to be aware that a vocation to marriage is as sacred and beautiful in its own right, especially if God is calling us to that. I think some of us are called to serve the Lord by giving their lives to His Church, and some are called to serve the Lord by devoting themselves to the care and love of just one man or woman. In my view, both are equally worthy vocations, and through each vocation we can live out our primary call of becoming saints.

I have a deep desire to give my life to God and the Church as a priest and maybe as a missionary. This I've recognized as a possible call from God. Your desire to love a woman and care for her, support her, and make her happy seems to me to bear the same traces of a call from God. We have to follow our hearts, because God leads us through them. It sounds like you'll make a wonderful husband and father!

Don't forget that marriage is a sacrament: and it can only be a worthy thing to desire a sacrament and everything that goes with it. You're in my prayers!


#3

Marriage is a vocation. The important thing is to be open to the vocation that God has called you to, and be the best you can be in it. :cool:


#4

There's nothing selfish about wanting to be a good husband! I'm right there with you, my friend; I have a very deep desire to be a husband and father and to devote myself to my family.

God's Word tells us that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart, so I tell you what: let's both trust, pray, and strive to be good men, worthy of what we seek.


#5

[quote="johnsmith2025, post:1, topic:287962"]
Hi everyone,

I was wondering, is the desire to be someone's husband a worthwhile goal, or is just selfish?

Even though I'm single and not currently dating anyone and don't have a particular woman in mind that I know, for some time I've felt the desire to be a good husband to a woman and do what I can to support her and make her happy, and fully provide for her so she doesn't have to work.

Does the wish to be a husband count as something that is worthy Catholically as a goal?
Or is it just selfish that a man wants to do that?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

[/quote]

Why is being called to the vocation of marriage un-Catholic?

Luna


#6

[quote="johnsmith2025, post:1, topic:287962"]
Hi everyone,

I was wondering, is the desire to be someone's husband a worthwhile goal, or is just selfish?

Even though I'm single and not currently dating anyone and don't have a particular woman in mind that I know, for some time I've felt the desire to be a good husband to a woman and do what I can to support her and make her happy, and fully provide for her so she doesn't have to work.

Does the wish to be a husband count as something that is worthy Catholically as a goal?
Or is it just selfish that a man wants to do that?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

[/quote]

I have been discerning priesthood for some time and I can say that mysteriously this desire to become a good husband for a woman sparked my desire for the Church. Indeed I would go so far as to say that my desire to love and serve the Church is founded upon this very normal and good desire to love and serve woman.

So no, there is nothing wrong with it. But I would have to ask, what is it that you think could be selfish? In desiring to be a good husband you are desiring to give your whole life. Inspect your heart as deeply as you can to understand what other desires you may have that may not be formed in charity.


#7

I know too many that have gotten married in their 30's and they decide not to have children because they already have enough children between the 2 of them from different sexual partners. How heartbreaking is that?

To be a good and faithful Catholic man in a loving marriage is a wonderful witness to Christ in this world. There are fewer and fewer examples of this now. I'm pretty sure there are young ladies who have never seen that but have girlfriends with babies while still in their teens.

God can grow us in holiness and sainthood within the sacrament of marriage. God's power and grace flows into marriages. You might look at it from the outside and think it's selfish but when you come down to the daily living of married life, it's challenging and the opposite of selfishness.

God bless.


#8

You forgot to say why hello there ladies;) hahaha.


#9

Of course it is.

My Dh says he always new from an early age he would get married and have a family- there was no question for him. It’s no difference from young men who say they have always felt called to the priesthood, or religious life. Not all of us are called so early or clearly, but if you are, consider it a blessing!


#10

reads thread responses
Yes, it is a valid vocation.

wants to get married o:


#11

It is not only a worthy vocation, it is the “default” vocation for a man.

Unless called to the celibate Priesthood, or religious life, every man should assume his vocation is to be a husband (and father, if God so blesses him).

God Bless


#12

Like others have said, Christ raised it to a Sacrament and it is a most worthy vocation. It is what most people end up in(at least it was until recent times). Of course, the primary purpose for marriage is the procreation, raising and educating of children, having them be good Catholics. Secondary is the relief of concupiscence and companionship.

Good women should be looking for a decent man who is willing to sacrifice and provide for her and however many children God blesses the couple with.
Pray for the women who will help you live a Catholic life and get to Heaven. Not much else counts.

CB


#13

I would say the good of the spouses (i.e. salvation) and procreation of children are equal purposes for marriage.

I think it is wrong to reduce the goal of marriage in regards to your spouse to “the relief of concuspiscence”.

Not every marriage begets children, and marriage is not denied to those who cannot beget children, whether through age or infirmity. But, everyone is called to help their spouse achieve salvation.

God Bless.


#14

Bilop,

It is perfectly fine for those that can’t have children(biological reason, age-related, etc)to be married. The big point is that the procreation process must be possible and not frustrated. The priority is what the Church has always taught.

CB


#15

Thank you, I was going to post something similar. However, I don’t see this as being limited to a man, but holds true for women as well.

Even though the CCC does not use the word “default”, in paragraph 1603 it does state that the vocation to marriage is written into our nature, coming from the hand of God. So, in a sense, if there is a default vocation, the CCC says that it is marriage. And that has made it easier to understand why the celibate vocations (priesthood and religious and consecrated life, aka “virginity for the kingdom”) are seen as the “higher calling” - they require supernatural graces.


#16

[quote="PennyinCanada, post:7, topic:287962"]
I know too many that have gotten married in their 30's and they decide not to have children because they already have enough children between the 2 of them from different sexual partners. How heartbreaking is that?

To be a good and faithful Catholic man in a loving marriage is a wonderful witness to Christ in this world. There are fewer and fewer examples of this now. I'm pretty sure there are young ladies who have never seen that but have girlfriends with babies while still in their teens.

God can grow us in holiness and sainthood within the sacrament of marriage. God's power and grace flows into marriages. You might look at it from the outside and think it's selfish but when you come down to the daily living of married life, it's challenging and the opposite of selfishness.

God bless.

[/quote]

Thank you Penny.

Alright so I have a follow up question.
Is it common to find women who want a Catholic husband who will provide fully for them? Or do you find that most women more likely to want the career, you know, in which they are gone most of the day?

Not that there are any statistics to be found on this scenerio anywhere, but I just was wondering what the percentages are of finding a woman ( 18-35 ) who feels that she wants, needs, deserves, and expects to have a Catholic husband to fully take care of her and love her?


#17

From the ladies I worked with, they found it really really hard to put in full time hours and manage young kids that might still be up at night, etc. They were exhausted. They were there full time because they had huge debt and bills to pay. I met many who wished they could stay home while the kids were young, and I know some that did. I know home schooling families that had more than 4 children and the wife took care of their schooling. (Pretty amazing) They survived on one salary. I can't say percentages, but I can suggest you pray for your future wife every day, that she stay within the will of God and make good choices. The grace I wish us all.


#18

Thanks again Penny!

Alright well, hypothetically, what if there are no kids in the situation? Do you happen to know or come across any women who currently are ( or hope one day to be ) married and be provided for by their loving husband and have no kids?
Do you find this situation to be common, or not very common?


#19

I'm sure they exist but usually when a young woman gets married, there's an assumption that children will come, but not every couple is fertile. That's an answer that you have to live into the answer!

I stay at home while hubby is working. He can come home to a hot meal, laundry done, house cleaned, grass cut and driveway shoveled. He may be the envy of the neighborhood but many couples cannot or are unwilling to live on one income. I know numerous families that home school and the young ladies are very familiar with how to run a household, raise a family, be smart in managing money. How they feel about staying home as a married woman, I'm not privy to that info.

Your prayer should very well be "Jesus I trust in You"!

You can always ask on this forum in a new thread that very question to the ladies, both married and single, how they feel about it. They won't reply to this question under a subject regarding husbands.


#20

sure, st. joseph is a perfect reminder


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