Isn't giving a child up for adoption immoral?

Say you had a pregnant woman who got pregnant but doesn’t want the child. She knows she made a big mistake in having premarital sex, isn’t ready for a child, but would never have an abortion. So, when the baby is born she gives the child up for adoption.

Ok, it’s good that she didn’t have an abortion. But, let’s say she really did have the means to raise the child. Let’s assume that she is middle class, and that suddenly having a child thrust on her is financially doable, but she’d have to stretch. She’s not destitute, she’s not rich. Bottom line: she has the ability to raise the child. In this case, wouldn’t it therefore be immoral for her to give away her own flesh and blood?

G’day,

There are a Host of reasons for adoption, and a Host of possible alternitve arrangements she could make , perhaps a close relative may be willing to accept the child just as one example,
I’m not educated enough to pass judgement on this scenario ,
But on the face of it, if it’s her discission thinking it’s better for the child,
Then she is probably doing the right thing,a mother has the moral responability to discide
What she believes is right for the child at any given moment in time,

As we do not know what goes through a women’s mind that she concludes that she gives up a baby for adoption–it is pretty hard to be judgmental. In her heart and soul she may be doing the very best for her child. It is a moral action or dis-action between her and God. We just don’t know. Pray for those that make such decisions. Peace.

Just my opinion but it seems to me that if a woman puts a child up for adoption because she believes that to be the best for the child, that would be understandable. That can even be a great act of love. An unselfish act.

If she is doing that because she believes that to be the best for herself, that’s different. That sounds like shirking the responsibility that comes with the decision to have sex. That would be a selfish act.

Giving up a child is never immoral because the person is realizing that they for whatever reason, cannot be the parent it deserves. Giving up a child for adoption is a gift of sacrifice and love. It means that the parent is (with the exception of open adoptions) is giving their child up to strangers in hopes that they will give it all of the love and other things a child needs. Adoption is giving a childless couple, who for whatever cannot have children, the chance to be parents.

Adoption is selfless and life giving therefore how can this act be immoral when the child isn’t being killed as seen in abortion, but rather being given a chance to live a life that God has called it to live.

I don’t think it is fair on any woman to assume that just because they can afford to keep a child means they should keep the child. Not all women are called to be mothers. It takes great strength and maturity for a woman to decide: yes I’m pregnant but instead of aborting my child like the law permits and society encourages, I am going to carry the pregnancy to term. And then give it to a loving family to raise as their own.

In the end, we can’t judge why the parent has chosen to put their child up for adoption because reasons are countless and personal. It’s not our place to judge.

Instead we should applaud and support all parents who decide to put their unwanted children up for adoption because there are so many couples who would make amazing parents if they were given a chance. As it stands the waiting list to adopt a baby in Canada and USA is something like 8 years or more. It is considerably less if they want an older child but even then its difficult. Meanwhile millions of unwanted babies are being aborted in both countries every year.

We live in an age where society teaches us: once a woman becomes pregnant, and she doesn’t want it, she has the right to kill that unwanted child. Adoption gives a child a chance at life.

You would think so wouldn’t you? You know, your flesh and blood and all. I think she would have to explain it to the Lord. Personally, I couldn’t do it, but I’ve been in situations before where I said I’d never do something and then turned around and did it… A person would hope a mother’s love would prevail…

Makes me want to pray for mothers in difficult situations. Married and unmarried… God, bless the mothers.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

Hey SecretGarden,

I agree with what you’ve stated above very much. But isn’t it possible that one of the reasons somebody thinks that they “cannot be the parent their child deserves” is due to their own selfishness? In that case, giving up a child to adoption seems like it could be due to selfishness…not love. I personally know of a woman whose husband wanted her to put two twins up for adoption because he didn’t want the burden of raising them. He was being selfish. :frowning: She kept the kids. :slight_smile:

Adoption is selfless and life giving therefore how can this act be immoral when the child isn’t being killed as seen in abortion, but rather being given a chance to live a life that God has called it to live.

It seems like if the reason is a selfish reason (like I just don’t think I’d be a good parent), the child is also being denied contact with a biological parent. Of course that is better than abortion…but it isn’t a good as being raised by biological mom and dad.

I don’t think it is fair on any woman to assume that just because they can afford to keep a child means they should keep the child. Not all women are called to be mothers.

Once a woman is pregnant, she already is a mother.

It takes great strength and maturity for a woman to decide: yes I’m pregnant but instead of aborting my child like the law permits and society encourages, I am going to carry the pregnancy to term. And then give it to a loving family to raise as their own.

I agree with you. And I think it takes even greater courage to say: yes I’m pregnant, and I’m scared, …and I am going to keep this baby and be the best mom I can be for her.

In the end, we can’t judge why the parent has chosen to put their child up for adoption because reasons are countless and personal. It’s not our place to judge.

I agree.

Instead we should applaud and support all parents who decide to put their unwanted children up for adoption because there are so many couples who would make amazing parents if they were given a chance.

I disagree with you here on one point. There is no such thing as an “unwanted” child. There really isn’t. As Randy Alcorn states in one of his books (I’ll paraphrase): “Unwantedness shows the attitude of an adult, NOT a characteristic of a child.”

As it stands the waiting list to adopt a baby in Canada and USA is something like 8 years or more. It is considerably less if they want an older child but even then its difficult. Meanwhile millions of unwanted babies are being aborted in both countries every year.

We live in an age where society teaches us: once a woman becomes pregnant, and she doesn’t want it, she has the right to kill that unwanted child. Adoption gives a child a chance at life.

Agreed. I just wonder if there exist selfish reasons to avoid parenthood.

Being able to raise a child is not just about having money.

No, there is nothing immoral about giving a child up for adoption if you are unprepared or unfit (some people just aren’t good with children) to raise the child yourself.

I know of a young woman who has had 3 children and has remained single. The first child was given up for adoption within days of birth. As this was an open adoption this child has had interaction with his birth mother over the past 10 years. Recently this child was able to journey to the home of his birth mother and meet his two siblings…the sheer difference in cognitive abilities between the two sets of children was an eye-opening experience for the child, for his siblings were raised on diets of soda, pasta, and chips…experienced frequent scenes of trauma as their mother swung moodily from one father to another (both boys have different fathers)…and have been poorly disciplined and educated.

His expectation on the way in was an excited desire to meet the person who gave birth to him…to see his siblings…to see where he came from. The return trip home was filled with him thanking his adoptive parents for adopting him…and expressing no further desire to ever return to the home of his birth mother…to quote one often repeated phrase given by the ten-year-old adoptee, “To think I could have grown up like them!” followed by a shudder.

His siblings have learning disabilities, have behavioral difficulties, are behind in both speech and motor skill development…essentially behaving as though they were several years younger than their physical age. The adoptee on the other hand is well adjusted, articulate, polite, intelligent, and very bonded.

That this young woman is a relative of mine shames me to admit…I was able to assist in influencing the initial adoption, but further pressures to repeat same were met with deaf ears and a stubborn heart.

The result is two boys who will grow up to be difficult young men…disadvantaged at every turn…who will go on to produce more in their own image out of ignorance…so that the ‘sin’ of retaining what one cannot properly raise might be perpetuated for several generations to come…to everyone’s misfortune.

Unprepared? Who actually ever is prepared? They don’t even come with owner’s manuals! :slight_smile:

I don’t think we can determine who would be a good parent of a firstborn child by how “good they are with children” who aren’t their own. I’ve heard more than a few parents say things like “I never really knew what real love was until I held my first child.”

I think the OP made it sound like it was just a “I don’t think I can do this” type of situation.

This is one of those hypotheticals that is impossible to answer. Whoever tries to answer it has their own idea of why the decision is being made, little nuances that can change everything. This topic could go on for days.

Many people believe a two parent home is better for a child than being raised by a single parent. But I also think there are studies that show children who are adopted do not do as well in school as other children. There was a study that was discussed on CAF about how children faired being raised by same-sex couples in comparison to other families, and the other families types included adopted kids. Well, if one thought this study proved that same-sex households were bad for kids it also suggested that adoption was too.

(…)

I just wonder if there exist selfish reasons to avoid parenthood.

There probably are selfish reasons to avoid parenthood. But then I’m not sure those people should be parents anyway. They may actually be too narcissistic to meet a child’s needs or they may have reasons that one might try to argue. For example, I know a couple who decided not to have children because the wife was abused as a child and she was afraid that she would repeat the pattern. Both were educated, and made good money; the woman was one of the most generous and gracious people I’ve ever met. I couldn’t imagine her being abusive to anyone, especially a child. Was her reason valid? We will never know and she didn’t want to find out.

If (and that’s a big IF) he motives are purely selfish, it’s still not immoral to place your child for adoption. It’s immoral to not be open to life… Which is something the “selfish” parent(s) would have to answer to God for, if unrepentant (and again, if truly done for selfish reasons)

God Bless

The parent who is giving up rights to their child probably knows their limits and has thought about it carefully. I see too many parents that should not have children, due to addictions, severe mental illness, or poor parenting skills. In a meta-study I read years ago, one of the reasons for child abuse was the lack of knowledge of child development. A high percentage of adults (not just parents) believed that certain age appropriate behavior was the child misbehaving.

If a single woman got pregnant and decided not to abort and that she will go the adoption route, I’m not going to judge, nor would I argue with someone who was making this choice. She would have to live with the loss, which is why I don’t see this scenario ever happening.

Oh, I agree it’s a big IF. You are right. I doubt many people put children up for adoption because of selfishness.(although, I think that possibility remains.)

I guess I think of “selfishness” as being immoral. The opposite of love which I think of as “selflessness”. I think Galatians 5:19+ lists selfishness as a sin that could prevent eternal life.

I read the OP as saying the mother was capable of raising the child. I thought it said something like that. So I’m thinking…if she is capable…why not raise the child? Even though it seemed to be speaking financially only, there was nothing stated that indicated there were other issues.

Agreed. I just didn’t read any of the issues that you listed above into the OP.

And you are right with the statement you made earlier about how hypothetical discussions like this could go on for a long time because of all of the possible factors that we can think of that are not stated.

Excellent yet heartbreaking post.
No, it’s not immoral to give a child up for adoption. The child deserves a family that love him and is engaged, prepared to care for him. IF a mother KNOWS that she cannot fill this task, especially due to her unwillingness to do so, or obstinate lack of desire to raise a child no matter what may come her way, she should give the child to a loving family.
the motivation might appear to be selfish, but the stark reality is that the child will be loved by people who desperately want him.

The greater sin is in keeping a child that you KNOW you won’t treasure. In doing so, you prevent a child from fulfilling his potential and you damage them. No bueno.

There’s also many couples struggling with infertility or other difficulties who would love children. There are ways for it to work out morally on both ends.

In this case, wouldn’t it therefore be immoral for her to give away her own flesh and blood?

No, it would not. Placing a child for adoption by a loving family is one of the greatest things in this world.

This is the simplest correct answer.

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