It has been 6 months


#1

Hello

It has been 6 months since my ex broke up with me. I know people tell me in time it will get better but its honestly not. Things are just getting worse.
I am falling behind with school work, I am getting ill and I am so depressed.

I am trying my best to be positive and to do things to take my mind off it etc but I can’t.
This time last year we went on holiday to Iceland and we were so happy. I don’t understand how he fell out of love with me or why it happend. I don’t understand why he doesnt even seem to miss me at all because we’re not even friends. I wish we could at least be friends.

I don’t understand how or why this is God’s plan for me because believe me we were perfect for each other and made each other really happy. My ex got depression and I was living 300 miles away so he gave up on us. Married couples fall in and out of love all the time but because they are married they (usually) don’t give up on each other. I know we weren’t married but I honestly believed and still do believe that one day he would be my husband.

I would actually do anything to either get him back or get over him but I’m scared because nothing is working. I can’t get him back and I can’t get over him and I really don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t understand why it won’t get better. I feel like it will never end.

Please pray for God to help me find the right path. Only God knows if I am meant to end up with my ex or with someone else, but I wish He would reveal at least part of the plan to me. I can’t cope much longer.
x

I wrote this yesterday and posted it on the prayers forum page.
Last night I had a dream that we got back together and had so much fun like we used to have. Since waking up from my alarm I have just been trapped in my bed crying. I am falling behind with my studies and I am honestly trying to catch up and to take my mind off things and to move on but it just doesn’t seem possible. The past 6 months have been hell for me and I keep hoping its a bad dream that I will one day wake up from…alas its not. I just wish I could get over this :frowning:


#2

Every time you honestly love another person, you and the other are better for it. Remember that.

You might need counselling and/or antidepressants to get over this, dear soul.

And yes, you CAN cope. You just need some help doing so, that's all.


#3

Hi milletsmo, are you in college?

Your university should offer free counseling / referral to psychiatrists. I went through some very difficult times during college and found these services very helpful.


#4

@milletsmo,

Gurl, listen. I have a lifetime achievement award for getting over a man. Here's what worked for me:

[LIST]
]go on lots and lots of dates with new men,
*]shop at Victoria Secret and buy nice lingerie
*]go to the MAC counter and get makeover tips
*]there's a lot of truth in that book, *The Rules
. Recommended reading!
*]take up a new hobby or class (like dance classes or beginners acting),
*]throw yourself deep into the waves of church activity (start "dating" Jesus Christ).
[/LIST]

Don't trust those "reconciliation with your ex" dreams. That's the subconscious at work. I had a million of those for weeks and weeks after my boyfriend dumped me. I thought me and him would get married one day, too.

Turn this journey into something positive. And, if there is a comedy club in your town, go to a show. Laughter works wonders, as well.

Good luck, I know you can get past this!


#5

*Hi milletsmo...I am so sorry you're hurting. I have followed your threads on this, and a few weeks ago, or so...didn't you say he is involved with someone else now? I don't know how to say this without it coming out perhaps bluntly, but sometimes people think they are in love, and they aren't. And sometimes people lie. Not saying your ex lied to you, but the fact that he is involved with someone else, should tell you...he wasn't all that depressed, and maybe it was just an excuse to back away from the relationship. I truly don't know, I'm just guessing, but I would try to stop telling yourself you're meant for each other...if he loved you, he wouldn't be dating someone else. That is reality. To tell yourself otherwise, you will never ever move forward, then. Breakups are VERY hard. I have done my share of breaking up with guys, and they have broken it off with me...it HURTS. I know it does, but telling yourself things that are not so, will only keep you locked and not able to do all you are called to do for God.

Let him go...try to find joy in your everyday life. Pray for God to heal your heart and open you eyes to other people. It truly is the best thing to move on...your ex has, you need to.

I don't mean to sound harsh...I'm just trying to help you move on with your life, because you are a special person in the eyes of God...and if your bf moved on...you need to let it go, for your own peace of mind, if nothing else. If your paths ever intersect again, great...but for right now, they aren't.

I will pray for you. :console: :gopray:*


#6

*And also milletsmo, I meant to add above, that I remember you mentioning that the girl he started dating was a friend whom you confided in about him? That's a double whammy that you're dealing with...a feeling of being mislead by your ex, and also your ''friend.''

You will meet people in this life who are not who they seem to be. It's a tragedy when that happens, it is a terrible feeling to not feel like you knew the person you were dating, or were friends with...but this is part of life. Not everyone or every situation is exactly what it seems. The key is to not let this situation ruin your life. You have a good life with many blessings...and don't let this one situation create your identity. I will pray for you, but consider that you need to heal from the betrayal of your friend, also. So, take it slow, but try everyday, to make some progress to move forward.

God bless.*


#7

Nothing will heal if you pick at the scab.


#8

It sounds like you might benefit from professional counseling. Please consider that as an option.

I am getting over a broken heart myself. I have been there before and know it can hurt for a long time. But if you don`t find yourself making progress, it might be time to talk to a doctor.

If you don`t keep a journal already, I recommend that. It can be s safe place to express all your feelings without overburdening your friends. And you can be repetitive if need be.

My single best piece of advice for getting over a breakup is prayer. The rosary works wonders as does spending time in Adoration.

Hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212


#9

[quote="whatevergirl, post:5, topic:185575"]
*Hi milletsmo...I am so sorry you're hurting. I have followed your threads on this, and a few weeks ago, or so...didn't you say he is involved with someone else now? I don't know how to say this without it coming out perhaps bluntly, but sometimes people think they are in love, and they aren't. And sometimes people lie. Not saying your ex lied to you, but the fact that he is involved with someone else, should tell you...he wasn't all that depressed, and maybe it was just an excuse to back away from the relationship. I truly don't know, I'm just guessing, but I would try to stop telling yourself you're meant for each other...if he loved you, he wouldn't be dating someone else. That is reality. To tell yourself otherwise, you will never ever move forward, then. Breakups are VERY hard. I have done my share of breaking up with guys, and they have broken it off with me...it HURTS. I know it does, but telling yourself things that are not so, will only keep you locked and not able to do all you are called to do for God.

Let him go...try to find joy in your everyday life. Pray for God to heal your heart and open you eyes to other people. It truly is the best thing to move on...your ex has, you need to.

I don't mean to sound harsh...I'm just trying to help you move on with your life, because you are a special person in the eyes of God...and if your bf moved on...you need to let it go, for your own peace of mind, if nothing else. If your paths ever intersect again, great...but for right now, they aren't.

I will pray for you. :console: :gopray:*

[/quote]

Hello

I have tried my best to move on. I really have. I thought I was doing so well as I went well over a month without crying about him/the situation.
I have been on dates, I have made new friends, joined a gym, done lots of other things to take my mind off it and so on.
I have been ill recently and mixed with the fact that this time last year we went on an amazing holiday to Iceland I am just feeling really down at the moment.

We were together for nearly three years and he was my best friend. If you knew him/me/us as a couple there is no way you would doubt he loved me. Maybe he doesn't anymore but at the very least he used to. a lot. Also during the three years he suffered depression on and off and has done for a lot of his life.

My friend who knows all three of us (me, ex, his new gf) told me she believes its a rebound relationship. I am not so sure. She is not the kind of person to tell me what I want to hear, infact she never tells anyone what they want to hear and never spares people's feelings as she's always very blunt and puts her opinion out there.
She believes that because his new gf was there for him as a friend (and probably plotted for more to happen) and because he was upset about the break up and other things and I was so far away it was a case of a conveniant rebound.
Obviously I have no idea if she's right or wrong and I try not to think about it too much.
What hurts the most is that we aren't even friends. I would like to be friends with him again one day, but at the moment I cannot see it happening.

I am trying to "let him go" however its not as easy as just telling myself I'm over him and actually being over him.
I just wish I knew when I'd feel better about it because at the moment I feel like I never will again.

Thanks for your prayers.


#10

35 years ago, my sweetheart of 4 years broke up with me. I was devastated, lost weight was unable to function well for a long while myself. I truly believed that I loved this person and intended to be with them until death would part us. However, during that time apart, I got closer to my parents and friends who had been warning me that my relationship was rocky, not built on anything more than feelings.

Of course, at the time, I resisted their intervention but during our breakup, I recognized their objectivity was true, and my feelings were just that, leading me away from the truth. So I began to pray. Little did I know that my spouse now of nearly 30 years was also praying to meet the right person.
In fact, my spouse was saying a novena to the Infant of Prague. On the day of the completion of that novena, we both were together at one of my family’s weddings. Total strangers to one another. I was the altar server for the wedding of my one my spouse’s cousins. On the 25th anniversary of that cousin, we were viewing their wedding pictures, and low and behold, found one where we actually standing next to one another, however we never actually got to know each other until we met as adults.
And that was one year after she had been broken up from her previous relationship. God put us together. And happily we are raising a family of wonderful sons and I have never been happier. So begin to pray if you haven’t already. God wants what is best for you! But you must let go and let God work through you. Pray to Him and to his mother to help find you the best life partner ever. One that you will cherish and will cherish you until death does you part. All things are possible through God. I know it hurts now, but He has the big picture…You will be in my prayers.


#11

You can never “be friends” with someone you were once in love with. Give that idea up. Pray for him and then put him out of your mind. He is gone. Don’t ask about him. When he comes to mind, pray “lord, please take these thoughts away from me” and then let the thoughts go, don’t cuddle them and roll memories over in your head.

Let him go.


#12

*Hi milletsmo...I see. I am happy you are trying. Some days will be harder than others, what kage suggests, is the best advice. Just keep praying for those thoughts and feelings to dissipate. Give them to God.

Regarding your bf being depressed. I don't know him of course, but going by what you are saying...be careful to not let that become his excuse for behaviors that you shouldn't tolerate. If he was wallowing in his bed, wasting away...or not able to function in other areas of his life, I'd say...his depression impacts him greatly. He has moved on though. He is dating someone else. Regardless of it being rebound or not...if he loved you STILL, he wouldn't be dating someone else. He would be dating you. That is what you need to tell yourself...even if it's painful. He ain't the only guy on the planet. Start looking at how incredible YOU are, and what you have to offer. If he didn't want that, then so be it. Wish him well in your mind, but that is all you can do. But, it might take time. You had a long relationships with him, so just keep trying to heal. But, don't make excuses for the guy ...being depressed isn't a catch all for any and all behaviors, and if you tell yourself that, you will take him back if he does come back, and allow him to potentially treat you badly. There are people who function in the world with depression, but I think you hang onto that for some reason, as an excuse for why your relationship was volatile. I remember your threads, he didn't sound like a prize, sorry. :blush:

I will be praying for you, hang in there...we are here praying with you, too! :hug1:*


#13

I see what you are saying and accept it however I must point out that no one ever warned either of us that our relationship was “rocky” or whatever. Infact all of my family (and his family) and friends (both mutual and friends who barely knew him) all mentioned how we were perfect for each other and how nice he is/was etc.

I pray all day every day for us to either reconcile or for me to move on and meet someone else. Basically praying for God’s will to be revealed to me. I guess either outcome will take longer than I would like.


#14

Well thats not true as I know plenty of people who are friends with their ex’s! obviously every situation is different and some couples cannot be friends again and sometimes it is longer or shorter depending on the break up but I don’t see why we can’t be friends again one day in the future. Especially because God wants everyone to be friends.


#15

[quote="milletsmo, post:13, topic:185575"]
I see what you are saying and accept it however I must point out that no one ever warned either of us that our relationship was "rocky" or whatever. Infact all of my family (and his family) and friends (both mutual and friends who barely knew him) all mentioned how we were perfect for each other and how nice he is/was etc.

I pray all day every day for us to either reconcile or for me to move on and meet someone else. Basically praying for God's will to be revealed to me. I guess either outcome will take longer than I would like.

[/quote]

*When it comes to listening to God, it might not always be what we had in mind, but nonetheless it is His will. :o

Maybe I'm thinking of another poster...but didn't you mention that your bf and you used to have difficulty communicating because he was drinking a lot? Or you both drank a lot and it caused problems? I might be thinking of someone else, if so, I apologize. I thought I remember though you mentioning this...

Sometimes when relationships end, we only see the good times. But, if there were only good times, relationships wouldn't end. :o Relationships usually don't end when both people are madly in love with each other, doing everything they can for the other, and are compatible in every way. Those usually don't end willingly. I don't mean to sound like the grimreaper...:blush:*


#16

Friends, as in saying hello when you meet is one thing.

Best buddy friend pals where you go to each other’s houses and hang out is far another.


#17

We never have difficulty communicating while we were in a relationship. The last couple of months of the relationship (like just before breaking up I mean) my ex started drinking more. Because I took a summer job I wasn’t aware fully the extent of how much he was drinking. I believe that the drinking made his depression worse. Once we split he seemed to be going out almost everynight and we had a few arguements due to alcohol or because of alcohol.
I am not focussing only on the good times, yes we obviously had some bad times as every relationship does as nothing is perfect. However we argued three times when we were dating. Three times in (almost) three years, and the arguements weren’t very big and didn’t last very long. We were best friends not just bf and gf which is why we got on so well and why things we so good when we were together.

With regards to your previous post, yes depression isn’t an excuse to accept being treated badly I am just trying to understand how he changed from being the nicest person anyone could ever meet (everyone thought this about him) to turning into a coward and selfish almost instantly. You cannot hide or lie about these personality traits for almost three years, so I believe the depression/drinking caused him to change, or speeded up the changing process. Because yes people do change in time, but people do not have a complete personality transplant overnight.


#18

Like I previously said I know plently of people in both situations with ex’s depending on the circumstances to their break up and how their relationships were in the first place. No offence but you (like me) have no idea if or when we are to become friends again and if we do you do not know how close we will or will not be.


#19

I see…okay. Let me ask…what did he tell you was his reason for ending the relationship?


#20

He told me he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. He said that he still loves me but things are different and he didn’t know why. That some of the best times of his life were with me and he wouldn’t change that for anything but because he was depressed and because we were in a long distance relationship he felt he couldn’t do it anymore.


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