You don’t really see priests, religious or even parishoners noticing those who don’t make themselves known. You see them with the outgoing ones, those who work at the parish, athletes, but not really the shy kids and adults. I think we need more films where a shy, nerdy kid is worked with by leaders and others in parish ministry, not to be encouraged to cheer up, but fostered to be the next Thomas Aquinas or something. I feel like one who could have been the latter. I could try to find them, but it’s hard to find spiritual advisors who don’t play loose with rubrics or who don’t approve or do nothing about it. I tried to call such a one but got no call back. In an after church donuts and coffee, you go unnoticed, if the quiet, shy type. It’s sad.
The FELLOW up there notices !!!
:D, especially the part I highlighted! It seems like the only “work” that is done with shy, nerdy types is to “fix” them, and make them more outgoing, better at sport, and successful with the opposite sex!
So it’s the same as it was 50 years ago in Catholic school? The nuns had 50 kids in a classroom and couldn’t give individual attention except to the standouts it seemed. I remember some sad shy kids. I guess we have to trust that things unfold in the way the Lord wants.
I’m not the next St Thomas Aquinas, but I learned to hold my own in philosophy and theology, and even to a lesser degree in some of the hard (that is, empirical, not to say that philosophy or theology are the slightest bit less rigorous than astrophysics) sciences. I never did grasp the soft sciences, nor the subjects they deal with (people and society). All the better, I think. Much harm can come from what can at best give little gain, at least when it comes to matters of ethics and intellect.
Having tried the whole Donut Sunday, join groups, volunteer, be active in the parish, approach others, invite a women's group to my apartment for a Christmas party, etc, etc, etc ... it finally reached a point where when the priest said, "The Mass is ended, go in peace ... "
I went, alone with my camera, out into nature.
... And somehow that's turned into my currently being an artist whose work has been featured in four art galleries and a museum.
People in my parish don't accept me.
People in the art world do.
... And yes, I still volunteer at my parish.
~~ the phoenix
It would be even greater if more of the noticeables noticed the unnoticeables.
[quote="foolishmortal, post:1, topic:262989"]
You don't really see priests, religious or even parishoners noticing those who don't make themselves known. You see them with the outgoing ones, those who work at the parish, athletes, but not really the shy kids and adults. I think we need more films where a shy, nerdy kid is worked with by leaders and others in parish ministry, not to be encouraged to cheer up, but fostered to be the next Thomas Aquinas or something. I feel like one who could have been the latter. I could try to find them, but it's hard to find spiritual advisors who don't play loose with rubrics or who don't approve or do nothing about it. I tried to call such a one but got no call back. In an after church donuts and coffee, you go unnoticed, if the quiet, shy type. It's sad.
Yes. This times 1000. I have Asperger's Syndrome - the very epitome of introverted and nerdy - and my pastor keeps trying to fix me. He doesn't know the diagnosis, but it's veddy veddy aggravating.
-Cue optimistic sounding music, with a touch of “problem solved/fate accepted/life goes on/brave new frontier”-
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a former high school teacher. He only lasted a few years in the job because he couldn’t handle the stress. He told me that he was under continual stress from “difficult and troubled” kids. As I had been a “difficult and troubled” kid of the quiet type (“sad and shy”, as you beautifully put it), I asked him if he had been concerned about people like me. He responded that he didn’t even notice those kids, as he was always under so much pressure from the LOUD and DISRUPTIVE “difficult and troubled” ones.
I thought it was interesting to get the teacher’s point of view.
… always nice to meet a fellow Ohioan! You don’t live too far away from me actually. PM me if you ever want to say hello.
As for the music, since I consider myself something like a female Forrest Gump wandering around on the back roads of America with a camera, a song like “Free Bird” might be appropriate.
~~ the phoenix
To Phoenix, I got more comeraderie (sp?) from the rowdy expats, but that doesn’t mean they were good company and neither does it mean I was better than they. Staying away from bad company is just not giving yourself more trouble than you already get for yourself when you compromise in your own way with the world, the flesh and/or The Devil.
As for teachers dealing with rowdy kids, maybe after hours attention for the one aspiring intellectually would be good for the student and refreshing for the teacher, but even if the kid were not intellectually more advanced than others, they may become the next introverted saint and not a loner with no faith (not quite me, but I wasn’t really on fire, to say the least) and/or with performance anxiety in dealing with life (teasing can hurt that and a melancholic parent doesn’t help). Granted, school facility and any religious should assist a shy person with social skills, paced to his/her temperament, but they should also enhance the gifts he/she already has.
What’s with all these padres and sisters going to games and being megafans for their team about? They should be looking for future saints amongst the quiet and outgoing alike. Certainly, they should give them guidance and congratulate them on wins, but after school sports are not what school is about; education and the building of character are, at least in religious schools. It’s human nature to like winners, though some of them have too gung-ho dads, but The Church is a hospital for sinners and the troubled and they should be the focus of attention at schools; at after Mass donuts, there should be at least one to welcome the new single or couple, you’d think. Often, the priest is absorbed with them the whole time (and I know those active in the parish and/or patrons deserve his attention and couples and families are being together), when they could be making future self-directed saints out of the shy one(s), as well as outgoing ones.
Wow…this post rings very true. In my experience, I’ve found that quieter people often have the most meaningful things to say. For this reason, I always make it a point to reach out to those who go unnoticed. By doing that, I’ve found some of the best friends I’ve ever had.
It’s good for priests to be popular with the “church basement ladies” (if they’re not, they’ll be sorry), but they must be pastor to everyone. If I am a priest, God willing, I’ll reach out particularly to those who think they go unnoticed.
That would be great, M! I think, since Vatican 2, except for P. Paul 6, there's too much sanguinity for introverts to compete with for attention or to stand during Mass (if you're melancholic, you want little or nothing to do with a priest who plays with extraliturgical anecdotes, anyway). The most notice I got was from a little band of Anglican-use Catholic Mass goers, which was just enough. The Mass was reverent and I was invited to eat with them and we talked. Unfortunately, I started to have to work on Sundays.