It's never a good time to have kids


#1

ncregister.com/blog/its-never-a-good-time-to-have-kids

I thought it was interesting.


#2

I should send this to my fiancee (getting married this Satuday!). She is afraid to have kids. So am I, kind of, but I still want to.


#3

Many people don't value children these days.We have become so affluent that our priorities have changed.they see riches as more pleasing than raising children.They seem to forget that if they werent' allowed to be born they couldn't experience these riches.its rather selfish in a way.


#4

Great column, I may have to send it to a few people. My family and I both say the same thing, but with completely different meanings. I’ve been criticized quite a bit because we don’t have the big house, the new car every other year, the jumbo-sized TV or four game systems in every room. But, we do have four wonderful kids. For the life of me, I can’t see how the toys compare.


#5

What a great article! The line that really sums up what I think is our greatest problem today in "planning" our families is this:

The angle that jumps out to me most clearly, though, is how common it is for modern childbearing decisions to be based on fear, and fear’s natural result: a desire for control.

It's possible that some people avoiding pregnancy have convinced themselves that they are using "responsible parenting", when deep down they are just unable to let go of their fears and trust God.


#6

[quote="kristleful, post:5, topic:239772"]
It's possible that some people avoiding pregnancy have convinced themselves that they are using "responsible parenting", when deep down they are just unable to let go of their fears and trust God.

[/quote]

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

I had a friend tell me as much recently. He already has one baby and has seen that the expected disruptions never materialized, but he's afraid to take the plunge again because he's certain that the other shoe will drop. He thinks a second child would be unfair to the first and add undue financial strain. I keep pointing to my situation and trying to convince him that it's not quite like he imagines. We have 4 kids and make less than half what he and his wife make, yet our kids don't miss out on anything and are happy and well-adjusted. None of them resent having three other siblings, and the three older ones all like the idea of us having one or two more.


#7

[quote="Gordon_Sims, post:6, topic:239772"]
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

I had a friend tell me as much recently. He already has one baby and has seen that the expected disruptions never materialized, but he's afraid to take the plunge again because he's certain that the other shoe will drop. He thinks a second child would be unfair to the first and add undue financial strain. I keep pointing to my situation and trying to convince him that it's not quite like he imagines. We have 4 kids and make less than half what he and his wife make, yet our kids don't miss out on anything and are happy and well-adjusted. None of them resent having three other siblings, and the three older ones all like the idea of us having one or two more.

[/quote]

I was an only child for the first 7 years of my life... When I reached 5 or 6, I started longing so badly for brothers and sisters. I remember in first grade everyone was supposed to draw a picture of their family, and I cried because there were only 3 people in my picture, while it seemed everyone else had siblings in theirs. Then my sister came along, and then another, and then a brother, and I am SO grateful for them all! Siblings are the best gift I have ever received (besides my husband:))! We are all close, and know that whatever friends come and go, we will always have each other and be loyal through everything.

I really hope that God will bless me with a large family!:gopray2:


#8

Thanks for sharing this article. :)


#9

Interesting article - also fwded it along. I'll admit that I myself shared in some of the modern cultural concerns about finding the (non-existent) ideal time to have children. 16 Months ago God blessed my wife and I with a beautiful baby boy who is now 7 months old. He is the most precious thing in the world. I doubt that if I could go back in time I could explain to me how positive of a life change this would be. If only our modern culture was open to God's will instead of fooling around with chemical non-sense that is destructive to women's bodies we could all be so fortunate.

For the economists out there, think of it this way: 401k/IRA/extinct pensions are certainly no where as secure investment instruments as diversifying your retirement plan with numerous children. After all, who could deny their elderly parents a place to live when they grow old :wink:


#10

[quote="ak85, post:9, topic:239772"]
For the economists out there, think of it this way: 401k/IRA/extinct pensions are certainly no where as secure investment instruments as diversifying your retirement plan with numerous children. After all, who could deny their elderly parents a place to live when they grow old :wink:

[/quote]

And how much total money would be spent on the "numerous children" over their lifetimes vs the money required to save up (even with no interest) for your own retirement by the time you get that old? :wink:

Not saying it's a bad idea to have children in general; just that this would be a terrible reason to do it.


#11

I thought of this article yesterday when we were shopping and a woman in a store came up and started talking to my husband about how our girls are beautiful, and she wishes she had grandkids but her kids just aren't ready. She named the great jobs they had, but started talking about how they didn't want kids until they were settled in one place and had bought houses.

My husband (who I'd just told about this article) smiled and said, "But you know, if you wait until the timing is perfect, it never happens. Because the timing never actually is perfect."

If looks could kill he'd be dead.


#12

[quote="RedSoxWife, post:11, topic:239772"]
I thought of this article yesterday when we were shopping and a woman in a store came up and started talking to my husband about how our girls are beautiful, and she wishes she had grandkids but her kids just aren't ready. She named the great jobs they had, but started talking about how they didn't want kids until they were settled in one place and had bought houses.

My husband (who I'd just told about this article) smiled and said, "But you know, if you wait until the timing is perfect, it never happens. Because the timing never actually is perfect."

If looks could kill he'd be dead.

[/quote]

This was a topic of discussion at a gathering of supporters of our local Catholic high school this week; so many young people put off children until things are "just right", and then they find that it's not as easy as they thought to conceive. There also seems to be a bit of an epidemic of infertility here among young couples (in their 20s) who don't wait many years, as well, which is another thread entirely...


#13

I believe there are quite a good number of factors that have to be met before trying to bring a child into this world. CCC 2221 - 2230
For me, I see those duties of parents as preconditions for having children. (Well, you could argue that they are also preconditions for getting married in the first place.)

Then comes CCC 2231

Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.

There are some who want to get married but wouldn't want to (immediately) have children of their own in order to...(as above).

So if you would prefer to care for someone else say a child or children in need out there (kind of making it rational not to want to have kids of your own--at least the way I see it.) does that mean that you shouldn't get married at all? :shrug:

The way a child is brought up at home has a huge impact on what s/he becomes in future. So if I were a workaholic or if I feel I would become a workaholic, I would be sceptical about (immediately) wanting to have children. But the CCC seems to suggest that workaholics/those who would prefer to care for other people should forgo marriage.

I wouldn't really say waiting for the "perfect time" or until "things are just right" but rather until there is some guarantee that those preconditions will be met. For instance, that you will be there for the child. That you will be at home to create that conducive environment--as described in the CCC-- for the child to grow in.


#14

Most of the people I know who have waited did so to extend their adolescence. They wanted to party and travel through their 20's, then their early 30's, not their mid to late 30's, etc. Some are finding out how difficult it can be to conceive, especially after 20 or more years on the pill. Others are still waiting. I can't say exactly what it is they're waiting for, or why they think it will be easier being a first time parent at 40.


#15

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