like the title says, I’ve hit my Auntie and Grandma, I’m not proud of it, and I’m thoroughly sorry for what I’ve done, I’m still trying to forgive myself about it, I think I shouldn’t go to confession until I have truly forgiven myself, because, even though it just happened once, I still have done it, I’ve hit them, I can’t take back what I did, and those memories will be forever in their hearts and mind, to the point that I will lose face with it, I’m really sorry about it, I’ve said sorry to them already, cried about it A LOT too.
(my auntie and Grandma have this horrible habit of getting to your face even if you’re sick, and can’t even speak a sentence due to my mouth sores that’s been going on for 3 months now, and they still scold me about it, that I don’t take care of myself and everything, that I don’t drink enough water, I can’t even open my mouth due to the pain, I can’t eat or drink well, I’m getting weaker by the day and they still scold me with super high voices, it’s not hell, but it’s really close, because this “SColding” has been going on everyday since I came back from school, it’ been a week now, and they still are scolding me, and then last night, it happened, I’ve hit them, I’m deeply sorry about it.)
I just can’t help but wonder about this one thing: "is it still okay to be close with other people, especially girls? I’ve done a horrible thing last night, and I just simply can’t take it back, what if this “hitting” happens again?, how do I recover from this, I’m intended to have a wife one day, what if this “hitting” were to happen again?, I mean it happened just once, but it still happened, it is possible that God would feel bad about creating me right, it’s written somewhere in the old Testament, when He said something like: “Why did I create humans”, something like that, I’ve failed Him so much already, I’m still trying to forgive myself about my past sins, and here I am, creating a new sin to burden myself with more, I don’t EVER WANT to do this “hitting” again, against anyone, but it still happened, How can the Lord even think about forgiving me about this, this mouth sores are killing me physically, this “hitting-thing” is killing me spiritually, emotionally. this anger is destroying my family, for the very first time, I just don’t have a clue on what to do next. Please help… please…
GOD LOVES YOU>