I have seen many threads on here with young people in high school in college that are contemplating marriage. Some have jobs, some do not. Some have a good financial situation and some have a lot of debt.
I see some people that say you need to be established before considering marriage and dating. Otherz disagree and say it is better to start early.
None of these addresses something I think is critical and that is the attraction part.
We all know that a huge part of marriage is finances. I see that many claim that finances are a big factor behind divorces.
In my life, I know women that have left wealthy men for poor men. I know women that have left poor men for a rich man.
From readng these forums, I see women that complain about their man not having a job or fearing that they will have to be the primary money maker. I have seen some men worried about marrying a girl with high debt.
With finances being so important, why are things like finances and a job not one of the primary things to look for in a spouse? Shouldnt a job and steady finances make one more attractive than other qualities?
One of the things that Islam promotes is how a marriage is beneficial to both spouses because it is more rational than Western romantic love. The idea being that marriage is just as much a business transaction as it is a union of two people.
Prior to the 20th century, Christian marriages were largely financial or for status. Royal and noble families as well as well to do families used marriage as a way to maintain their status and to increase their power and wealth. Marriage was a necessity for the poorer classes and many used it as a way to move up the social ladder.
The marriages were largely successful and there were fewer divorces. Today, we find that romantic love blinds us to many problems. Divorce rates are very high now.
I am not a proponent of arranged marriages. However, does anyone agree with me that we need to introduce more rationality into marriage and less emotion? Is it really a healthy thing when we let our emotions and physical attraction overule our sense of rationality and making prudent decisions in life?
I know of one girl that is neglecting her studies because she has a new boyfriend. She is having her brother do all her work for her. I know another girl that worked three jobs to pay off her and her fiancee’s, who didnt work, student loans only to be dumped by the guy.
To me, it seems that marriages would be stronger if people tried to make better decisions even if it means some short term pain. Many overlook the long term for the short term and find that they madr big mistakes as time goes on.