Jokes/Puns you would like to share

Wow. Is that the longest word in the Welsh language?

Also, here in southeastern PA there’s a lot of Welsh place names (e.g. Bryn Mawr, North Wales, Upper & Lower Gwynedd) since the Welsh settled this part of Pennsylvania.

My late paternal grandfather knew 11 different languages. The Welsh miners would rather die than defile their tongues with English and the bosses spoke English so he was the go-between since he knew Welsh & English.

It’s the longest place name in the UK

1 Like

That’s hilarious! :laughing::joy::laughing:

My late maternal grandmother used to say that old age never comes alone.

1 Like

That sign is also in the gas station I normally use. :+1:

1 Like

Top of the morning to you on this St. Patrick’s day! How about some limericks to share? Nothing bawdy, of course. Rules for writing limericks is 3 long lines and 2 short lines with the rhyme scheme of aabba. Like this one that I made up several years ago.
Tis wearin’ the green so they say
That gives you good luck all the day.
So if you are smart
You’ll take this to heart
From orange you’d best stay away.
Maybe you would like to share an Irish toast or prayer instead. Here’s a blessing for your home that I found but can’t recall where. I like to send it either with wedding congratulations or for new home best wishes.
May joy be all around you
May blessings find your door
And may God fill your happy home
With love forever more.
:four_leaf_clover:Slainte!!:four_leaf_clover:

2 Likes

I was seduced by a mime. She did unspeakable things to me.

2 Likes

i heard these were irish

May you be a half-hour in heaven before the Devil knows your dead.

this one is a little risque

May you die in bed at ninety-five years, shot by a jealous husband.

Just in time for St. Padraig’s Day.

After Mass, Mary walked up to her priest and said: “Oh father, me dear husband Paddy passed away last night.”

The priest replied: “Oh Mary, did Paddy have any last words?”

Mary said: "Yes, father. He said: ‘Mary, put down the gun.’ "

3 Likes

Finland have just closed their borders…
Which means no one can cross the finish line.


If social distancing makes you feel lonely…
… just buy some stocks. Then you’ll have a bit of company.


Im so delighted.
A thief stole my lamp


What do you call a snake exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon

5 Likes

Not so much a joke, but my niece cringe laughed. She is out of school at the moment, but they still have to do work, so she was pointing to her math homework and asking me “what do I have to do right here”? And I told her “pray, there’s even a cross”.

3 Likes

@upant Thanks! Those are all good chuckles but I may have to “borrow” the first one to send to my grandson. He is 14 and a cross country runner so I think that he would appreciate it. His last statewide race got cancelled due to COVID19 precautions. If I get any thumbs up grandma points I’ll have to let you know.

1 Like

@RN69, please feel free to add your own

City guy goes duck hunting and shoots a duck but it lands on the property of a farmer. When he goes to get it the farmer says the duck is his cause it landed on his property. The city guy says no way. It goes like this for awhile until the farmer says okay we will solve this the country way. We will kick each other in the groin and the last one standing gets the duck. City guy says well okay if that’s what it takes. Farmer guy says I’ll go first and wham kicks the city guy. The city guy screams in immense pain and falls to the ground and moans in pain for about 5 minutes. He finally staggers to his feet and says okay my turn. The farmer says nah it’s okay you can have the duck.

2 Likes

Haha. I like this.

1 Like

Why do so many people in the former Soviet Union move so fast?

Because, they’re Russian
.

2 Likes

During the delivery of his Sunday morning sermon, the pastor observed that a parishioner had fallen asleep.
He stopped his sermon and addressed the parishioners wife, “Mrs. Smith, will you please wake your husband?”
The very indignant Mrs. Smith responded, “l certainly will not. You put him to sleep. You wake him,”

1 Like

My wife asked for help with a puzzle. She said to hand her pieces with rocks and water.

I said shore.


For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife

Not made to scale


Wanted to start panic buying.

But I saw my bank account and can only panic.


My girlfriend is like the Miranda Rights.

Anything I say can and will be used against me.


I logged into Facebook the other day and got a message saying “We value your privacy.”

Well I know that. How else could you sell it?


1 Like

I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes

I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven


Why can’t pencils move?

Because they are stationery


I put all my watches together to make a belt

It was a waist of time


I saw my wife slightly drunk, yelling at the TV :”Don’t go in the church, you moron”

She’s watching our wedding video again


4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn’t order a Guinness, to which he replied:

“I figured if you 3 weren’t ordering beer it would be rude for me to.”


3 Likes
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.