Jokes you would like to share


#282

Yes, pine nuts, we should remember them.

And a haunted place in the mountains, there’s a song about it, ‘the trail of the lonesome pine’ if you listen carefully you might hear it up there, pining lonesomely.


#283

"I’m half Irish and half Jewish.

“Half of me wants to get drunk, and the other half doesn’t want to pay for it.”

—UNKNOWN


#284

G.Gordon Liddy would tell a story about his brother-in-law, the Lector: A militant nun would apply “White Out” to all the male pronouns in that day’s readings for the Mass. His brother-in-law would then go through the readings and write them back in again.


#285

My aunt married a tightrope walker on purpose, she wanted very well balanced children. The unforeseen problems arose later when she just couldn’t get them off the clothes lines.


#286

This is from the quiz show Pointless .


#287

but on the bright side, i bet the kids always smelled springtime fresh


#288

Last Christmas Eve my son phoned he said “dad, what would you like for Christmas tomorrow I’m last minute shopping?” I said “yeah, those will do nicely…”


#289

What you do you call a cat who eats lemons?
-A sourpuss


#290

My wife accused me of having an affair with a lass from Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch. How could she say such a thing?


#291

How indeed! :scream:


#292

Do you say that or sneeze that?


#293

ROFL. Excellent!

Llanfair: The church (or parish) of St Mary,

pwllgwyngyll: (of the) pool of the white hazels,

gogerychwyrndrobwl: near (or close to) the rapid whirlpool

llantysilio: (and) the church – or parish – of St Tysilio

gogogoch: of the red cave

Usually shortened to LlanfairPG


#294

My maternal grandfather was English (we lived in the Rhondda Valley, South Wales). He came to understand Welsh, but never learned to speak it.

It was said that English folk could never speak Welsh, because their tongues were not long enough (to twist around the words)!


#295

That’s what the English told them :wink:


#296

Einstein said to Lebron James: “You’ve got Le-Brawn :muscle: and I’ve got Le-brains.” :brain:


#297

How about some “You know you’re old when…” jokes?

You know you’re old when you kneel down to pick something up off the floor, and try to figure out what else you might accomplish since you’re already down there?


#298

You know you’re old when you drop something, and decide you didn’t need it anyway rather than try to get down and not be able to get up again.


#299

You know you’re old when you drop something you’ve never seen before!


#300

Old age is all in the mind…

…until it seeps down into our bodies!


#301

Once during Mass, the priest used his homily to chide the faithful for kneeling and for folding their hands to pray. “That’s not how it was done in the Early Church.” As there were no kneelers and people used the Orans posture. Of course the sermon was delivered on wall-to-wall carpeting, under electric lighting using an electronic PA system in a building equipped with a modern central heating system.


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