Judge others, without being judged; that is what people want today


#1

**

Judge others, without being judged; that is what people want today.

**I believe that this problem is caused by a lack of humility and a desire by some to behave as they wish, without anyone correcting them. **

**Many today, are self-centered and they want everyone to agree with them on their terms. Some misuse the “don’t judge others’ comment, not because they have a problem with “judging” others but because, they don’t want you to judge them, when they are engaged in bad or disagreeable behavior. **

**Some people need to be judged and corrected. The “don’t judge others” comment has turned into a tool, misused by some today, to win, or end arguments. Often times, it is a comment, which is intended to insult and when misused, it is condescending and hypocritical. Some use this comment to divert attention away from themselves and their own negative behavior. **

Judging
[LIST]
*]**There is - “Final Judgment”, which is reserved for God alone **
*]There is - “Falsely judging” others
*]There is - “Wrongly judging” others
*]There is - “Hypocritical judgment” of others
*]There is - Judging others to identify and avoid sin and the occasion of sin
*]**There is - Judging others, in order to identify a problem and offer a solution **
*]There is - Judging others and situations for the purpose of a threat assessment
*]There is - Judging others, involved in the educational and training process
*]There is - Judging others, in the context of the Criminal Justice System
*]**There is - Judging, involved in a selection process **
*]There is - Judging, involved in a background and security clearance process[/LIST]And so on…and so on…

Not all “judging” is wrong and in some cases, “judging” someone is absolutely necessary in order to identify and correct negative behavior. I believe that relativism and widely accepted immoral behavior goes unchecked today, because people are afraid to “judge”. We could all use a little corrective “judging” but unfortunately for many; their egos will not allow it.

- By Jimmy B.**
Do you judge others in a good way, bad way… or both?

Should there be more “judging” today?

“Judging of others”, Guilty as charged……

Peace :slight_smile:


We are not to judge others
#2

Not long ago my teenage grandson came to our house with a new hair-do. It was a new color, (bright red) he had a pony tail and the front hung down over his eyes. He was wearing torn pants that looked like they were falling off, he had chains hanging offf his pants and wore a badly fitting black bomber jacket. His shoes were not a matching pair and looked like he’d found them on the highway, no shoe laces, no socks. Neither my husband or I said a word. We just both figured his parents would get a grip on the situation and /or he would get tired of looking like a 1940;s hobo. Tom’s mother, however, began to explode saying that everyone was “judging” her son. “They think he is a bad kid and he is really a good kid”. " People shouldn’t judge!!! "
'
This young man had been an A student all through his school years. Finally his mom told us that in his junior year, he was failing every subject. His friends were all dropping out of school. She insisted that the real problem was his friends, a bad influence on her Tom. Rather confusing…she didn’t want anyone to judge her sons dress and bad behavior yet she was judging his friends…

The word “judge” is taken out of context far too often. The court judge must judge, and we must make judgements every day in our lives. We must learn to “judge” what is best for ourselves and family, etc. etc.

Mom of 5


#3

Hello Mom of 5,

What ever happened to “constructive criticism”?

Thank you for your post…I agree and your story unfortunately, is one that is common today…I think the key here when “judging”, is to love one another. If we love someone, we help them…Sometimes people need some positive, loving, constructive criticism.

Peace :slight_smile:


#4

You are right…constructive criticism should and could be very helpful. However that is another problem in our society. CC is also considered “judging”. I’ve heard, “you made your own mistakes, let me make mine”. Of course the correct reply is “a smart man learns from his mistakes, but an even smater man learns from other mistakes”. My step-daughter (living with boy friend, two children out of wed-lock) told me that she and her siblings will like me if I don’t try to “give us your morals”. She obviously doesn’t understand that morals, good or bad, can not be “given” or forced on anyone. It is just obeying the ten C. I love them anyway and try to give good example in all I do. I must let God do the rest.

Mom of 5


#5

Peace and Blessings to you

Sounds to me like Tom needs not to be “judged” at this time in his life, maybe he is “searching” to find him self.
For me he sounds “lost” but maybe not for what God wants of him.

He may need some people to ask questions, share opinions and offer wisdom about the potential implications and consequence of not studying in a non judgmental way.

He may really benefit from some ones testimony of their own life.

Judgment often implies sentencing. For young people this is often misconstrued as condement some people look real weird to me but very acceptable to others.

When my daughters dress as i dont approve i explain how i see it, how others may even if they are wrong and how they may react. I suggest they take some time to pray and reflect.

But under my roof we have some rules,

These rules are conditions of my support.

I feed and cloth those i am responsible for until the can be responsible.

My daughters have a responsibility, that is to study and make the grade or ask for help.

when they can do it they it on their they will not need my support or my conditions.

I make it clear i am not judging them they may know better but until they can do better i am responsible to God to do my best for and by them.

I have to judge my own actions, many people may not judge their own.

My grandma (PBWH) never guided me or judged me and was always their. her non judgmental attitude made me feel secure that no matter how far i fell she would be there for me. That security was a blessing.

After God woke me up I reflected and do often that she is very much the one person in my life that shaped me into a better person. If it were not for her i guess i may have gone much further of the rails than i did.

May God bless you and your family. My prayer is Tom will always see you both as prayerful loving people that offered him security and encouragement to pray.


#6

**

**Judge others, without being judged; that is what people want today.

I believe that this problem is caused by a lack of humility and a desire by some to behave as they wish, without anyone correcting them. **

**Many today, are self-centered and they want everyone to agree with them on their terms. Some misuse the “don’t judge others’ comment, not because they have a problem with “judging” others but because, they don’t want you to judge them, when they are engaged in bad or disagreeable behavior. **

**Some people need to be judged and corrected. The “don’t judge others” comment has turned into a tool, misused by some today, to win, or end arguments. Often times, it is a comment, which is intended to insult and when misused, it is condescending and hypocritical. Some use this comment to divert attention away from themselves and their own negative behavior. **

Judging
[LIST]
*]**There is - “Final Judgment”, which is reserved for God alone **
*]There is - “Falsely judging” others
*]There is - “Wrongly judging” others
*]There is - “Hypocritical judgment” of others
*]There is - Judging others to identify and avoid sin and the occasion of sin
*]**There is - Judging others, in order to identify a problem and offer a solution **
*]There is - Judging others and situations for the purpose of a threat assessment
*]There is - Judging others, involved in the educational and training process
*]There is - Judging others, in the context of the Criminal Justice System
*]**There is - Judging, involved in a selection process **
*]There is - Judging, involved in a background and security clearance process[/LIST]And so on…and so on…

Not all “judging” is wrong and in some cases, “judging” someone is absolutely necessary in order to identify and correct negative behavior. I believe that relativism and widely accepted immoral behavior goes unchecked today, because people are afraid to “judge”. We could all use a little corrective “judging” but unfortunately for many; their egos will not allow it.

- By Jimmy B.
**


#7

We should judge behavior and things, not human beings. We judge melons, whether they are fresh or not. We judge novels, whether they are poorly written or not, etc. We judge the novel, not the person writing it.

If we are in a court of law and have evidence of a crime that’s been committed, the judge and/or jury decide based on the evidence whether or not the crime was committed and what the punishment should be. There is no judgment of the worth of the person. There is only the crime, the evidence and the punishment.

I think that’s where we are falling off the wagon, so to speak. And I believe that is what Jesus was referring to when he spoke His famous words of “Do not judge…”. He wasn’t saying don’t judge behavior and have a chaotic society. He was saying don’t judge a person’s worth and heart, because only that person and the Lord knows their heart.

When my kids do something wrong, i.e. have bad behavior, then I tell them that their behavior is unacceptable, while affirming their personal worth as a human being and worthy of compassion and love. If you don’t do this, you may drive the children to have low self-esteem and even bigger issues.

Hopefully, that makes sense.

Peace…

MW


#8

Hello Mystic Warrior,

“We should judge behavior and things, not human beings”

The human beings are the ones who are involved in the negative behavior and if “we” do not or are children do not learn to avoid bad people; involved in immoral or criminal behavior, they may themselves, become “bad people”.

“I tell them that their behavior is unacceptable, while affirming their personal worth as a human being and worthy of compassion and love”

What does this even mean?

When my kids ever did anything wrong, the last thing they felt from me was “personal worth as a human being and worthy of compassion and love”.

I am a tough, no-nonsense type of father and I never put up with any bs from my kids, or any of their friends. From a young age, I have pointed out people to them who were criminals and just, plan, bad people; people who were doing things that they were not supposed to do.

I stopped talking to my kids like “babies” when they were really young. None of my kids has ever done dope or broken the law and none of them has a problem with a low self-esteem.

As the Father, I have been the disciplinarian and even though I love my kids and spend a lot of time with them. When ever they did something wrong, I “hammered” them. Their mother got to be their “friend” and I am the person who had to “take one for the team”.

It is not easy being a responsible parent, especially in today’s world but part of it is leading by example.

If, as an adult, you (in general) are not responsible, or do drugs, or break the law, your kids are probably going too as well. I forced my kids to attend Mass, until they moved out of my house. All of my children are 100% Catholic and I don’t have to worry about them joining some sort of cult. I know this, because I know them.

I think it is good to treat children with a direct approach but always be honest with them. My two oldest couldn’t wait to move out and they “hated” me from about 15-18, now they are becoming my best friends.

They are now, assertive, well-adjusted, happy, normal, responsible, law-abiding adults. I do not see any “Prozac” in their future because when they were young, I was not easy on them and they learned how to deal with stress.

My daughter is a veteran; she has her degree and can speak three languages. She went into the military at 17 1/2. She is now a beautiful, smart, decent and very successful, happily married young lady. She still has her clearance and is working in the D.C. area.

My oldest boy is in the Army, attending the USMA at West Point. He has always been an outstanding athlete. He too, joined the military at 17 1/2 years old and he wants to be a doctor. He recently maxed out on the SAT’s, so I know that he will do well. My youngest boy plays high school football and baseball and gets great grades. He too wants to join the military at 17 1/2.

I grew-up in HUD housing, in and around the Los Angeles area and I am the only son, out of four boys to graduate from high school. My younger brother was shot in the neck, when he was 15 years old.

When I was young, I played sports, Boxing, Wrestling, Martial Arts and so on and my brothers did not. They all got on the dope when they were younger and their adult lives have been very difficult.

I am now a retired Los Angele Police Officer, so I did not do too badly, considering where I came from but my kids are already doing better and that is the point of parenting. We should want are kids to grow up to be smarter, stronger, happier, healthier, wealthier, and morally correct.

Sometimes the “big hug” type a parenting isn’t going to get it done.

Thank you for your post, sorry I was sidetracked but this new style of parenting that I see today drives me nuts and it is not good for the kids. Kids need love but they also need structure.

Most of my comments here were of a general nature, I am sure that you are a great parent.

God Bless You :slight_smile:


#9

What about judging whom one will save? Say there is a fire, and there is a criminal and an officer in the blaze…

:angel1:


#10

This one is too easy… :smiley: , unless of course, your partner in crime is in the building.

This question would be like asking an American soldier in Iraq, who he would rescue first, his fellow soldier…. or the terrorist.

Hopefully, in both cases, everyone is rescued but you make an excellent point here.


#11

At the time you evaluate the situation, ask God, and act without question.
A disciplined competent person in right relationship with God will do this.
We don’t need to think any deeper one these type of question.

If you live your life of submitting and prayer to the Father / God …) and lead an ordered life the result will be correct.

Regardless to how we see it after.


#12

I thought I already wrote a reply, but I don’t see it. Oh well, I’ll do it again.

Of course the human beings are the ones doing the sinful or negative behavior. So? You confront them about it, tell them whatever they did was morally wrong, give examples of the right thing to do and move on to correction/punishment. I don’t see how that’s an abnormal parental style :shrug:

Tell me something. What do you do when your kid did/does something wrong? Did you tell them they were a bad kid? Did you make them write a paper on how terrible they are?

My approach to my kids and to other people is the same. I take a direct approach. If I don’t like something that someone does, I call them on it. I tell them it’s unacceptable to do drugs, to lie, to steal, to hit, to curse God, etc. I love them regardless of what they do though. I wouldn’t be a good father or friend if I didn’t have that balance. I suppose you could call it “hate the sin, love the sinner” type approach.

I pray the Our Father every night with my children. They recite it themselves now. They each have their Bibles and we actually have long discussions sometimes about angels, God, heaven and evil. My children are all under 11 years old.

If a moral situation is shown on TV or in the paper, I use that time to instruct them. And you know what? My kids know what’s right and wrong. If they watch something on the TV that contradicts our values they will turn to me and say, “That’s not good” and we change the channel.

If they see kids being mean to other kids they tell me that the kid shouldn’t do that because it hurts people’s feelings. They are instructed at church, at home and at school about character and Christian values. And the thing is that this can be done without labeling the kids (and other people) as “bad”.

I don’t even know what a bad person or good person is. However, I certainly know what is sinful and what is not. We are all sinners saved by grace. What you would call good, upright godly people do some really bad things sometimes. And what you would call bad, criminal and evil people sometimes do some really good things.

According to the Scriptures, none of us are without sin. None of us are righteous in God’s eyes. None of us “deserve” Heaven as if we had birth rights to it. This being the case, how can you call anyone “good” and anyone “bad”?

I respect what you shared about your children. And I am very happy things have turned out well. However, the truth is that even pastor’s families have troubles. PK kids rebel. They sometimes behave criminally and shame their families.

There is no guarantee in this life on what our children will become simply because of their parents. We do the best the we can to show them right and wrong, to love them, to educate them and give them responsibilities. It’s up to them to follow through with that.

After what you have seen as a police officer I can understand your viewpoint. It has molded who you are today, an upright godly person. I would imagine that the behavior you have seen and the crimes you’ve witnessed have left scars. If you are constantly inundated with people who do bad things, it’s easy to label them as “x” kind of people. Don’t ever forget though, that God loves them just as much as He loves you. And He expects us to love them as well.

Peace and blessings to you…

MW


#13

Just my 2 cents here…There is a Commandment that teaches “Honor Thy Mother And Thy Father” in which we all know, I use to think that, why didn’t God make a commandment for children? Then I came across these lines from the bible:
Parents, do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying.—Colossians 3:21

**Parents, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord.----Ephesians 6:4

When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you.—Ephesians 4:29**

I too have two great boys who are grown and never did drugs and are very successful. My only regret is that I didn’t raise them in the church…I didn’t know God at that time. :frowning:


#14

Great Post! It sounds like your kids a very lucky to have you…See… I knew you were a good parent… :slight_smile:

And you are correct, no matter what we do as parents or how hard we try, we cannot always control what happens…

This is true in life…“Sometimes bad things happen to good people”.

Peace :slight_smile:


#15

Great post! Don’t worry…they will come around…most of them do, at one point or another… as long as they got the basics when they were growing up… as I’m sure yours did…

We never stop being parents, regardless of how old are children are…

Maybe your faith will still “rub-off” on them…:smiley:

Peace :slight_smile:


#16

Steven John, you have written a really good answer. Our best assurance that we will do the right thing when a difficult situation arises is to live a life as close to God as we can, surrendering ourselves to God, and living a deep prayer life.

Actually, this goes for any situation where we may need to judge, not just a difficult one.


#17

Yes, most poeple today misuse that phrase and other similar phrases. The Bible tells us that we will know people by their fruits.

Matthew 7:15 RSV "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
Matthew 7:16 RSV You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles?
Matthew 7:17 RSV So, every sound tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears evil fruit.
Matthew 7:18 RSV A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.
Matthew 7:19 RSV Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
Matthew 7:20 RSV Thus you will know them by their fruits.

I take from these five verses that we are to judge people by their fruits. This does not mean that we are to judge another person’s salvation though I do not think.


#18

Hello Holly, all great points!

Feel free to post more, using more Bible verses. When I have the time and energy, I like to post, using Bible verses…not so much though in the last couple of weeks, I just returned from New York City…and the trip wore me out.

Your post has given me encouragement, to once again post, using Bible verses.

Thank You!

Peace


#19

Thank you Jimmy! And you are most welcome! I love to help out whenever I can! Spreading the Faith is one of my favorite things to do. :thumbsup:


#20

People often misuse the “judge not” passages in Matthew 7 and Luke 6. There, Jesus is telling us that only God has the right to condemn -not that it’s wrong for us to distinguish (or make a judgment) between right and wrong behavior. A lot of it’s common sense-we’re not being asked to turn off our brains. So John 7:24 puts a different perspective on judgment when Jesus says:

“Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment."

We are to learn to judge by the heart, as God does.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam 16:7


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