Just a rant


#1

I’ll try to be brief. I am just spouting off steam :mad:

My wife’s (unchurched) adult daughter & the 2 granddaughters 2 & 4 years old have been living with us a few months now. Her husband would not hold a job so she could not properly care for the girls as a result :frowning: For me this was not a problem. Divorce proceedings have not yet been started.

Within the last few weeks she has started seeing another man. One morning I got up for work & his car was still outside. That evening I told my wife about it. He had left before she got up for work so she was not aware. She said she’d talk to the daughter about it. A few days later it happened again. Then 2 days later again. I told my wife & said I’d like her to handle it since it was her daughter. She did. When I left for work yesterday he was not there. When I got home he was not there. When I got home from my evening job (about 22:00) he was. At the time I said nothing, wanting to see if he was going home :ehh: Come midnight I was off to bed. They went into her room & closed the door :doh2: That was it! I told my wife “This place is turning into their playhouse. It has to stop.” :tsktsk: She said she did not want a direct confrontation. I said that it had to be corrected now. I gave her the option of doing it or that I would. She got up, knocked on the daughter’s door & said that the fellow had to stop staying the night. The girl came into the Master Bedroom to ask if it could wait till tomorrow. I said “No” :dts: She used several logical arguments to support her position. I said “No.” :dts: He left for home.


#2

Good for you…hold your ground. BTW … are you charging her rent? I think you should be.


#3

Ugh. Being a step-dad is hard. Especially if step-daughter is grown up, has children and is making choices like these. God bless you for doing what was right.


#4

No, we’re not. She has no income. She probably will not be able to get a job for a few years. My wife & I both work. Somebody has to take care of the babies. I’m OK with all that.


#5

These are the two things that popped into my head. I guess that I am under the mentality “My house, my rules!”

I admire you for your strength to not go in there and toss the guy our yourself. I believe that you have every right to act as you wish and, again, I admire your composure to have your wife deal with it. I think that you can talk with her about what “limits” there are for you in this situation. I would think that you would have full parental rights to make decisions such as punishment and the such.

I would also think about charging rent, otherwise she does not feel responsible for anything and she will not care about anything in your home.


#6

She may not be your daughter so you didn’t have a chance to help raise her but you will have influence on the childern. Someone has to be the foundation to the family and show some standards. You are absolutely in the right. Your house your rules.

P.S. My step dad didn’t try to raise me. He was apart of my life but left the raising to by mom and dad BUT he still has influence on my life. I will call him for advice and truly like him as a man. Same goes for my step mom. They are both beautiful people and i am glad they are in my life. I would have never disrespected them in their house. They are just as much members of the family as I so there word should be respect!


#7

Wow, good for you for standing your ground. A lot of other people would have let it go and kept complaining about the problem.


#8

You are correct:yup: no argument from me. But she has no income & may not for a few years. :frowning: I may talk to my wife about having her keep the house clean. I’ll still do the cooking. I’m real snooty :wink: 'er, I mean picky about food preperation :slight_smile:


#9

I completely agree :thumbsup: if she does not have the money to pay for rent then she is responsible for some of the household duties. Acutally I would say a lot of the household duties. she is obviously responsible for herself and her kids and their care, but she needs to clean house also and do odds and ends jobs.


#10

Keeping the house clean could be her job…in fact with two little ones, it’s a full time job…Just something to thank about

MY HOUSE MY RULES … if you want to live here, you have to contribute…clean the house, do the launday, etc…

but say it in LOVE … of course.


#11

I am totally with those who subscribe to “my house my rules”. I don’t care whose daughter she is - as husband of the house you have the right to put your foot down and say that the overnights are not acceptable.

She needs to think long and hard about what she’s doing in front of her children. The girl needs some serious counseling to get her priorities in order.

~Liza


#12

:amen: to that Lisa. Now you fine folks that were kind enough to back me up :blessyou: and please say another prayer. As I mentioned the daughter is unchurched. All but the most vague of Christian values are not even there :frowning: and right now she probably does not want to hear a single word I have to say.


#13

Well - my response to her on that one is - if you want a roof over your head, and help with raising your children, I don’t care what you believe or don’t belive, but you will live by my rules in my home. Of course you care what she believes, but it is not relevant to her living arrangements.

Keep up the good work and stay strong!! :thumbsup:

~Liza


#14

Well I am praying for you!:gopray:


#15

Good for you!! I wish more parents in your situation would do the same. You have got to try to teach morals to children, even adult ones sometimes. And especially for those grandbabies! It IS your house, so your rules must be followed. If she doesn’t want to follow your rules, she can get a job and get her own place. Other single parents do it. She could too. Hopefully, she will choose to stay with you, since it sounds like she needs the good influence you will bring to her and her children. God bless you for what you are doing!


#16

Good for you for having house rules. Which probably should have been explained to her on moving day, to avoid such an issue. But in addition to the morality of it, have you thought of the legal situation she has put herself in, or you?

If she has not even filed divorce papers, then she is committing adultery. And her husband could use that against her in a court. It doesn’t matter if he has a job or can’t keep a job. And if he had a PI watching her, YOU could be called to testify in a court of law that she was committing adultery under your roof. Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable? And that adultery could work against her in a custody case. Another set of grandparents could end up raising those children, instead of you and your wife.

At the very least, she needs to get savvy legally. She’s playing with fire.


#17

Agree with all the other posters here both financially and legally.

How sad she didn’t consider the feelings of her mom, stepdad, and her own children before beginning this behavior. Simple courtesy and respect for the rest of the family shouldn’t even be a question. I feel for you and pray for the whole family.

Hoping that peace and comfort find its way into your home and hearts very soon for all involved. God Bless.

Rant anytime you need to.


#18

Thanks again my Christian friend :gopray:


#19

I will need it … Thank you dear Friend :angel1:


#20

Thanks … I may need to. You are a pal :slight_smile:

The daughter may not be mine. The granddaughters may not be my blood, but that does not mean I do not care.

You guys know what I mean … Thanks

Luv ya

-Dirk


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