Just another "single" thread


I’ve tried to keep my chin up. I’ve done novenas. I have gone to tons of young adult events. I am active in my church. I tutor kids. I hike with a hiking group, I am in a book club and a few other clubs. I’m active in my community in general. I have been on avemaria for over 2 years, nearly 3…and have gotten no where even though I recently contacted 9 different men. (nine for novena). For the first couple of years it didn’t bug me, but now it’s starting to. I even went through a phaze where I thing I would want to be single a few years. It is fun at times.

I love my freedom, my ability to be lazy. I love that I can do a whole bunch of things married people can’t.

But I’m over it.

And I’m out of ideas of where to meet people…or what to do…

I will commiserate with you, I love that I don’t really have to take anyone else into my decision making but I want the husband and kids. I have become more active in community this year, I have been praying and meeting, yet not even a boyfriend. However, I believe he is out there and I will meet him in time. Every time I start to worry I ask God for patience.

Well, my husband was on dating sites for 5 years before he met me and was just about to finally give up and cancel his account when we were paired up on eHarmony. If I had waited just a few more weeks to join, I would have missed him entirely!
I know it’s probably not much comfort right now, but God often steps in when we feel like we are at the end of our ropes and are preparing to give up to despair. It sounds like you are being very proactive by praying and putting youself out there in the community and on the web, so you are doing the best you can. And finding the right person is well worth the wait, even if it feels like it takes forever. Just try not to give up hope. :hug1:

Im basically giving up myself. No matter what I do, women seem repulsed by me or dont like me. I think being single is better. Rejection hurts. Ive been rejected more times than I can even count.

Being single for life may be selfish but its better than dealing with most women these days.

There’s always a reason why things don’t work. I mean certainly, it could be an accident because accidents do happen (things that have a low probability of happening but, by definition, in a million of people they will still happen to a dozen and there’s no reason one shouldn’t be in that dozen, as low as the probability is), but sometimes there’s just the lack of compatibility in terms of expectations, personality, hobbies, “chemistry” and the like.

It might be a good idea to try and look for the reason. Do we intimidate people? Do we have a persona that scares them (being “an original” in this or that way)? Do we have some habits or hobbies that alienate them? Do we somehow manage to convey the impression we’re not interested in a relationship or don’t care? Do we send apathetic or angsty or otherwise negative vibes? Do we give the impression we want a relationship so much it doesn’t really matter who it is with? People don’t like that.

The solution is not necessarily to change but rather to cast our figurative net in different waters, targetting a different kind of people, maybe making sure to explain certain things or prepare people for them. There’s time for chitchat and there’s time for talking about the meaning of life. :wink: On the other hand, I doubt it matters that much when one meets the “right” person. Many people say when you meet the “right” person there’s really little you can do wrong. I’m inclined to agree with them, although I have very little personal experience with that.

It doesn’t hurt to put oneself in the other’s shoes and talk and talk a lot about things. Misunderstandings often come from lack of sufficient communication and the biggest problem with communication is the assumption that it’s taking place. Additionally, other people are as prone to mispresenting themselves as we are, so generally, it’s always good to talk about things (not a brutal, frank way, but with some empathy).

Other than this, well, some people take long to find a match. I’m one of those people too, so I know. It’s a matter of values, personality, hobbies, some combinations are difficult to match. One could obviously force a match to cut the waiting but that’s what we call “settling” and it’s generally not what we have in mind when we go out to meet people.

Where I’m driving at, also, is that the (apparent) inability to find anybody matching shouldn’t give you the impression you’re not attractive because of it (although it always helps to work on things that make us nicer to look at, talk to etc.), and you shouldn’t lose confidence because of that. There are too many factors to it, with compatibility issues in the lead.

Anybody still awake? :stuck_out_tongue:

If being single for life is selfish then what is Jesus to you?

Stop trying. By that I don’t mean “give up” but if you actively look for love it’s going to run away from you. It’s when you least expect it that it will come up and slap you in the face and say “HI!!!”

That was single for the sake of the kingdom. :wink: Not exactly the same as getting the degree, then getting the job, then getting the promotion and always something.

Single for the kingdom…? Jesus is God, He did not NEED to be single but He chose to. He would go to heaven either way since it’s His kingdom, after all.

… And why can’t you guys be single for the kingdom? Lots of people do it. Priests, bishops, the Pope, the religious, etc.

Single for the sake of the kingdom is different from single for the sake of the career, which is why being single by choice can be selfish or why being single through no choice can occasionally feel selfish for using the freedom.

Maybe I missed something, but I don’t think anyone said they were intentionally single for the sake of their career.
I think some of the previous posters on this thread should seek to sanctify their vocation in life right now. Perhaps God is calling them to do something before they are ready for the vocations of marriage, priesthood/sisterhood/brotherhood, etc.
Also, try reading some of the epistles (not sure the exact spot, but it shouldn’t be hard to find), Paul makes a very good point that when we are single we have a wonderful opportunity to focus solely on God without worrying so much about things of this world. Remember that.
No vocation should ever be about selfishness, but rather selfLESSness.
God bless,

p.s.- C.S. Lewis said that selflessness wasn’t in thinking of ourselves as less, but rather in forgetting to make ourselves our main priority

No, of course, no one said that. I was pointing out the reasons why being single while not being religious or otherwise sworn to celibacy could feel selfish to those affected by it. This is basically one more of the inconveniences single people may experience: they might feel somewhat selfish as compared to those who have families to care for. I’m talking about a subjective feeling that appears for a cause, not a sensible judgement that appears for a reason. :slight_smile: Sorry if it was confusing.

This may big a big part of the problem. If you have a negative attitude towards women (and what you’ve said about women in other threads has upset multiple female posters and even a male one I know both online and offline) we pick up on it. No woman wants to be involved with a man who thinks she’s scum, or even the rare exception to the scum he expects to find.

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re being proactive and making yourself available, which is important. I don’t have any additional advice, except that maybe just take it easy for a while. I get the sense that perhaps you may be trying a little too hard, and sometimes guys pick up on it. In the meantime, just enjoy your single life. Do things that make you happy, because people are attracted to happy people.

In any case, best of luck to you in the new year!

Happy New Year:extrahappy::extrahappy:

Yeah I know what you mean. shoot, I just turned 48 and I’m still waiting. I come from a large family. I got 8 siblings to which I’m the third oldest. They’re all married and have at least three kids. And to boot, one of my nephew’s and a neice have a child. I to have prayed and what have you, and here I sit all alone. I was supposed to go to some new year dance but that fell through. I’m not gonna give up tho.
Peace to all.

jesus g

Do you like Rice & Gravy?

A fun song by a top notch Catholc band should at least put a smile on your face!

"Ca C’est Bon" by L’Angelus

And my ABSOLUTE favorite:
Cajun L’Angelus performing Lac Bijou by Zachary Richard

There are so many things to learn from these songs and videos. Observe the beauty and fun. Think! Watch these 17 times if necessary because you will observe and learn
*]the hearts of women compared with the hearts of men.
*]the different energies of men and women,
*]what makes women precious and attractive.

I understand this, I really do. Which sea shore are you near? Or are you near one at all? Can we ask your age?

I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is that it sounds like you are doing the right things. One of the hardest to remember is that everything happens in God’s time and not ours. It is like the timeless story of the man that talks to God realizing that one cent to God is like a million dollars to us. He looks up at the sky and he says, “Hey God can I have million dollars?”

God looks down and says, “Sure son - in a second.”

Maybe during this time with every one of those men there was lesson to be learned from meeting every one of them that will prepare you to be a better wife for the one that you are called to marry in His time. God bless you and Happy New Year.

I’m 27…east coast should suffice…

Stop trying. By that I don’t mean “give up” but if you actively look for love it’s going to run away from you. It’s when you least expect it that it will come up and slap you in the face and say “HI!!!”

IRL I don’t much flirt with guys. Most of my non-YA group guys are not catholic…many aren’t any religion at all. So I kinda consider them “ineligible”

Im basically giving up myself. No matter what I do, women seem repulsed by me or dont like me. I think being single is better. Rejection hurts. Ive been rejected more times than I can even count.

Being single for life may be selfish but its better than dealing with most women these days.

Your often harsh posts and constant cynism…atlest on here…may be part of your problem.

This is so true. In my case I found out that my bf was cheating on me. I felt my whole world was collapsing. I was depressed, lost appetite in eating , couldnt’t find a reason for living but despite of everyhting that happened I never even dared to put the blame on God. All I did was to pray to God and told him that I don’t know what to pray, I don’t know if I still wanted him back in my life, I just didn’t know what to pray but still I prayed to God and never stopped doing that. I activated my avemarisingles account that day ( I have been an inactive member for more than 2 years then) and then a guy wrote me. I responded that letter, got to know the guy and to make the long story short we have now been married for 2 years :slight_smile: So never give up. Always pray to the Lord and tell him “YOUR WILL BE DONE LORD, NOT MINE BUT YOURS”. Don’t expect so much in life. Things normally come when you least expect it and when it comes you will be very happy 'cause you never expected it and that is what you call a blessing from God. God loves you and even if you still don’t have a boyfriedn yet he is already blessing you.Life in itself is a blessing. Happy new year and stay positive !!!

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.