Just venting about annulments


#1

Last night I received an email from my advocate giving me 4 options for my pending case. At the bottom was a side note that the Judge Advocate appointed to the case was leaving at the end of next week and they are interviewing for a replacement. It wouldn’t be so bad but this will be the 4th Judge instructor to work on my case. Last time it took over 4 months to get the next official Judge advocate appointed and they had another one ‘advising’ my advocate on my case for the interm.

The case is reaching nearly 23 months since it was submitted.
Options are: submit to a personality questionnare to be reviewed by a psych, re-interview witnesses (who were originally interviewed about 20 months ago), travel to the tribunal office for a face-to-face interview (I have moved during the last 4 months so the trip would be over 600mi one-way), withdraw the case.

I am probably going to end up withdrawing the case and restarting in the Diocese I’m currently living in. I hate the thought that I believed in the process and it seems to have failed terribly. I feel misled and deceived by the people involved. My life has been on hold waiting for an outcome on this and I am so close to just giving up.
Worst of all, I feel guilty for feeling this way. I know it’s the right thing to do and that I’m jeopardizing my soul if I pursue a marriage outside of the Church, even though I truly believe that the first marriage was not a true one. I wasn’t even Catholic at the time so my view on marriage wasn’t in line with the Church.

I have consulted a priest from my current Diocese. He had the local tribunal contact the one handling the case and was told it was proceding well and that the information was nearly complete. He initially told me to stick with the process, now with the new information, he’s advising me to pull the case and start over too.

Sorry for the vent.
Thanks for listening.


#2

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope an pray that you have a quick resolve.

I kept calling my Diocese every 2 weeks. Every step, I asked them, how long will that take, how long will this take. I think they got sick of me calling and worked the case. They told me it takes an average on 18 to 20 months, mine was done 9 months, from start to end. I made sure my witnesses did not lolly gag, I was on top of it every step of the way.

I honestly could not move on with my life, nor my two adopted kids until mine was finished. In short, my ex sexually molested our two adopted children that we got through foster care. Her rights were terminated and she was sent to prison for 7 to 20 years. After she was caught, she admitted to being molested her whole life as a child, something that was never mentioned to me.

To make a long story short, I felt 9 months was a long time, I can not imagine how 23 months would be. Getting an annulment helps you move forward when you have to put your life on hold, knowing yourself that you are in an invalid marriage.

My wife now, when I met her, we stayed as friends until my annulment. I know that I was not free and I was falling in love with my future wife. You know how hard it was to not be able to tell her how much I loved her before my annulment. After I got that final degree, oh boy, I shouted it from the roof. The time taught me the appreciation of marriage and of my future wife.

I will definitely have you in my prayers so this is resolved. If moving the annulment means it could go faster, I would say move it, if it is “almost done” then you may want to stay. It sure sounds like a difficult decision. I will definitely have you in my prayers! :gopray2:


#3

You have 3 choices of where to have your case heard, the diocese where you were married, the diocese where your ex spouse lives, and the diocese where you currently live. I have been told that generally the smaller the diocese the more quickly they can handle a case. That might be something to consider. Is it possible for them to transfer the paperwork to another diocese so that witnesses don’t have to be reinterviewed, etc? That would certainly make it easier.

That does sound like quite a trial that you are going through, and I can understand how you must feel. Just don’t give up on your faith. I’m sure that you won’t regret seeing this process through.


#4

I would start over, asking the local tribunal to get all they could from the other tribunal to try to expedite things in the interest of justice to make up for the time that has been lost through the initial tribunal’s systemic mishandling of their caseload. What you are describing is ridiculous.


closed #5

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