Juvenile Exegesis - a little humor


#1

These come from a Catholic elementary school test. From a nun grading papers:

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY
HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT
IN.

  1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.. GOD GOT TIRED OF
    CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

  2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
    OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

  3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT ABALL OF FIRE
    DURING THE NIGHT.

  4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
    TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

  5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
    LIKE DELILAH.

  6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

  7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
    WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

  8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
    WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

  9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

  10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

  11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE
    HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

  12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
    STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

  13. DAVID WAS A HEBREWKING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
    FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

  14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

  15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

  16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
    JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

  17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

  18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

  19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
    BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
    SWEAT ALONE.

  20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
    THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

  21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

  22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

  23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST.MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

  24. ST.. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY
    WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

  25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.


#2

Hiyas:)

They are funny.....but I doubt done by kids Example...the wrong words spelled correctly.


#3

[quote="kimmielittle, post:2, topic:186002"]
Hiyas:)

They are funny.....but I doubt done by kids Example...the wrong words spelled correctly.

[/quote]

I agree


#4

My experience with children is that they will find a word that sounds like the word they mean to use but it is the wrong word, so they choose that wrong word and are quite fastidious about spelling that wrong word correctly.

I have not really tried to find the source of this. I just took it at face value and enjoyed laughing. A real nun who compiled this would have to maintain anonymity and certainly could never take credit for it.

I have graded some papers of young folk and you get all manner of nonsensicalness and no recognizable patterns apply.


#5

:rotfl:

I have seven younger siblings....this sounds like them! Hilarious!


#6

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