JW SIL butting in my life!


#1

I’m so angry! I just received a call from my SIL (Diana) and she told me that her older sister (Christie) is never going to allow me, Diana or my MIL to influence DH on coming back to the CC. :mad: I am furious. I cannot believe that Christie would actually pull that on us. I have never said anything to DH about coming back to the CC, but she said she’s going to make sure he goes to ALL their JW meetings and that we don’t try to pull him out of the WBTS. Christie has no right to get in our life :mad: As a JW she’s worried her family is becoming “apostate” , but she knew I was Catholic before I married her little brother. Now she’s trying to turn him against me (thing Diana told me). :mad: Diana said Christie wants DH and I to divorce.

What can I do? I don’t know if I can handle this…

No wonder she calls him 4-5 times a day every single day.


#2

I say move and don’t give your phone numbers.

Indiana has some nice houses at reasonable prices.

Really, the best protection against divisive inlaws is to move far away. sad, but true.


#3

Ummm, consider a few things.

This is all hearsay. Christie has said no such thing to you and no such thing to your DH, correct? You don’t know if it was ever said, if something like it was said but misunderstood, if something like it was said in a fit of frustration, but not meant seriously, if that exact same thing was said and meant intensely, but since repented of, or if by charitable reaction on your part, the same might be repented of in the future, providing the context for her conversion to the CC!I

Keep your eye on the ball, here. God doesn’t just want you and your DH. He wants her, and He wants her more intensely than you can imagine. Whenever possible, God expects you to go for the whole ball of wax, too. If the report is true, let the difference be that you, unlike Christie, understand how souls are won.

Keep in mind, too, that the life of your marriage depends on no one but you and your DH. If you (plural) decide to make your marriage a priority, the gates of hell won’t prevail against it, let alone a meddling SIL (or two). Trust me, they have tried. It is best that they be treated like mosquitoes in Minnesota, the inevitable downside to this lovely country you have given your life to, and not as if they were Nazi storm troopers with the power to carry you all off in the dead of night.

If moving is what it takes to keep peace in your home, by all means, move. Don’t pack up on the advice of gossip or hearsay, though. To be cut off from one’s family is like cutting off a limb. It is sometimes a life-saving operation, absolutely, but it is still one to be reserved for extreme cases.

In other words, your best course of action is devotion to your faith, devotion to your DH, and devotion to the cause of your new family’s conversion. Pray every day for your conversion, for your husbands, but also for theirs. This Christie is not lukewarm, and that is a point in God’s favor. (Don’t forget to enlist St. Paul’s intercession in this matter. He knows a thing or two about the strong-willed.)

In any case, although I am sure she must have meant well, it was not Diana’s business to pass this on and upset you. Charity requires–REQUIRES!–that you put the best possible interpretation on what Christie might have said or meant. This is no handicap, for following the Will of God is always to our greatest advantage. Proceed carefully, then, and above all prayerfully, with the best interest of all souls in mind.

This is not a battle to be won on your strength or cunning, but by the power and Will of our patient and merciful Father in Heaven and our Lord Jesus Christ, who loves each and every one of you to the extent of death on a Cross. Do not forget that. Then you will be OK.


#4

Whenever she calls, turn the conversation to asking if she would like to sign up for the parish blood drive…

I know it sounds like I’m making light of the situation, but maybe she will lose her desire to pester you…

The other thing would be to straight out tell her to stop calling five times a day and to check into what protection phone harassment laws could provide.


#5

How has (or will) your husband responded to the news of this phone call? If he isn’t outraged (as he should be), you’ve got much bigger problems than the SIL.

I recommend the book Toxic In-Laws and some marital counseling so that you and your husband can find and communicate firm and loving boundaries to his relatives. If you don’t have your husband backing you, it doesn’t matter what you do because you’ll be 1 against all. In situations like that, it is only the grace of God which can prevail, and you can get that through prayer. I recommend a lot of that.


#6

I don’t think you need to drag the law in to block her calls. Even if DH didn’t want to block them entirely, most phones now will let him screen them before deciding to pick up.

In some families, though, there is some reason family members feel a need to be on-call for each other all the time: one of them is the caretaker for an older or sick relative, they have a family business, they have a family history of weak boundaries and don’t see it as a big problem, etc. Her DH’s perception is reality. She has to start from there…gently. What should never be in question is that she has his back, no matter what.

I remember the days of party lines…my parents shared a party line with both in-laws and the family business. Everybody in the neighborhood had party lines, and many had snoopy neighbors who would sneak in an eaves-drop now and then. It was irritating, but it seemed so much the norm that it was just something you put up with. If that is the way with DH’s family, then challenging the whole system is something that needs to be done with compassion and a lot of tact.

This is a situation where an excess of anger is not going to be a help, even where indignation is more than warranted. There needs to be self-control and enough of a clear head to pick battles carefully.

Keep the main thing the main thing, and pray, pray, pray…if only to help you remember what the main thing is.


#7

Put yourself in her shoes for just a minute… her entire family is falling away from what she thinks is the ONLY safe place for them when Armegeddon comes - and she thinks it’s going to come any day now. She no doubt loves her little brother very much and she thinks that although she’s lost everyone else, maybe she can hang on to him. I am sure she is only trying to protect - and in her brainwashed mind - that means keeping him at the Kingdom Hall.

I feel so sorry for her. :frowning:

Also, Diana had no right to tell you all of that anyhow. Christie might have been “venting” to her sister - as sisters do - and she didn’t intend for you to hear it.

I say let it go. I agree with the previous poster who said you should try to be the best Christian witness possible and the best wife to your DH. Pray pray pray for his conversion & his sister’s. I believe God is really working in that family and maybe Christie is feeling that tug on her heart & she is more scared than ever. I can’t tell you how horrible it is when you realize that everything you’ve ever believed is wrong.

Besides, Jesus would have you love her. Remember He said it’s easy to love people who are loveable - it’s much harder to love SIL’s who are pains in the you know whats. (I’m paraphrasing here :wink: )


#8

I’d like to thank all of those who tried helping me. This post helped me get my anger out and made me feel better after reading the responses. After I posted this, I called DH to tell him the situation, and he assured me that he wouldn’t allow anyone to get in between us because he loves me and the reason why he married me is because he wants to be w/me for the rest of his life. He also mentioned that as a JW he cannot divorce me, so not to worry. Well, as a Catholic I cannot either… lol anywho, thanks again for your support!! You guys are great!! :smiley:


#9

best answer!!! leaving is not an option… thats all there is to the subject… :slight_smile:


#10

Don’t want them to call? Just ask them questions they can’t answer. :wink:

Stumpers for the Jehovah’s Witnesses
and
More Stumpers for the Jehovah’s Witnesses

Be extra polite and just ask questions.

First, ask the stumper. And then ask how they reconcile their answer with the Bible, history, etc. Once they feel that you’re damaging their faith, they are obligated to leave you alone. :smiley:

And the long-term benefit is that you’ve planted a seed of truth.

See also:
You Can’t Be Right, You Can’t Be Right

You are in my prayers,


#11

:rotfl:

I am confused a bit so forgive me…is your husband a Catholic convert? Did he marry you in the Catholic Church and knows that you have an obligation to raise your children Catholic? Does he recognize that you have a Sacramentally Valid marriage…do you have one?


#12

My DH is a JW convert. He used to be Catholic when he was a child. We’re not married through the CC, but I’m getting that fixed through a sanation, so it’ll be a valid & sacramental marriage (long story)… he knows we have to raise the children Catholic. No complaints yet.


#13

BTW… his sister doesn’t call my house, she calls his cell… :mad:


#14

Is your DH willing to tell his interfering sisters to leave you alone? Is he willing to change his cell phone, and not gove them the number?


#15

actually, no :frowning:


#16

that is a problem:( !


#17

That is a BIG problem:( !


#18

Tell her to butt out of your life and make it stick.


#19

Oh my :-s
I’m so sad to read this, you are in a VERY difficult situation!
That woman is going out of her way to cause problems in your marriage, I hope your husband is not following, and that he understand that his duty is WITH YOU, you’re his family now, and he should try to put a stop to it…
She has no business doing in your marriage… It seems like she’s trying to sabotage your marriage, as calling him 4/5 times a day seems obsessive and invasive… You should be able to tell your husband you don’t want that anymore, that he’s a married man now, and his sister NEEDS to get a life… That doesn’t include the 2 of you!
Just because she’s the older sister doesn’t mean she has a right to control his life or marriage!
Be careful, this is serious! Talk to a priest and ask him for advice, I’m pretty sure he’s probably had people with the same problems before, specially with people in mixed marriages.
I will be praying that your situation get solved in the most peaceful way possible.:thumbsup:


#20

take it to the elders. i’d call upon them and ask for a meeting.
they have no right to deny you this either. also, have ameeting with your priest. change your phone number if it gets more out of hand. speak to your husband as well. he must have an opinion on this? he has to stand by his wife. tell the elders that her interrfering will not be tolerated, and if they refuse to do something about it then your going to have to get the law on your side. you can ask for a resraining order, if the judge does not grant you that, then hire a lawyer who will be paid by legal aid. don’t let her get away with this,it is not her marriage and she is vioalting your rights to religious freedom. that might be an issue for the court because she is trying to shove her beliefs down someone elses throat and she has no right to do so. you can also get call block for your phone.

you need to have a polite family meeting. you also need to let her know she has no right to cross the line as she has, and don’t let her cow you. you are married to him, and not her. just because she is family does not give her the licence to interfere in your life.she cannot make sure your hubby goes to all those meetings. that is coercion, and force. that is against the law.

find out what your legal rights are, and if you have to, contact ACLU. ( american civil liberties union ) i don’t know what they can do, but it might be worth it to call them. lay down the law because your husband might not.\

at no time are you to be uncharitable with her or anyone else.
because they will think they are right, and in so doing, you might not have any hope of ever showing your DH the truth.
but stand your ground. change your number if you have to, put call block on it, if you have to, call the phone company and tell them she is harassing you. if it doesn’t stop that is.

make sure you answer the phone at all times. if you have to, tape the call because it will prove she is harassing you. she has to stop this. i know what i say sounds extreme, but if you have tried all else to get it to stop, then you can consider other legal ways to get it to stop.

i witnessed a similar situation with my ex mil. my ex brother in law had abad accident that paralyzed him from the waist down. and his wife in order to deal with the emotional trauma she experienced as a result of almost losing her husband would have a sip of wine to calm down, and some of her friends talked her into going to the bar to help her calm her nerves. and my ex mil found that out and she said at the dinner table one time that she ought to find her son a nice christian wife. ( a jw ) her sons are not witnesses, and neither was my ex brother in laws wife.

she meddled where she had no business doing so. the first step for you to do is to contact the elders and tell them ewhat you told us. and then meet with your priest. speak to your husband as well. tell him you want to meet with the elders.
and if he refuses you to do so, then tell him you will have to put a stop to this because she is trying to ruin your marriage.

the elders must step in because her behavior is out of line. even for a witness it is out of line. they are to respect marriages even if they don’t agree with it. she has no right to tell you that she will make sure he gets to all the meetings.

document what she says, the time and date and if there are witnesses to the conversation, take their name and phone number because the elders might ask you for proof of her conduct. everytime she phones, document the conversation, and the time and date she called.

if she shows up in person, document it. why? because if you meet with the elders they will ask you for proof. they always do. witnesses to her behavior are important, so if you have any witnesses get a statement from them. the elders will require it.


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