Keep having to go to confession


#1

Hi all,

I am a 25 year old a month into trying to return to the faith and going to mass every Sunday. I have been to confession every week during this month. I know that going weekly is a good thing, and I truly do feel that the graces I receive from it are worth it, but the problem is I keep NEEDING to go. As in, I believe that I am possibly continually committing mortal sin. You see, I live with my mom…and we are both rather hot tempered and get into tiffs frequently,some minor, and occasionally, not so minor… Just today I went to confession, and then tonight, my mom brought up the topic of putting our dog to sleep (this has been a stressful point for some time, as I have thought the dog isn’t ready yet, while she thinks the dog is a dog and has had a good life and it is time…). Well, the conversation ended up upsetting me to the point that I got very angry/sad/upset all at once and exploded, yelling at her that I hated her and couldn’t stand her anymore and some other nasty things I’d rather not say here. I really was very upset. I know that sometimes emotional state can lessen the degree of grave sin, and while this is an extreme case, it seems that we quarrel at least somewhat every week so I keep going to confession for disrespecting and being angry with her. What am I to do?

Rose


#2

You seem to be like every 25 year old living with Mom. They get very tiring after the age of fifteen. The reason they have weekly confession is exactly your problem. We are all constant sinners fighting against a range of temptations and situations that lead us to lose our temper and then regret it. Regret is a wonderful tool. We should use it all the time as a thermometer of our conscience. Keep fighting the good fight against your temper. Try to be more patient
with your mom, even if you have to leave the room to cool down. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you are doing fine going to confession and thinking about the remedies for your faults. A lot of people don’t even do that.


#3

One of my sons lived at home until he was in his late 20’s due to the economy. If I told you about some of the rip roaring, hair pulling almost fist fights we got into over everything from his work ethic or lack thereof to whether he had deliberately and maliciously left his coke can on my piano–well, it would take a book! His dog once irritated me so much because it was a male and used to hike its leg and pee (mark) on my husband’s lounge chair that I insisted he put it in the garage during the day when nobody was home. One day, I came home for lunch, and walked in my front door just as his dog hiked its leg on my husband’s chair. I was FURIOUS!! I turned the stupid dog outside–waited 30 minutes–and called him to tell him his dog was missing! He finally found it and brought it home–but can you picture the fight after that little incident? LOL! :smiley:

My son is on his own now, has a good job–and a son–and we laugh sometimes about it all now. Keep going to confession as you need–no, I don’t think the fighting with your mom is a mortal sin–unless fists, knives or guns are involved----but as a new Catholic you are in the process of developing a Catholic conscience. Things that wouldn’t have bothered you before, you are aware of now. And hint: when you possibly can–move into a place of your own! You and your mom will both be saner!


#4

What your going through is a typical family situation… Try not to get to stressed about it…
Maybe buy your mom some Roses, flowers to a mom covers many misgivings,
Try it, see the Glow of her smile…
Then there is your anger problem, well this could be brought about by mutual frustration,
Think about how your mom thinks about her world, she is an individual trying to do the
Right thing the best way she knows how,which may or may not be your way…
If your really worried about your anger… Have you thought about anger management ?
Then your concern about confession every week… Maybe go once every three weeks,
Surely you don’t commit that many sins, I’m sure your not a bad bad person…

God Bless

#5

To struggle against sin is a key part of being a Christian. It is better to go to Confession every week because you need to than to go once a year because you couldn’t care less. Keep up the fight against sin. You are not alone. :slight_smile:


#6

Is it possible that you suffer from Obsessive compulsive disorder? Just remember your thoughts aren’t a sin just your actions.


#7

I see nothing wrong with going to confession as you do. Of course, speaking to a priest will be the best option if you have doubts.

I am in a similar situation, I’m 21 years old and live with my mother. Family problems, as well as personal ones keep sending me to confession.

As Zekariya posted, the struggle with sin is a key part of being Christian, now different people sin more/less than others. Only you truly know what you do, and when you need confession, again if you have doubts, speak to a priest about it.


#8

Thank you all so much for your replies.

I actually have the financial means to live on my own (I am in a healthcare profession), but I’m in grad school and living with my mom saves me money, while her health is not the greatest and I can help her out as well.

Yes, I do have some OCD traits! Although I don’t believe I have full blown OCD. How could you tell? This is a serious question.

I will continue to go to confession. Thank you for the encouragement.


#9

Then why does “I confess” say "I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do.’?

Also, Jesus tells us that someone who has lusted “in his heart” (in thought only) has sinned?

A transient thought is not a sin, only a temptation, but one that is considered and agreed with and “owned” is, indeed, a sin.


#10

Sins of thought–in my opinion and someone please correct me if I’m wrong—are usually ones where you deliberately contemplate an idea that is sinful–fully aware that it’s sinful, but you enjoy the thoughts and so you willfully allow them.

The example I’d use is a situation where a man likes to daydream about having sexual relations with a female coworker–and though he may or may not ever actually move forward on having such relations with her, he still sets around day dreaming about it because it’s pleasurable to him.

Another example might be a woman who is unhappy in her marriage and spends time deliberately thinking about how she could leave her husband, find someone else and how much she’d enjoy her new life. I actually knew a woman who did this for years–and it was pretty sad.

I don’t think that a fleeting thought that just crosses your mind unsollicited and that you immediately do your best to put aside is actually a sin. But if I had a question, I always think it’s best to speak to your priest and get his opinion on it.


#11

If a lustful thought enters your mind as a temptation, you can reject it or you can entertain it. It is a sin if you entertain it. :slight_smile:


#12

It comes through in your story. While some of your fights with your mom might be mortal sins, a good chunk are probably not, and if you are going weekly because of your fear of it being mortal, it could be an indicator of OCD. (Take everything I just said with a grain of salt, as I am just using basic probabilities about the nature and ferocity of your fights.)

I would do two important things that could help out: 1 - Make sure that you regularly go to the same confessor if possible. 2 - mention to him that you have some OCD traits.

This is important so that he can help you over time to be able to distinguish between mortal and venial sins, and to possibly help give actions/strategies you can use to mitigate the OCD traits.


#13

Yes, I’ve always had the tendency to get “stuck” on certain thoughts or ruminate over things, but I don’t believe that I actually have the disorder…I keep going because I believe I desperately need the graces right now to keep from falling away from the faith…although I have been a Catholic my whole life I have never gone to mass regularly or fully ascribed to the faith, and I recently felt a push to really try and live and believe the faith. I was raised to “pick and choose” my beliefs and to be naturally suspicious of religion. I also feel that I do not fully understand how to know if you are in mortal or venial sin. I understand that mortal sin entails full knowledge, grave matter, and complete consent, but I often do not understand how complete consent factors into my actions.

I realize that in the past I have taken communion while in mortal sin, while not fully grasping that I was indeed in mortal sin, because I did not take the faith or the eucharist seriously. It is not that I had intentions of disrespect, but I feel that I did not fully understand the faith, or that our secular culture had really made me believe that as long as you’re a good person, religion is a nice little side hobby, and while I always knew the eucharist was the body and blood of christ, I didn’t really KNOW it. Later, I started to understand more, but was living a life of sin like many young people, and avoided mass and the eucharist because in my mind, if the eucharist was real, then I couldn’t disrespect Jesus by taking it, knowing full well I am living a life of sin.

I suppose what I’m getting at, is that now that I feel like the fullness of the faith has really “dawned” on me, I can’t stand the thought of taking the eucharist while possibly being in mortal sin, so if I have any doubt, I feel obligated to to go confession.


#14

Not saying you don’t try but you will never stop sinning. That should be evidence enough for anyone that we in fact will always need God’s grace :wink:


#15

Firstly, I’d like to say that no one leaves the Confessional thinking that it’s his last time there. It’s a place we should visit often, and your visiting weekly is better than many other (even devout Catholics). I’d encourage you to at least continue this practice.

Secondly, I’d recommend that it may be beneficial to find a spiritual director who is a priest. He would be able to hear your Confession, and talk to you about different spiritual problems and developments. You can find a priest who you think is a good confessor, and ask him, if you’d like. It’s an optional practice, but most people find it incredibly fruitful.

Lastly, I might encourage you to make a thorough examination of conscious daily. There are booklets available for this, and even apps for smartphones and iPods (I recommend Confession: A Roman Catholic App). Doing this regularly will help you recognize your sins better, and usually helps with keeping yourself away from sins and the near occasion of sin.

God bless you on your journey.


closed #16

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