This morning, during my 11th Step, I was (as usual) praying the Rosary. During the 2nd decade I heard the whisper of a thought (not my own) in my head - “Stop keeping score”.
It dawned on me that conciously or not I often have a tendency to keep score with the people in my life - they did that and this to me, this or that for me, this or that with me. I conciously, or not, have a tendency to keep score with my own actions - I did this or that to them, this or that for them or with them, as the case may be - and that this kind of mental score keeping can affect my relationships.
Now, in my spiritual practices, it is necessary for me to do a 10th step every evening…in fact, throughout my day if I can remember to do so, but every evening at the very least I must review my day. I must look for times when I was selfish, self-seeking, dishonest or acted out of self-centered fear. If I owe anyone an apology I need to make it as soon as possible. If I owe anyone an amends I must do so as soon as possible. I must also be willing to look at what I did right that day, and give thanks to God for getting me through that day. But that ends it and so that kind of score keeping is not what I mean.
So what I realized, instead, is that I can without realizing I am doing it keep a scorecard of what others do and don’t do, to and for me, and then act accordingly - and so the challenge becomes being able to act from love towards people irregardless of how they behave towards me.
During the season of Advent, this will be my spiritual challenge. Has anyone else met this challenge successfully; could you share your experiences, please?