Kids under 7 banned from Wedding Church Ceremony


#1

I just recently attended a protestant wedding of my protestant relative at a non-denominational chapel in a resort area. I have 2 kids: one is 5 years old and another is 3 years old. The prominent protestant pastor specifically notified the wedding event organizer not to allow any kids under 7 years old to enter the chapel. Because of this, I ended up taking care of my kids during that 1.5 hours wedding ceremony outside the chapel while my wife participated in the ceremony because the groom is her sibling.

I assume the protestant pastor wanted the wedding ceremony to be free from the kids’ noise. Under any circumstances, is this charitable according to the Christian principles or maybe this is common and a non-issue at all since it’s just the kids.

Thanks for your opinion.


#2

I’m not sure why someone really wouldn’t want children at their wedding, but if that is the case, then it should have been explicit in your brother-in-law’s invitation that children were not welcome. They should have only invited you and your wife so that you could make arrangements with a babysitter.
Just my opinion… :shrug:


#3

I don't know if this is common practice,but did you ask your wife if her sibling or her siblings fiance made the no children in the chapel request ? Did you ask if the kidos were invited to the wedding before you brought them to the resort? Or was it the Pastor who made the announcement a the last minute without consulting the bride and groom? If that is the case i never really heard of that practice before.

Sometime people don't want young kids at their wedding for noise and distraction reasons. You really should just ask your inlaws about the situation.:shrug:


#4

I've been involved in many weddings (never as a bride). The brides says it is because kids are too noisy and will "ruin their day". :rolleyes: Like the rude cousin isn't loud. :D Or the drunk maid of honor (me, it was my revenge for wearing a puce dress). :p


#5

Barring any mental problems of guests I don’t know why children wouldn’t be allowed. I’ve known two weddings where small children/babies weren’t allowed. One was where the cousin of the bride was autistic and start to involuntarily scream when he heard crying. The other was where the sister of the bride had just lost a child and was extremely, clinically depressed and the sight of a child caused her to break down.

Other than that. I work at a college. Children are banned from classrooms and study areas. Years ago children could sit in on classes and color, however manners have degraded to the point where they are strictly forbidden. Parents no longer care to teach their children manners. I know on this board parents care and teach their children, but in society today children just don’t behave. I could see how a frustrated a pastor would be.


#6

Sorry you had to go through that. We had more kids than adults at our Wedding Mass. It was glorious. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.


#7

I would not assume that this is just a “protestant” thing. I have received at least two invitations to Catholic weddings that politely said that it was a formal occasion and no children please.

I do think it was odd that the invitations did not specify no children in advance so guests did not end up in your situation having already arrived with their children. Something tells me that is more the fault of the pastor or couple getting married, not the fact that they were protestant.

I think the issue of kids is a factor it is best handled on an individual basis. We welcomed kids at our wedding, but I did exclude a friend of my mother’s from the guest list because she always brings her kids (when they are welcome or not) and they are COMPLETELY out of control (think swinging from the chandelier).

Sounds like it was an awkward situation for you.


#8

It sounds like the perfect excuse for missing the wedding without hurting anyone's feelings. Anything that lets me skip out on a wedding is good in my book. :)


#9

[quote="KostyaJMJ, post:8, topic:182269"]
It sounds like the perfect excuse for missing the wedding without hurting anyone's feelings. Anything that lets me skip out on a wedding is good in my book. :)

[/quote]

:rotfl: I wish I had a child, and I could use that as an excuse (I wonder if I could consider my cats as children?)


#10

Maybe you can volunteer to babysit for someone in the family?

There are only two things that irritate me as far as wedding rules

  1. scheduling so that the liturgy doesn’t take care of Sunday obligation. If I have to go to church on Saturday I want it to count for something.

  2. no alcohol at the reception.


#11

[quote="KostyaJMJ, post:10, topic:182269"]
Maybe you can volunteer to babysit for someone in the family?

There are only two things that irritate me as far as wedding rules

  1. scheduling so that the liturgy doesn't take care of Sunday obligation. If I have to go to church on Saturday I want it to count for something.

  2. no alcohol at the reception.

[/quote]

You wouldn't want me watching kids, my cats HATE children.

When I am involved in the wedding, it had to have an open bar, otherwise, no dice. If I see ANOTHER friend getting married, I need to be wasted. :) Nothing beats free booze.


#12

Honestly, one of the reasons my husband and I even looked at the Catholic Church was because we couldn’t find a Protestant church that welcomed children. They were always shuttled off to nurseries or “kids church” or some such thing. The best situation was a glass-enclosed room for mothers (dads not allowed due to nursing moms) and their small children to sit in and hear the service piped in, but that was quite rare. The Catholic Church was the only one we found that was (a) Biblical, (b) liturgical and © welcoming of children.

Anyway, it’s unfortunate that the groom & his bride didn’t plan for the children of their immediate family. Likely they didn’t know any better. They might not have even known that the preacher had posted somebody at the door to turn kids away.


#13

Although its far stretch I hope I don’t know either of you IRL. What a disgusting thought.

Unless my future-husband (whom I don’t know yet) absolutely insists that there be some sort of alcohol, my wedding will be dry. Too many family members who are like you two and think that alcohol (and the latter getting sloshed) is part of receptions.


#14

I’m not trying to knock any group… but I do think that non-Catholic Christians have more of a tendency to consider weddings to be adult formal occasions rather than family occasions. Not all, obviously.

In any case, I wouldn’t expect non-Catholics to take the same view of weddings as Catholics.

I do, however, think it odd that this prohibition of children in the chapel would not be made known to the guests prior to them arriving at the wedding. I know that some people expect that only those explicitly named on an invitation will show up – so if spouses and children are not explicitly listed then they are meant to be excluded.

I do think couples who are getting married have the right to request that children not attend, so long as they understand they will eliminate a number of the guests who might otherwise attend. And they need to make this request known in plenty of time for the parents of children to decide whether to accept or decline the invitation.

But I’ve never heard of a pastor making the decision for a couple. Is it possible that it is the resort/chapel operators who are behind the prohibition against children?


#15

Kids can be very noisy, I can't imagine anyone who would want to take the risk of having someone's child scream during their wedding.

The un-Christian thing was not telling you this in advance and leaving you standing outside the chapel.


#16

No flower girls for this wedding?


#17

But it numbs pain. :slight_smile: Being single is painful, but that is another discussion. :smiley: It’s called exaggeration. :wink: I don’t get wasted, just to the point where the pain stops.
I’m the one usually crying in the bathroom, or helping the bride go to the bathroom (those dresses are a pain to handle alone). I help my friends plan their weddings (I usually help with several a year). I’ve handled a lot of mean bride-to-be (they exist outside of the TV show Bridezillas). I was the go-to girl in my group. :slight_smile: I like the idea of weddings. But they are painful for me to go to (I was engaged, but my fiance was killed two weeks before the wedding).


#18

[quote="CountrySinger, post:17, topic:182269"]
But it numbs pain. :) Being single is painful, but that is another discussion. :D It's called exaggeration. ;) I don't get wasted, just to the point where the pain stops.

[/quote]

Self-medication is actually one of the signs of alcoholism. You want to be careful about using alcohol as a pain reliever, or any other kind of medicine.

I'm glad we had a "slightly moist" wedding - the only alcohol we served was the champagne for the toast. I wouldn't have wanted any sloppy drunks drooling all over the place, or crying in the bathroom.

We did have kids at our wedding - which was one of the reasons for no booze - we didn't want the kids getting into it, and we didn't want anyone setting a bad example in front of them.


#19

[quote="CountrySinger, post:9, topic:182269"]
:rotfl: I wish I had a child, and I could use that as an excuse (I wonder if I could consider my cats as children?)

[/quote]

You could get all huffy and tell them that, since apparently your cats aren't welcome, you won't be coming, either. :tsktsk:
:p


#20

[quote="jmcrae, post:19, topic:182269"]
You could get all huffy and tell them that, since apparently your cats aren't welcome, you won't be coming, either. :tsktsk:

[/quote]

I could dress them, and throw a fit before the ceremony. My cats would love the food there.

I can get pet insurance cheaply through my job. I thought "AWESOME!" They are becoming more like my children everyday. :D


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