Kind of proud but also corrected


#1

My husband and dd (5) went to the playground yesterday. When my dd was playing, a boy (about her age) said she wasn't allowed to play by them then spit (raspberry) in her face. A few minutes later, the same boy said "no girls allowed" and then spit in her face (a spit that men do to the ground). My dd slapped him on the mouth and then told my husband. They left the park (my husband could not find the boy's parent(s)). We told her that she should have told daddy instead of hitting the boy so that daddy could talk to the boy and tell him he was wrong, but when she wasn't paying attention, we were somewhat proud that she stuck up for herself (even if it wasn't the best action to take). Does that make me a bad mother?


#2

[quote="gmarie21, post:1, topic:203589"]
My husband and dd (5) went to the playground yesterday. When my dd was playing, a boy (about her age) said she wasn't allowed to play by them then spit (raspberry) in her face. A few minutes later, the same boy said "no girls allowed" and then spit in her face (a spit that men do to the ground). My dd slapped him on the mouth and then told my husband. They left the park (my husband could not find the boy's parent(s)). We told her that she should have told daddy instead of hitting the boy so that daddy could talk to the boy and tell him he was wrong, but when she wasn't paying attention, we were somewhat proud that she stuck up for herself (even if it wasn't the best action to take). Does that make me a bad mother?

[/quote]

Three cheers for your daughter!!


#3

You know there was a time when a LADY would do exactly as your daughter did when being spat at. Too bad we don't live in a more refined society where we wouldn't even question such a response. Good for her.


#4

Kinda. You're human.

However.

You're lucky the kid's parent wasn't there. The boy was being a 5 year old boy and told your daughter once to go away. 5 year olds self-select by gender for psycological reasons even the most avid "boys and girls are the same" child development specialists can't reason.

She needs to learn that she has to respect other people's boundaries, regardless of how badly someone sets them. Would it be funny if she was out with her older cousins and aunts and they said "little girls can't come here" and she slapped them?

If your daughter did the same thing to a boy...was nasty and spat on him...while playing with a group of girls and the boy slapped her, I'm sure you'd be on here riled up and would of hunted down that kid's parents with a vengence.

Also I'm of the opinion that this playground behavior...a boy not letting a girl play...should NEVER be interfered upon by a parent unless the boys or girls are verbally bulliying (teasing) or physically harming the other child. No girls allowed/no boys allowed is a fundamental part of childhood play. It's wonderful when all children can play together but it is not reality...and between the ages of 5-12 until the past 50 years it would be considered scandlous to have non-related opposite gender children playing.


#5

[quote="purplesunshine, post:4, topic:203589"]
Kinda. You're human.

However.

You're lucky the kid's parent wasn't there. The boy was being a 5 year old boy and told your daughter once to go away. 5 year olds self-select by gender for psycological reasons even the most avid "boys and girls are the same" child development specialists can't reason.

She needs to learn that she has to respect other people's boundaries, regardless of how badly someone sets them. Would it be funny if she was out with her older cousins and aunts and they said "little girls can't come here" and she slapped them?

If your daughter did the same thing to a boy...was nasty and spat on him...while playing with a group of girls and the boy slapped her, I'm sure you'd be on here riled up and would of hunted down that kid's parents with a vengence.

Also I'm of the opinion that this playground behavior...a boy not letting a girl play...should NEVER be interfered upon by a parent unless the boys or girls are verbally bulliying (teasing) or physically harming the other child. No girls allowed/no boys allowed is a fundamental part of childhood play. It's wonderful when all children can play together but it is not reality...and between the ages of 5-12 until the past 50 years it would be considered scandlous to have non-related opposite gender children playing.

[/quote]

She wasn't following them around. It's not a big playground (there are two slides total, one bridge to connect them and a fireman pole and stairs underneath) and there was a ball game being played in the field, so there were more kids than just them. As far if someone did the same to my dd if she was being a brat, I wouldn't go up to the parents, I would tell her that that's what she gets for being rude and a brat. Then again, I have no problem recognizing my own child's shortcomings and that she doesn't need to be coddled when things don't go her way or when someone reacts to her poor actions and/or words. And it wasn't the "no girls allowed comment" (I get that), it was the spitting that she reacted to.

Oh, and this is the same girl who was pushed into a sunglass rack at a CVS when she was 2 by an adult who not only wouldn't apologize but called her an "it". She still thinks about that and prays for the lady who did that to her, and when we went on vacation last month to the same city and went into the same CVS she remembered that it was the same CVS and wouldn't leave our side.


#6

[quote="purplesunshine, post:4, topic:203589"]
Kinda. You're human.

However.

You're lucky the kid's parent wasn't there. The boy was being a 5 year old boy and told your daughter once to go away. 5 year olds self-select by gender for psycological reasons even the most avid "boys and girls are the same" child development specialists can't reason.

She needs to learn that she has to respect other people's boundaries, regardless of how badly someone sets them. Would it be funny if she was out with her older cousins and aunts and they said "little girls can't come here" and she slapped them?

If your daughter did the same thing to a boy...was nasty and spat on him...while playing with a group of girls and the boy slapped her, I'm sure you'd be on here riled up and would of hunted down that kid's parents with a vengence.

Also I'm of the opinion that this playground behavior...a boy not letting a girl play...should NEVER be interfered upon by a parent unless the boys or girls are verbally bulliying (teasing) or physically harming the other child. No girls allowed/no boys allowed is a fundamental part of childhood play. It's wonderful when all children can play together but it is not reality...and between the ages of 5-12 until the past 50 years it would be considered scandlous to have non-related opposite gender children playing.

[/quote]

Wow. If I caught my boys in this type of behavior, especially the spitting. . . . .


#7

[quote="purplesunshine, post:4, topic:203589"]
Kinda. You're human.

However.

You're lucky the kid's parent wasn't there. The boy was being a 5 year old boy and told your daughter once to go away. 5 year olds self-select by gender for psycological reasons even the most avid "boys and girls are the same" child development specialists can't reason.

She needs to learn that she has to respect other people's boundaries, regardless of how badly someone sets them. Would it be funny if she was out with her older cousins and aunts and they said "little girls can't come here" and she slapped them?

If your daughter did the same thing to a boy...was nasty and spat on him...while playing with a group of girls and the boy slapped her, I'm sure you'd be on here riled up and would of hunted down that kid's parents with a vengence.

Also I'm of the opinion that this playground behavior...a boy not letting a girl play...should NEVER be interfered upon by a parent unless the boys or girls are verbally bulliying (teasing) or physically harming the other child. No girls allowed/no boys allowed is a fundamental part of childhood play. It's wonderful when all children can play together but it is not reality...and between the ages of 5-12 until the past 50 years it would be considered scandlous to have non-related opposite gender children playing.

[/quote]

This is ridiculous. The kid SPIT in her face. As the OP stated, like a man would do on the ground. That could include getting mucus and all sorts of disgusting things, in her mouth or eyes or other sensitive spots on the face. I hope it's this kid that is lucky that the parents weren't there, as in they would have responded appropriately.

gmarie, I think you're a great mom. You did a good job telling her that hitting isn't an appropriate response, but at least she went and got Dad and told him right away. I would have no problem with my child responding to a kid in this way. Like you said, it wasn't the "no girls allowed" that got the kid slapped, it was the spit in the face.


#8

[quote="Jea9, post:7, topic:203589"]
This is ridiculous. The kid SPIT in her face. As the OP stated, like a man would do on the ground. That could include getting mucus and all sorts of disgusting things, in her mouth or eyes or other sensitive spots on the face. I hope it's this kid that is lucky that the parents weren't there, as in they would have responded appropriately.

gmarie, I think you're a great mom. You did a good job telling her that hitting isn't an appropriate response, but at least she went and got Dad and told him right away. I would have no problem with my child responding to a kid in this way. Like you said, it wasn't the "no girls allowed" that got the kid slapped, it was the spit in the face.

[/quote]

The kid blew a rasberry and then spit on the ground.

I still think the girl is in the wrong.


#9

[quote="purplesunshine, post:8, topic:203589"]
The kid blew a rasberry and then spit on the ground.

[/quote]

No. :( The little boy spit in the little girl's face, after giving her a raspberry to the face:

[quote="gmarie21, post:1, topic:203589"]
A few minutes later, the same boy said "no girls allowed" and then spit in her face (a spit that men do to the ground).

[/quote]

So, the first time she got sprayed with spitty mist, and the second time, she got a glob of spit in her face. I'm sorry, I feel bad for the little girl that she was essentially assaulted. Unwanted physical contact was made, and she let him know (in his own terms) that it wasn't appropriate. I wish I had known it was appropriate to strongly physically resist (and slap/punch/kick my then-boyfriend) as I was being sexually assaulted at 16 years old. Instead, as I tried to physically yet peacefully resist by simply trying to remove myself from the situation, he tightened his grip to pin me, making stronger resistance impossible. Using words didn't do me a darn bit of good.


#10

[quote="Truly_Beloved, post:9, topic:203589"]
No. :( The little boy spit in the little girl's face, after giving her a raspberry to the face:

[/quote]

[quote="purplesunshine, post:8, topic:203589"]
The kid blew a rasberry and then spit on the ground.

I still think the girl is in the wrong.

[/quote]

As Truly pointed out, you missed something in the OP. Do you know how disgusting the human mouth is? What kind of bacteria is in there? I'm not a germaphobe by ANY stretch of the imagination, but this is seriously a breeding ground for disease. As in, any kind of flu or virus the kid could be carrying, but also gingavitis and other mouth problems. It's a seriously bad thing. And the eyes, nose, and mouth are incredibly susceptible to any thing like that.

And that's not even talking about the level of rudeness that is involved here, I'm just talking hygiene.


#11

[quote="purplesunshine, post:4, topic:203589"]
Kinda. You're human.

However.

You're lucky the kid's parent wasn't there. The boy was being a 5 year old boy and told your daughter once to go away. 5 year olds self-select by gender for psycological reasons even the most avid "boys and girls are the same" child development specialists can't reason.

She needs to learn that she has to respect other people's boundaries, regardless of how badly someone sets them. Would it be funny if she was out with her older cousins and aunts and they said "little girls can't come here" and she slapped them?

If your daughter did the same thing to a boy...was nasty and spat on him...while playing with a group of girls and the boy slapped her, I'm sure you'd be on here riled up and would of hunted down that kid's parents with a vengence.

Also I'm of the opinion that this playground behavior...a boy not letting a girl play...should NEVER be interfered upon by a parent unless the boys or girls are verbally bulliying (teasing) or physically harming the other child. No girls allowed/no boys allowed is a fundamental part of childhood play. It's wonderful when all children can play together but it is not reality...and between the ages of 5-12 until the past 50 years it would be considered scandlous to have non-related opposite gender children playing.

[/quote]

Purplesunshine, I hate to pile on, but this was a small public playground, and the little girl had as much a right to be there as the little boy. If the altercation took place on the private property of the boy's parents, and the little boy and his male friends wanted to have a meeting of the "He-Man Girl Haters Club", That's an entirely different issue. If no adults saw what was going on, the girl was merely standing up for her rights as any small child would do. Good for her.


#12

If you want to go the passive rout, you could tell your daughter that people spitted a Jesus too and He didn't return the provocation.
BUT...

I still believe that in this day and age we are teaching our girls that they are to be treated as trash. your daughter is a daughter of the King.... She should not be disrespected.

@ the poster who said you are lucky the parents weren't around...... it is sad that it is the victims who are lucky that the parents weren't around not the boy who is lucky his parents didn't see. I'm lucky enough to live in a place that If I saw that I would parent that boy myself.


#13

Quite honestly, if my sons EVER spit at a girl, regardless of age, I would hope they’d get slapped.

That is a vile and humiliating gesture to give someone, and it disgusts me even when done by a little boy.


#14

In some states if you spit on someone especially a cop it is considered assault.


#15

No matter what, he shouldn't have spit on her (in what UNIVERSE is that acceptable?!). I think you did quite the right thing...and have a sneaking sympathy with her behavior, I have to admit. :D
Whether or not she should have slapped him, I think that at a minimum you can be assured that your daughter won't be one to put up with ungentlemanly advances when she becomes a woman. :D Good on her, say I!


#16

[quote="gmarie21, post:1, topic:203589"]
My husband and dd (5) went to the playground yesterday. When my dd was playing, a boy (about her age) said she wasn't allowed to play by them then spit (raspberry) in her face. A few minutes later, the same boy said "no girls allowed" and then spit in her face (a spit that men do to the ground). My dd slapped him on the mouth and then told my husband. They left the park (my husband could not find the boy's parent(s)). We told her that she should have told daddy instead of hitting the boy so that daddy could talk to the boy and tell him he was wrong, but when she wasn't paying attention, we were somewhat proud that she stuck up for herself (even if it wasn't the best action to take). Does that make me a bad mother?

[/quote]

You can't be a bad mother, because you have a great daughter!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

As a parent, you have to find a balance, and you're trying to do that. Yes, the kid deserved to be slapped. He invaded your daughter's space and spat on her. That's uncalled for and she has the right to protect and defend herself. But you also want to teach her to not strike out whenever someone insults her ( or assaults her) and to get an adult. And you did that. You also don't want to suppress her so that she doesn't defend herself against others in worse situations. I think you did good, you're a great mom!!! :)


#17

He's lucky all he got was hit in my opinion. He deserved it, and then some.

I do not spank my children as a general rule but if that was MY son........ You just don't do that. Ever.

Frankly gmarie, I think your daughter did him a favor. See for all of us parents yacking about good and bad behavior, they are going to act out when we're not around or when we can't intervene, and then they are going to get 'schooled' by their peers, and that is probably a far more effective lesson in certain instances, and this is one of them.

As someone who was a victim of gang (as in a group of, not a street gang) violence by young men who were never stood up to even by their own parents, I think you did this boy a favor, not to mention, your DD did the morally correct thing. We are morally obligated to defend ourselves when under attack. She wasn't out of line at all IMHO.:thumbsup:


closed #18

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