Kissing and dating- is it sinful


#1

I feel there are so many different opinions, but I would like to know if it’s a sin to kiss someone (who is single of course) on the lips, even if it’s a peck on the lips. Is it still a sin?


#2

I suggest just a peck on the cheek, the way one kisses a grandparent. A peck on the lips could arouse your date and be an occasion of sin for him/her. God bless you.


#3

No. Sex outside of marriage is a sin, not dating and not kissing.


#4

When I was 14 y.o., I asked my mother if it was a sin to kiss, and she seemed shocked, asked why I thought that. I was actually sure it was, was looking for confirmation, and I was surprised it wasn’t.

She added that people probably wouldn’t get married if it weren’t for kissing! lol :wink:


#5

It depends what the relationship is. Is the unmarried couple quite serious? If they are and if they are within reach of marriageable age, I think even more enthusiastic kissing is fine. (Assuming that it doesn’t cause too much temptation.)

If the relationship is casual and not going anywhere, I think any romantic kissing at all is inappropriate. I say romantic because in many cultures, there’s a practice of casual social cheek kissing that’s just a way to say “hello”. Some cultures also have a tradition of social hand kissing.


#6

Peck on the lips for most people should be ok. Not sure about anything more though, that probably is off limits or at the very least varies from person to person. Prolonged kissing is a sin.


#7

Hello, here is something from Fr. Vincent Serpa.

"Hi,

Passionate kissing is an exclusive expression of affection. It is not the ordinary way people relate to just anybody. While you may like each other, your relationship is not exclusive yet. You are both free to go your separate ways. Passionate kissing is appropriate when it is in sync with the exclusive relationship that we call marriage.

I expect that this info will not resonate with you, especially now that your are in the habit of enjoying and justifying it. But the fact that you asked about, tells me that your conscience is not entirely comfortable with it. And rightly so. Listen to it.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P."

Here is a link to go with it.

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=901822


#8

It’s not sinful to kiss, it’s sinful to have sex outside of marriage.


#9

Father Vincent Serpa is correct!


#10

I have personally been told by a priest that is is sinful.


#11

Did he mention what type of kissing? my question is not necessarily about passionate kissing bc I do agree that that’s sinful, but I’m confused about the pecking on the lips.

By the way, thank you everyone for your responses!


#12

I would just ask your confessor or Fr. Serpa in a private message.

God Bless you


#13

That’s a good idea. Thank you so much, and God Bless you also!


#14

Rule of thumb. Don’t do anything you would not do in front of your parents.
I would say a peck on the lips is fine.


#15

“Enthusiastic” kissing, passionate kissing, or “making out”, no matter how long the unmarried couple has been together, is a mortal sin. Pope Alexander VII condemned that type of kissing. From a source on Taylor Marshall’s website

According to a decree of Pope Alexander VII in 1666, a kiss is not “merely a venial sin when performed for the sake of the carnal and sensible delight which arises from the kiss, even if the danger of further consent and pollution is excluded.”{1}


#16

I ran this by my husband and he points out that kissing “for the sake of carnal and sensible delight” is a very important qualification here. That’s where the problem lies–not in kissing per se.

My husband points out that likewise, the marital act is a venial sin when done solely for pleasure.

I would add that I think that Fr. Serpa is correct that kissing belongs in an **exclusive **relationship, but I would add that it does not necessarily need to be already a vowed, lifelong relationship, which is what he is suggesting. (It is obviously the case that it would be disgusting to kiss somebody who was not exclusively dating one and that one knew had an identical physical relationship with other people.)


#17

I’d add that “carnal and sensible delight” is not by any means the only purpose of an enthusiastic kiss between a serious unmarried couple. I’d argue that what it communicates in that situation is, “I really like you!” or “I **love **you!”

Likewise, what intercourse communicates is, “I love you until death do us part.”

The problem arises when we communicate things that we do not really mean or intend to follow through on. To be physical in a way that does not reflect the rest of the relationship is essentially a form of lying.


#18

What would “solely for pleasure” mean in that context?

First, who is Pope Alexander VII talking about here: unmarried couples, married couples, or both unmarried and married couples?

Second, maybe I’m just missing it, but I don’t see a clear connection between what you’re talking about in paragraph 1 and what Pope Alexander VII is talking about unless “enthusiastic kissing, passionate kissing or making out” is a 1 for 1 equivalent with a kiss “…performed for the sake of the carnal and sensible delight which arises from the kiss.”


#19

I don’t have the cites myself, but presumably having marital relations ONLY for the sake of one’s own pleasure is a venial sin.

Fortunately, that’s probably not common–the spouses presumably have a number of other motivations as well–a desire to show love, a desire to do something nice for the spouse, a sense of duty, a desire for children, etc.

By the same token, premarital kissing solely for the sake of pleasure is sinful. But, fortunately, a serious couple would have lots of other reasons to kiss: a desire to express affection, a desire to express an appropriate degree of premarital unity, etc. You can tell the difference by the fact that a couple in love would not kiss other people in the same way, even if they were assured that the kisses would be equally or more pleasurable–that demonstrates that pleasure is not the only issue in play, or the most important issue in play.

Premarital kissing solely for pleasure would be sinful and marital sex solely for pleasure is likewise venially sinful.


#20

See, I think what’s interesting is that, if truth be told, I don’t believe I’ve ever had sex for any other reason than for pleasure. And yet, I wouldn’t say what I’ve done is sinful.

Taking your other reasons:

Sense of duty: nope, never had sex because of a sense of duty. I have a much higher libido than my wife, so whenever she’s down, so am I. Always welcomed every opportunity. I think there have been precisely 2 times where I wasn’t so into it at first but in both of those cases, it only took about 1 minute of “convincing.”

Procreation: nope, never had sex for procreation. We don’t do anything to frustrate conception, but neither have we ever made it a purpose to procreate. We recognize that a child might come, or it might not, and we’re fine either way. I think in the long run we would like to have a child but we’ve never once set out with that intention in mind.

Show love/do something nice: the only one that had me thinking twice. But nope, I wouldn’t say so. Since we basically have sex on my wife’s schedule only, I figure that whenever I’m doing it, I’m likely to be doing “something nice” because chances are she wants it. But never set forth with that intention. As far as showing love in concerned, or as I would say, expressing affection? I mean, of course I’m expressing affection, I take it that it goes hand in hand with sex when a couple is married and in love. I don’t think I’ve ever not expressed affection during sex, I’m not particularly sure how that would be possible but certainly I try to make it clear to my wife that I love her during the act.

However, to make a long story less long, I don’t think I’ve ever set out to have sex with that purpose, with the purpose to express affection for my wife. I think 100% of the time I’ve set out to have sex it’s because HA CHA CHA!! :extrahappy::dancing:

Ultimately, I think what we mean by “for pleasure only” in both the cases of premarital kissing and marital sex is probably more like a prohibition against using another person for your own benefit and without regard to them as a person, a fellow child of God. That’s something that can be applied across the board to all situations in our lives and doesn’t have to be confined to sex/kissing. So in the case of sex, it would be like if I used my wife as a masturbatory tool, in a way where she felt unloved or demeaned. I mean, if it ended and she looked disconcerted and troubled, I would be upset and inquire as to why and resolve for that not to happen again, you know what I mean?


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