Kissing! What's the deal with it?


#1

Recently I was getting to know a person on a Catholic singles site. The person brought up that they don't kiss on the lips to anyone at any stage of dating until perhaps engagement or marriage. However this person after only 2-3 conversations had no problem talking about sex and how I thought sex would be like. I was like, well how am I supposed to know what it is since I am a faithful Catholic.

What I want to ask people here is this: While dating/courting a person, did you kiss (on the lips) or did you wait till engaged/married? Its my understanding that there is no sin in kissing a person especially if you are romantically attracted to them.

I know a few people who wait till engagement or marriage for kisisng and the thought that comes to me is this: love doesn't start in a relationship on the marriage day or even the engagement day. It can start even at first sight.


#2

[quote="sidious, post:1, topic:200054"]
Recently I was getting to know a person on a Catholic singles site. The person brought up that they don't kiss on the lips to anyone at any stage of dating until perhaps engagement or marriage. However this person after only 2-3 conversations had no problem talking about sex and how I thought sex would be like. I was like, well how am I supposed to know what it is since I am a faithful Catholic.

What I want to ask people here is this: While dating/courting a person, did you kiss (on the lips) or did you wait till engaged/married? Its my understanding that there is no sin in kissing a person especially if you are romantically attracted to them.

I know a few people who wait till engagement or marriage for kisisng and the thought that comes to me is this: love doesn't start in a relationship on the marriage day or even the engagement day. It can start even at first sight.

[/quote]

Wait until engagement? What year is this? No way. I started dating my husband in 78 and we kissed on the first date......and have been kissing ever since. Sex is another matter...and private.


#3

OK, I am going to be graphic here. I think this person who does not want to kiss but wants to talk about sex has severe intimacy issues and/or is a survivor of sexual abuse.

It is a well known fact that prostitutes will not kiss on the lips because that is how they fall in love and in their mind 'they are doing a job' and can not afford to fall in love.

So in a nutshell, I would no longer talk to this person because he/she is putting VERY wrong ideas in your head

CM


#4

The whole 'first kiss on the altar' idea is ridiculous.

I think it truly comes from a fear of intimacy in general. I get the idea of purity, but to avoid kissing entirely is a bit much.


#5

I second that as well.

What is next, keeping dating couples in separate giant hamster balls to keep them from ever touching? Did I accidently leak the Vatican's plans? Lol.


#6

Um...

While I don't understand discussing sex in detail... I myself am a 'lip dodger' - as my friends affectionately call me.

When I first started dating I had no problem kissing but what I discovered is that if you let a guy kiss he's going to expect more... and more was not something I was willing to give. This ultimately led to the break up of three relationships for me (for which I'm grateful. I now realize these guys were NOT compatible at all, nor were they respectful in the least).

Perhaps it is an 'intimacy' issue but at this point I DO NOT kiss a guy until I KNOW he is being honest and true when he says he's willing to wait for the rest.

I wouldn't say give up on her entirely but maybe ASK HER why she's comfortable discussing sex but isnt comfortable with kissing. The answer you get might surprise you...


#7

Scott and Kimberley Hahn recommend “first kiss on the altar”.


#8

What is so bad about saving your first kiss for the altar of marriage? We call ourselves faithful and devout Catholics, and yet when someone has higher standards than we do, we make fun and look down upon their decision to save their first kiss. Maybe they have a deeper appreciation for the gift of kissing than you do, so don't look down upon their decision to save their first kiss. It is their own standard of sexual purity, and we should support them, not make fun of them and ask "What year is this?" This is ridiculous - saving your first kiss for marriage is something beautiful. For those of you who carelessly kiss on mere dates - what if that person doesn't end up marrying you - then you would have wasted all of those kisses on a stranger!


#9

I tend to agree about asking why. A relationship of mine broke up in part because we didn’t talk about these kind of things. It was awkward sidestepping these conversations and guess what the other wanted. Sharing your views upfront in these first few conversations can makes things so much more comfortable. If this does lead to marriage, you’ll have to talk about these someday!


#10

I don't think there is anything wrong with putting off kissing until the wedding day.
Neither is there is anything wrong with showing signs of
affection and love (brief kisses on the lips - short and sweet) to someone whom you intend to marry. What is wrong with kissing is when the two people involved let it get out of control and leads them into unchaste behaviour.


#11

In my opinion, anybody who won’t even kiss while dating has some serious intimacy issues. To me that would be a huge red flag to run away.


#12

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

That said, my wife and I did plenty of kissing before we got married, but I find utterly commendable those who abstain. There’s certainly not right to pre-marital kissing.

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight


#13

[quote="sidious, post:1, topic:200054"]

I know a few people who wait till engagement or marriage for kisisng and the thought that comes to me is this: love doesn't start in a relationship on the marriage day or even the engagement day. It can start even at first sight.

[/quote]

Love does not start at first sight. That would be lust.
Love takes time to grow, you have to get to know the person, see them in different situations, with different people, how they relate to those in service positions, how they relate to children, to animals, how they handle disappointment, setbacks, how they express anger . .. all important issues.
Love at first sight is a Hollywood fantasy which does all young people a disservice.


#14

[quote="Viki63, post:13, topic:200054"]
Love does not start at first sight. That would be lust.
Love takes time to grow, you have to get to know the person, see them in different situations, with different people, how they relate to those in service positions, how they relate to children, to animals, how they handle disappointment, setbacks, how they express anger . .. all important issues.
Love at first sight is a Hollywood fantasy which does all young people a disservice.

[/quote]

Whoops! I am the exception to that rule. I met my husband at the tender age of 14, in Sunday School, of all places. He walked in with his younger sister and the moment I saw him, something shifted in my heart and mind. The thought occurred to me that this young man would someday soon be my husband. It freaked me out, to say the least, but my inward knowledge quickly proved itself to be true. We became 'on-again-off-again' high school sweethearts and married right after we turned 19. Almost 13 years later and our love for each other keeps growing, and by the grace of God, we will be telling our Hollywood romance story to our great-grandbabies someday!


#15

It is just your opinion but it sounds like a terribly secular opinion to me. :slight_smile:


#16

Not true at all. Not all guys are after sex. It is the woman who decides…yes or no if things are going too far. Just some advice.


#17

[quote="Julianna, post:16, topic:200054"]
Not true at all. Not all guys are after sex. It is the woman who decides....yes or no if things are going too far. Just some advice.

[/quote]

Yeah, I've been meeting the wrong guys. :) Because it IS true in my experience (and my refusal to give in is what ultimately broke up the relationships). Mind you I've been dating 'spiritual' guys not Christian guys so that's probably my problem right there.


#18

[quote="nickybr38, post:17, topic:200054"]
Yeah, I've been meeting the wrong guys. :) Because it IS true in my experience (and my refusal to give in is what ultimately broke up the relationships). Mind you I've been dating 'spiritual' guys not Christian guys so that's probably my problem right there.

[/quote]

Men are men....Christian or not. A kiss, is not the road to hell, otherwise we all see each other later on. Perhaps you are meeting the wrong guys. This is something you need to discuss before things go further. As an old lady from the "free love" generation....I let the guys know right up front what the boundaries were. If they didn't respect that...."good-bye".

btw, I am talking to my 26 yr old son (as I write this) and asking his opinion on this.


#19

:slight_smile: Yes, and in my experience despite being VERY upfront about what will be allowed and what won’t the fellows I’ve been dating pushed and pushed and pushed for more. With their lips they said; I understand and respect that, with their actions they proved differently.

But you’re right, not ALL men are like this, just the ones I’ve been meeting for whatever reason.

I never said a kiss is the road to hell but it IS the road to temptation (personally or for those you are kissing) and if you aren’t strong enough to resist that temptation (or if you feel the person you’re dating cannot resist temptation) perhaps you shouldn’t pursue it at all.


#20

I would agree with that. There is only lust a first sight. If you get to know someone you can become infatuated or feel “in love”, but a crush is still different from actually, truly loving someone, and requires you to know them a lot better.


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