[quote="Ophelia23, post:8, topic:279536"]
To all have responded, please be aware that I have no concerns about what actually happened in the initiation. I fully support the KofC and believe that these "secrets" are harmless. It's an irrational upset that I am feeling, and I know that. I am just hoping for some tips on how to let go of that irrational upset. It's more about not being allowed to know than it is about not knowing.
Do you mean something like the irrational hurt of not being invited to a birthday party that you wouldn't have wanted to go to, anyway?
At any rate: the brain researchers say that it is essentially impossible to "not think" a thought. Tell someone "don't think of elephants", and they can't do it. You have at least two choices for what to do instead of either compulsively thinking about this or fruitlessly telling yourself to "not think" about it, then.
One is to watch the thought go by from the outside, as if you were watching a leaf float down a river, not violent about getting rid of it, but willing to let it go. Just let it float by and away. I find this one works better for distractions than for compulsive thoughts, though.
Another way is to give yourself a positive command, something else for your brain to do. For instance, "Every time you are tempted to think of an elephant, think of every predator on the American continent that you can think of. Visualize those predators, from the biggest to the smallest, down to every hair and feather, how they move, why they're shaped the way they are, everything."
Give your irrational mind a bone to chew on, then. Think up a thought you'd like to think in place of the thought you don't want to be thinking. Whatever works. You could think of what kind of ceremony you'd have, if you could have a secret ceremony no one else could know about. You could substitute silly thoughts about it. You could change the subject with your brain entirely. Every time you think of it, you could try to name a saint with a name starting in every letter of the alphabet. Or you could try to see if you could recite a Eucharistic prayer from memory, or memorize a Psalm, or a poem in foreign language....whatever!!
At any rate, do not worry about it too much. It is evidence that you have something God needs to work on. What of that? Of course you do. You'll never get along without God working on you. This is just something obvious to bring that home, a reminder to get back to the work at hand! It may even be that just realizing that one fact may be all it takes to let this go. :thumbsup: