I've read advice given here to unmarried couples who are being tempted into getting too physical with each other that they should get married. For example some have advised, "Get married if you are ready for this level of physical intimacy", and, "Saint Paul tells us that it is better to get married than to enter this kind of sinful behavior".
But what if I am already married. What if one of the reasons we got married was because the temptation to get physical with each other was getting too strong. But now my wife has not been interested in making love with me for such a very long time that I just simply can't handle forever living celibate because of the way my wife feels. If I sin (give into masturbation - I honestly do think of her when I do this) I have confessed the sin to my wife and she not only sees it as unfaithfulness but gets mad at me doing that instead of making love to her (even though she will not consent to making love with me) and blames me for saying that it is her fault. So I continue doing the best I can both to remain celibate (because my wife has no desire to be physical with me) and repent if and when I fall (even though my wife can't forgive me when this happens).
Is getting a divorce the answer to my problem? I don't want to make this into a blame game. I love my wife and I don't really want any of this to be her fault. I would prefer that I take 100% of the blame and my wife be totally blameless. I'm the one who is weak not my wife. She can handle celibacy but I cannot.
Lately, I saw someone else with the intention of cheating on my wife (something I have never considered doing before). I did it because I hated myself because I believe that things aren't working out with my wife and I because of me - that it is all my fault, and I hate myself because of it. So I did it to hurt ME. But when it came right down to it I was not able to go all the way with it. I was with this other woman trying to do with her physical things that I should only do with my wife, but as I tried I could only think of my wife and how I don't love this woman, I only love my wife. And I was not able, because of these thoughts, to go all the way with this woman and so I stopped it and I ended it. I went far enough that it was a grave sin, but I did in fact not go all the way.
My wife and I were about to go to see a marriage counselor again (we have seen some before). But I confessed this last major sin to my wife and now it looks like the marriage counseling is off. She thinks that this is further proof that I really don't love her. I can't tell her anything otherwise, because I am to her just a lair.
So what do I do? If I was still single the advice of St Paul would be that if you can't contain yourself you should get married. But I'm not single. And my wife emotionally needs me to be totally faithful to her and I have tried the best that I could, but I can't handle it because it means celibacy for years. I have learned that my needs are really emotional. The physical without the emotional does nothing for me. I'm sure my wife has the same type of emotional needs too. But for whatever reason I am failing at this and sin keeps knocking on the door.
So what do I do? Should I divorce (get an annulment), then after a few years find someone else and get married again? I absolutely know for a fact that I could never love another woman as deeply as I loved my wife. In my heart she will always be the ONLY one for me. But, to avoid sin, I could learn to love another woman some day and if I'm lucky we might not have such problems caring for each other. If this all happens then I might be able to get closer to God and serve Him better. Is this the only answer? Is this even an answer?