I am new to all of this and while I may have found some answers, I guess I still need “validation” for the lack of a better word. So, here’s the question: is it normal, physiologically and emotionally, to have almost no desire for sex with my wife after years of being intimate maybe once per month because we are using NFP? Yes, it seems I am strictly blaming NFP, which works and is wonderful it that repsect. But to me it is a major factor in a lack of intimacy. I need to know if it is just me or if others are or have been frustrated as well.
It seems as I read forums that no one admits that the physical aspects of sex - God-given pleasure and being so close to someone you love - is absolutely tied to the emotional side as well: it is terribly difficult to feel emotionally close to someone if there is little physical, intimate contact. Don’t know about the rest of the guys out there, but I emotionally need to feel wanted by my wife; it isn’t all just physical. That said, with life as it is, my wife works nights and I work days, so we see each other quite literally two days a week, if kids’ events do not interfere; we have not and do not agree on raising teenagers, though we muddle through; finances are usually an issue, but we pay the bills; and until quite recently, I have not been fulfilled in a job for fourteen years (God threw a curve ball again). Add on top of that the Church does not allow the most intimate relations between a husband and wife in between fertile times with NFP, and here we are.
Everyone on these types of forums talk as if it no big deal, and I am sure I just have a very long way to go. My wife, God bless her, sticks strictly to what the church says to the point of feeling guilty even if on accident I reach orgasm during foreplay. For me, it seems to have developed that after all this time of so little physical intimacy, there is no real physical pleasure, which leads to no emotional connection, which leads to physical “performance” difficulties as a guy, which all flows over to no real emotional connection with my wife in general. My head screams I should want to be with my wife - yes, sex - but I really just don’t care anymore; I do it because I owe her that as her husband. I feel as if she just does not want me, though it is not the case.
I do clean, cook, take care of the house and laundry, but I’m the one feeling utilitarian, as my wife calls it. Talking about it with her is not going to change anything because it cannot according to the Church, and I’ll just make her feel guilty over something which apparently only I have a problem with.
I’ll end here and look forward to responses, because I know I’ll need to post some more.