Latest pedophile scandals creating rift in my marriage


#1

I still believe in going to mass and having my children get their first communion formation. But my husband does not. I feel I’ve lost my partner in the most essential way. I don’t know what to do. Seems he has somewhat agreeing in allowing me to have our children get their first communion classes. But our approach feels like polar opposites. Thoughts of separation keep plagueing and I feel in verge of tears constantly. I’m praying to God for this challenge he’s put in front of me. But I feel like I’m faking it until I make it. And it’s depressing. This is now what we promised in front if God when we got married. I feel abandoned


#2

Is he a good provider?

Is he good to you and your children?

Does he love you?

Is he responsible?

If so, then you maybe really ought to focus on the positive parts of your relationship…


#3

Is he losing his faith because of the crisis or worried for your children?


#4

Does he interfere with you and the children going to Mass?
Does he interfere with their religious education?


#5

He’s been a great provider. I’m a stay at home mom. But many times feel unappreciated by snide comments and criticisms on how I mother or sustain our home’’s organization. Our marriage has been troubled. But then again who’s hasn’t. So to put this on top of everything else it just feels too much. We rarely gone to church. Just to avoid the argument and stress of getting us there. He doesn’t see the point of taking our rumbunkcious kids. Because he says none of us can enjoy it (our children are 3&6) He is not a cradle catholic. He went thru RCIA before we got engaged and we got married I believed we were in the same page religiously but when the children came everything became “difficult”& such a struggle to convince him to the importance of going to mass. I have not registered our eldest in first communion yet but this where all this heartbreak is about. When I told him I truly understood the disgust of these atrocities but I tried to have him understand we can’t abondon our promises and responsibilities in providing the foundation to our children’s faith. He didn’t see it that way. That our absence Is the effective way in having the church correct themselves.
We semi agreed neither would push confirmation on our children. And begrudgingly seemed to allow our eldest to begin classes. But it fills me with anxiety and sadness knowing my daughter will not get a unified example in her formation.


#6

I am sorry.
I don’t know how to advise you.

Thoses things, one spouse lossing faith, trust in Church, or even reject the Church and the faithfull, is something that happen sometimes.

Do not not the answers. My parents go through that. But I was a teenager, so my faith was still in place. One decade of nightmare for me, and a difficult situation for the parent between the child and the spouse. The other finally followed the one who left, and they lived now completely as non catholic. New balance.


#7

Yes. When he made thoses comments on motherhood and home, it is as if you have a boss who criticised his employee. because your job is the home. But he is your husband. I know. I supposed you view it like that.

I am sad of your now religious divergeance on raising kids and practiced.

Did your parish have classes for children during the mass? What do you think of this idea?

Or read the Gospel before the mass, as a family?

Think of kids serving mass when they will grow up?

I don’t know if he will appreciated that. Probably not. It is just some ideas.

And no, you do not protest by not going to mass. nobody will noticed, and it will not change anything.


#8

Hugs.

It shoulds like things have been rough anyway.

Crisis and scandals will come and go, we don’t leave Jesus because of Judas.

Would he be willing to sit down and talk to someone?


#9

St. Francis de Sales said that when the clergy commit spiritual murder, don’t commit spiritual suicide by walking away. That’s not an effective response.


#10

Mindy, this is a very difficult time for many people, Catholic and non Catholic. And all these reactions are quite normal. It takes a lot of time to process what has happened, and requires a lot of very good support, both within the Diocese and within the community.

Your Diocese should have someone appointed to help Parishioners who are struggling with issues arising from this.
Please contact the Diocese , explain your concerns and ask to speak to their person who is dealing with this type of fall out from the publication of the abuse scandals.

If they respond they do not have someone, ask who does.


#11

I suppose pray for me. That my sense of devastion turn into courage and strength. I feel I’m approaching a long uphill battle for my children’s faith formation and the survival of my marriage.


#12

Mindy,

I will remember you and your family in my prayers.

Keep praying even when you don’t feel like it. Also, ask Our Lady to intercede for the situation.

Praise the Lord and keep asking for the grace to get through this.


#13

I’d think he would want to be more involved, if he thinks it’s possible that your kids have been/will be abused! It almost sounds as if he’s using these scandals as an excuse for not taking the kids to mass.

So, OP, it looks as if you’re going to have to provide most of the encouraging, in your kids learning about the faith. Don’t let your husband or the scandal rob you of the joy of helping your kids become full church members. Just hang in there.

Of course, God bless!


#14

Forgive me! But this falls on the sins of the church.
Back to your dilemma (mine also)
In all the centuries of Catholicism, there have been Holy times & Sinful times. Here’s a question—if a priest is in mortal sin, is the confession he absolves, absolved? Is the communion that he blesses, is it blessed??
Back to a holier thought, though justified in anger. The thread of the church, that Jesus started and was built on the blood of those MARTYRS for 3 centuries, is a miracle and constant. The truth in the Eucharist is overwhelming! We must look up! Vertical, linear vision, TO HEAVEN. If we look sideways or horizontal, we see Imperfections & sinners.
But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not : for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.
In innocence, we must begin, again, as a little child. We trust GOD, not man. (Anymore). We are never to trust our children blindly to any organization. We can not use them as babysitters.
Boy Scouts(?) We should have always had our hands in all of this! It’s not new.
So, we are the Spiritual martyrs who will rebuild the church from the ashes of this battle.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly compensated.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.
God led me to those scripture verses. How poignant!
Let go and let God take care of it.
Forgive your husband and the priests and church. Rejoice in your faith and children. There are nurseries at church, so he can enjoy mass. CHUCKLE
Live a normal spiritual life w Jesus, worshiping in the imperfect church, He started. Get the kids ready. Enroll her in her classes. Don’t look to your husband now.
All will be all right.
Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
St. Teresa of Avila*
I love this prayer!
Stuff happens. Why worry, hang on, something will happen, if you have God, why worry?
Are we not to get upset, ever? Just shrug! Say the prayer and look what’s evolving. Never rush! Answers take awhile
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice


#15

It is sad that the scandal is a pretext for a lot of people. I think that my faith is in God and my brothers and sisters are sinners like I am so their doings should not be a pretext for forgetting my responsibility as catholic. In your case I think is not easy because you and your husband are responsible for your children and their education. If you talk about it I think you will agree. You just need patience.


#16

Very good insight in your message! I do agree that for the sake of the children, when the Dad is not on board with taking them to church, then the Mom needs to take over that responsibility.

Prayer will help in getting through that storm! The Lord hears our prayers!


#17

Another wonderful post! I thank you and the Holy Spirit.

And, yes, when a priest is in mortal sin the Lord allows them to validly confect the Eucharist and to absolve sin in confession. The Lord does this for our sake, and because He promised to be with us always!


#18

The biggest problem here seems to be your husband’s lack of understanding of the Catholic faith. Not attending Mass to show the Church its errors isn’t really what happens. We abandon Christ when we don’t attend Mass.

Is there a Mass of healing being offered anywhere in your community? He might benefit by attending.


#19

Happy to report that I enrolled my daughter in catechism yesterday. And although my husband asked me many questions, he refrained from objecting. I know he will not participate but I’m thanking the Lord that he is allowing her to attend.
I’m still approaching all this cautiously and will continue praying for him and our marriage, as it still heartbreaking that I have lost my partner in the aspect of having a united front in raising our children in the faith. I remember feeling sad about the stories my mother telling me how her father was never involved in her faith education & how that affected her. And made me feel lucky that my parents both we’re involved in my faith upbringing. Now that’s bitter sweet as I cannot provide that my own children. I feel my grandmothers struggle (may she RIP) and will also be asking for her intercession and guidance.


closed #20

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