No disrespect intended by saying “tactics”, but I can’t think of another word. I work with an LDS gal and like/respect her very much. I’ve met her husband on a handful of occasions. Late last week he sent me a friend request via FB, along with a message that telling me how “amazing” he thinks I am. (crazy, because not only am I not amazing, but we haven’t spoken but 12 words, so he wouldn’t know even if I was). His message was a bit lengthy and a bit gushy, so I was a little weirded out. I responded politely, and then I did accept his friend request.
He sent me another note with a little more…uncomfortable. He commented on a picture in my profile where I’m kissing a pet, and he said how much he loves that picture of me kissing that pet.
Lastly, he sent another note saying he really wants to get to know me better.

Now, I can’t help but wonder if it might actually be part of the technique used to get people to talk about the LDS version of the Gospel vs. that he thinks inappropriately about me.
If it’s part of technique, I don’t want to get freaked out over nothing.
Do LDS kind of butter-you-up, hoping to make you more receptive to talking to them about faith matters?

It probably doesn’t belong in this particular sub-forum, but I wanted to make sure LDS and ex-LDS saw it.


To me the situation sounds strange and this man’s intentions a bit suspect. I’m not sure what he has told you but it sounds like you do not know him very well at all. As LDS, I do not see this as a positive approach on either level. After all, if someone was going to talk to you about our beliefs I would expect it to be your work friend, not her husband. She is the one who knows you and is the one you respect.

Thanks for the response. I really didn’t think it would be a technique used to open up discussion, but I wanted to be sure before I jumped the gun.


I have definitely seen this technique used as a mode of evangelization.

I’ve had someone do it to me (of the opposite sex), and a friend had a neighbor LDS couple behave that way towards her.

But his comments sound like more than “I’d like to get to know you…and tell you how great my faith is”

Whether his intention is pure or not, his method is very suspect and I would cut off contact.

I have done this with some people, it is possible to disable chat for an individual without “unfriending” them (though that is certainly an appropriate option), and to set people as “acquaintances” rather than friends, and they can’t see everything on your page. I have chosen to do that with work acquaintances.

Look into the privacy options if you’d rather not remove them entirely from your list.

I agree with this.

The more common approach would be for his wife to do evangelize you since you work with her.

His actions just seem beyond the norm…


It does sound like he’s hitting on you. That said, I read a book published by Mormons for the purpose of teaching their people how to evangelize. What I remember is it specifically told them to befriend the potential convert by taking them home-baked goodies and inviting them to ball games, etc. In other words, become friends first, then introduce religion later.

I can’t answer for what may go on at their “front door” encounters, but having worked with several LDS, I have never, not ever, experienced anything like evangelizing or what felt like artificial attempts to befriend me at work - just the normal co-worker relationship. Of course, this was before “social media” (which I don’t use anyway).

I can only speak from my own experience: I have had several LDS friends, one was my best friend. None of them ever tried to proselytize me. Sometimes we discussed religion, but only on a “what do you guys do” basis.

The only Mormons I met that tried to discuss religion are those on their mission (knocking on doors). Even they were polite and non-intrusive.

I think you ran into someone with an ulterior motive!

Run…in the opposite direction.

Not so much evangelizing but comforting…

I’m afraid that I am a little more straight forward/blunt.

I would ask him straight up where all this is going.

But hey, that’s me.

This does not sound like evangelism, this sounds waaaay inappropriate. I would probably stop interacting with this guy on facebook altogether, and limit/avoid contact with him in real life. Pray for him too, and for his wife; I feel bad for his wife if he is doing things like that.

Also I’d be very careful of whose friend requests you accept. I’m a bit surprised that you accepted his friend request after he sent you gushy messages. If his intentions were not pure, then he probably interpreted that as an OK to go ahead.

Gosh, I am now feeling really good about getting off facebook altogether.

Oh no, no,no… he is being creepy.:frowning:
Not sure this even has anything to do with evangelizing. Does his wife know about these messages? If not, then he is definitely being creepy.

Well, while I thought his request was overly gushy, I also didn’t assume right off that he wasn’t just socially awkward. It was after accepting the request that the next two messages came in and made me :eek:

I have no idea if she knows or not.

Yes, LDS use phony friendship and flattery as a prelude to proselytizing you. This is not that. This guy is hitting on you, plain and simple.

You should show the messages to his wife under the pretense “look at the sweet messages your husband sent me”. She has the right to know what he’s up to.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)

Yeah, this is strange on so many levels.

At first I thought that the couple wanted to evangelize the OP but wanted to evangelize through friendship with the husband because we all know what men and women who are not married to each other do when they have a friendship at work. :rolleyes:

However, I think you may be right in that the husband is hitting on the OP. Yes, some people are socially awkward, but that doesn’t explain what happened after the friend request was accepted. A gushy message about a picture of the OP kissing a pet? That’s over the top.

I agree with the other posters. He is making advances that have nothing to do with religion. I would unfriend him, and gently mention to his wife that it was because of some messages that made you uncomfortable.

That wasn’t evangelizing. Those were innuendos.

He is hitting on you; no LDS involved. Do not respond to him any more.

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