My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have seven (soon to be eight) beautiful children. My husband is an amazing father. When we got married I was a very, very, very small c Catholic and he had not even been baptized. None the less we were married in a Catholic church. Over the years we’ve had some definate issues. While my husband has never had a real life affair he did have a terrible problem with internet pornography and sometimes movies too. He came into the Church about 10 years ago but the problem persisted even after the birth of our fifth child. I had terrible post partum depression and found out that while I was struggling to exist he was viewing pornography on the computer even after he had agreed not to do it anymore. It’s been about 6 years since then and we now have very strict internet filters (he knows the passwords, however). We went to a wonderful Catholic counselor for a long time, have both grown enormously in the Faith, he even attends men’s groups at church and things like that. Still, I don’t trust him. AT ALL. I know alot of it is my low self esteem, the fact that I’m always pregnant and/or nursing and have put on a lot of weight (that I do take off after pregnancy).
Travel hasn’t always been part of his work but it is now. He’s even going to other countries. Besides the enormous amount of extra workload this leaves me with, I go crazy wondering what he’s doing and with who. I know it’s wrong. I’ve prayed about it, talked with my husband at length, and spoken with a priest. I just don’t want to be vulnerable (or stupid) and realize too late that he’s done something that can’t be reversed. I have it stuck in my head somewhere that most men cheat on their wives. I also have it there b/c of the whole porn thing.
Loving advice welcomed I can’t take anyone that’s mean at this point