This is a true story I was told. A young man in the seminary was having a really hard time on a few fronts. He prayed and he prayed for help. Nothing seemed to work. He was in the chapel one day when he got very angry with Jesus. He told Jesus, if you don’t give some help, I will be out of this ***@! place so quick, You wont see me for dust. - he is very angry with Jesus and even cussing or swearing too. Suddenly he realises he is in the chapel in the presence of The Blessed Eucharist. He was appalled with himself and raced off to find the spiritual director in the seminary.
He told Father everything that he had done. He was very upset. Father replied to him “Congratulations my son, you have prayed for the very first time in your life”.
The Lord knows absolutely everything that goes in our minds and heart, we cannot hide from Him, why try to do so in prayer, and I am not saying that you do. The seminarian was eventually ordained. His time in the seminary remained a pretty rough time for him. He became a good and faithful priest. I bet he would have been great in the confessional too.
@Yep, do pray about your struggle and I am sure that you do and pray from heart and mind as it is, not pray as you think you should, or must. Speak to Jesus and all about your struggles.
I have a little prayer I pray when I am in difficulty: “I believe, Lord, help Thou my unbelief”
If pretending to believe when you can’t even though you try or just want to do so, wish you could do so - that’s ok in my book, Jesus does not ask of us success and to succeed, He asks us to try. Only Jesus can grant success, it is a Gift from Him for His Own Good Reasons, the same as He might withhold success - not because He is mean. It is for very good reasons we might know nothing about until Heaven.
Jesus can see the wood, we can see only the trees.
St Therese of Lisieux in the last 18 months of her dying journey, had dreadful temptations that Heaven did not exist and her life of really trying to be holy as she desired had all been in vain. I think that the fear that Heaven did not exist lasted until the moment she died. She is now a saint, theologian and doctor of The Church.
We are all sinners every last one of us, it is only in kind and degree of sin that we differ probably. " If we claim to be without sin , we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us". 1 John Chapter 1. Every one of without exception struggles with temptation and sin on some level.
Jesus has told us that the righteous have no need of Him. That He has come for sinners - Luke Chapter 5
God bless your journey, wherever it may take you. A spiritual director asked me to draw the path of my life. It was a long squiggly of ups and downs, going backwards and then forwards, backwards again etc. etc.
As for all saved, or few. Will there be no one in Hell at all.? For me, I have a sort of mental list of questions I really would like answered in Heaven, hoping I make it. Some things we do not and cannot know for sure here on earth.