I am 38 years old, married for 14 years, 2 children ages 8 and 10. The last few years of the marriage have been very difficult. My husband has been become verbally and financially abusive. He also threatens physical violence daily, and has hit me on a few occasions. He has totally pulled back from the family in the past 4-5 years, and really sees me and the kids as an annoyance. I cannot have a conversation with him at all as he constantly belittles me and curses at me. He used to be a very involved dad but now he has very little interest in our two daughters. He refuses to get any counseling or psychological help. I suspect he has borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder
Our sex life came to a halt about 2 years ago. We used to have a very active sex life, and this was a dramatic change. I recently discovered that he has an apparent sex addiction, started by online porn, and frequents transsexual prostitutes. This would explain why he is spending so much time away from the house. I am still in shock about that and trying to digest that he is actually doing this.
Our children are in our local parochial school, and we attend Mass weekly as a family. This is the only thing we do as a family anymore. It appears to me that most parents in our children’s school are married. I feel like a fish out of water who is hiding this terrible secret. I wonder what they will think of me and my kids when they hear that I filed for divorce. I am not sure why I worry so much about what others think, but the fact is that I do. I don’t want people to think that this is a frivolous divorce. There are several very serious issues.
I am going to file for divorce. I am hoping eventually to get an annulment. I cannot live like this any longer. My question is, how do you get beyond the embarrassment of divorce within the Church? I am a very private person. I take the teachings of the Church seriously, and I feel as though I would need to explain myself to my children’s friend’s parents, the principal of the school, the list goes on. Or, am I underestimating the ability for others to sympathize or even empathize with me? I am hoping I will be able to get an annulment under these circumstances.
Oh, if only I could go back to my 24 year old self and tell me not to marry this man! I am up to my eyes in a mess.
I am hoping for peace for myself and my two girls.