[quote="DaughterOfMary6, post:4, topic:213355"]
While I can't offer any real advice, I do sympathize. I had the same trouble for about 2 years. Before my reversion, marriage and the single life were the only paths I was aware of. I didn't think of them as vocations. I was sure I was going to get married and have a large family. I only knew of the priesthood as a vocation and it was for men only. I thought Sisters were older women who couldn't get married for some reason. Then, when I came back to the Church at the end of 2007, my eyes were opened to the beauty of a religious vocation and I met some wonderful Sisters at a retreat. It was about 2 months later when I decided to start looking at religious communities and see if I felt called to go to visit any of them, but I didn't know where to start. So I decided that maybe I needed to wait a while. That lasted for about 4 months, and in between, I started to plan my life around a religious vocation. I thought of going to college and being a veterinarian before I got married. In that 4 months, I didn't even think of being a nun at all.
Then, somehow, I came across a religious order's Facebook page and the thought popped into my head again. It was at that time that a young woman and I started emailing and I discovered that she was a candidate for a religious order, the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Kirkwood, MO. She and I talked about religious life, especially our fears and desires. My interest grew and I began to look at religious communities again. With the help of this young lady, I found out about Vision Network and the Institute for Religious Life and I searched for a good community to visit. (That young lady is now a first-year novice with the Sisters!)
I visited her community and another of the same order in Milwaukee, WI. I was very close to entering in Milwaukee, but it was not to be. I also visited the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal this January, and that was the extent of my "Come and See" visits as I am kind of poor. I contacted several others with the hope that I might be able to visit them someday, but I have an illness that is a problem with many communities--depression and anxiety. It recently returned in July after I had a lot of stress at work and I had to leave. Before then, I had been praying for a sign that I was called to religious life still because the desire to be a nun faded in March. I didn't want to be a nun anymore. I was kind of anxious about entering a convent and I started to dread going to anymore "Come and See" retreats. I thought it was just temptations and they started in December 2009 when I felt attracted to marriage again. I just brushed it off and kept discerning. But I couldn't get away from the fact that something was wrong. Then when I got the depression again, I knew that God was telling me that I was not called to religious life. I was upset at first because I felt like I had been led to believe I was and then the desire was quickly taken from me. But the more I prayed, the more I felt completely at peace with the idea that I was not going to be a nun. Now I am discerning marriage with the hope of becoming a Third Order Dominican tertiary in the very near future.
I guess the only advice I can give is to remain open to whatever God wants. My journey has taken me places I never dreamed of and I feel I learned something wonderful that I can apply to my life in the future.
If you don't already have a spiritual director, now would be a good time to get one. Also, pray for the saints' intercession. The Blessed Virgin Mary is a great help in times of confusion! :thumbsup:
Thank you for sharing your story :) It's nice to know that i'm not alone on this!
I wanted to go on a retreat, but It was suggested that i shouldn't because i'm not baptised yet. So that lead me to think, maybe I just need have patience. Unfortunately my patience didnt last very long, and I started to carve my own path. But from there on, things just kept getting darker and darker. I wasn't necissarily depresseed, but I certainly wasn't happy.
Because of learning about your journey, I have been brought back to "maybe I just need to have patience." Maybe, I am just not ready for my vocation to be known. Maybe, God still has work to do within me. I have also come to realize that discernment is not supposed to be easy. You have to be weak in order to be strong, is the way I see it. It's also just a matter of being consistent with prayer, trust, and remembering who you are living for.
So I thank you again! You have resurfaced alot of important details that I need to know in my journey of faith. :D And I hope that you will continue to find peace in what ever you do.