I understand why you think and speak this way, I would have had a similar or perhaps even stronger response had our roles been reversed. I am happy for the zeal you possess for our Lord. That you would speak so bluntly what you believe is what I would say is evidence of your zeal for Him. May our Lord continue to bless you so. Not so long ago I would have resented and taken quite personally these type of words directed towards me. Now I am able to see them somewhat indifferently, they are only words, and besides, I do not think I would be wrong in thinking that you had the best of intentions in speaking them.
You are on the path that seems right to you and I am on the path that seems right to me. Truly I do understand your obligation to speak or think like this, and beyond that, I think you are right for doing so. However, it being right for you, does not automatically make it so for me. So these words will not produce the effect that you perhaps are hoping for in me. I do not intend to return to the Church, I cannot be encouraged into submission and repentance, no matter how well intentioned anyone may be.
I do though retain my love of the Catholic Church, the beauty of the liturgy, the lives of the Saints, the well meaning folks, like you, who think and are willing to speak the truth as you see it to be. And beyond that, I will be forever grateful for the Catholic Church, it has played a big part of my getting here. I could never resent her, nor could I resent you.
But how did I get from there to here? Mostly it is still a mystery to me I am working at figuring out. I will say that I didn’t believe the book Conversations with God when I first read it and I only read a chapter or two before just jumping around, wondering if there was to be any thing of value to me in it. But when I came upon these words, " you don’t want to know the Truth, you want to know the truth as you understand it. This is the greatest barrier to your enlightenment. You think you already understand how it is. So you agree with everything you see or hear or read that falls into the paradigm of your understanding, and reject everything which does not. And this you call being open to the teachings. Alas, you can never be open to the teachings so long as you are closed to everything save your own truth ." And while this is not written in full context, these are the words that most moved me.
Know that I do not expect or even hope you will see these words as true. I share them as I know they were true to me and sent me into a deeper soul searching. I questioned everything, even the existence of God. But obviously there is extensive evidence that our Lord exists. I believe that we both love and worship the one true God, and through this, I sincerely care for you and hope that our Lord may greatly bless you.
My final thought to share is this. If our Lord sends me straight to hell upon my death, I will have at least had this short life to serve Him and love Him in joy and without fear.[size=][size=][/size][/size]