Lent and Boyfriend


#1

Hi! For lent I'm planning on giving up watching television. It's become too large a part in my life and I feel like I could be doing much more useful things with my time. I told my boyfriend this weekend that I'd be giving it up. Since we're long distance, we'll see eachother every other weekend, and during the weekend we enjoy watching TV during breakfast, or in the evenings. When I told him I'd be giving it up, he said that it wasn't right to impose it on our weekends together. He said I should give up something else during the times we're together since he isn't giving up TV. This is my dilemma. Should I chose something else for the weekends we're together? Or should he respect my lenten sacrifice and not watch tv while he's with me?


#2

Although it would be great if he also gave up TV, (there are so many other things that are far superior... like just talking while you have breakfast), I also think that our own sacrifices should not be forced upon others. In my family, we discuss what we would all like to give up as a unit... chocolate, desserts, TV, whatever... and we all decide together. Then each of us also decides on a private thing that we can use as a sacrifice... something that does not require the other to also give something up.


#3

What would he say if you decided to give up TV permanently, just because you (hypothetically) think there’s nothing but trash on it anyways?


#4

So, you only see each other once every two weeks, and he is more concerned with watching TV when he is with you? I think I would be kind of insulted if my boyfriend acted like this. (If it were me, I'd tell him that if he absolutely must watch TV, then he can feel free to stay home and do so. And I would find something else to do.)

I think if you are going to give up TV, it could be a really good opportunity to find other things to do with each other. Play board games, go somewhere you've never been, even just talk more.

Is your boyfriend also Catholic? I think a bigger issue here is that he isn't really respecting your desire to sacrifice, or to sacrifice along with you. You could choose something else I suppose, if he really is going to insist upon watching TV around you, or you could spend the time he's watching TV reading or doing something else. But I do think his reaction was sort of sad, and could be an indicator of the kind of husband he will one day be.


#5

What he fails to see is that this is the sacrifice YOU are choosing. But then, so do you. He should not be asking you to change it, and you should not be expecting him to do so just because you are.

And while above I said that it is YOUR choice, I have to say that I think Marie has got this just about perfect! :thumbsup:


#6

He is Catholic as well. He's giving up chocolate and he mentioned that he wouldn't be upset if I ate chocolate around him because he wouldn't want to impose his sacrifice on me. So I guess he's expecting the same in return.

Also, Spirithound, if I were to give up TV completely, I'm not sure what he'd say. But since I find many eduational programs on tv, such as the history or science channel, I cant ever really see me giving up TV completely.

Irishmom, I am confused by your statement "He should not be asking you to change it, and you should not be expecting him to do so just because you are."


#7

Why dont you just meet at a restaraunt for breakfast. He could watch TV from his place before he leaves. It is odd that he would rather have TV than support your lenten pennance. Shouldn't he want what is best for you spiritually?


#8

When I told him I'd be giving it up, he said that it wasn't right to impose it on our weekends together.

Be prepared after marriage for $125 a month DISH Network bills, a man cave, and multiple big screen televisions throughout his domain.


#9

[quote="Barbkw, post:8, topic:231563"]
Be prepared after marriage for $125 a month DISH Network bills, a man cave, and multiple big screen televisions throughout his domain.

[/quote]

Not all men are that way. In my home, for 30 years, we have only ever had one TV (and it is not a big screen). My cable/satellite service is the basic TV channels.


#10

[quote="Barbkw, post:8, topic:231563"]
Be prepared after marriage for $125 a month DISH Network bills, a man cave, and multiple big screen televisions throughout his domain.

[/quote]

LOL aint that the truth. My wife and I are getting a big screen for the first time in may, it is something we have saved for for a year. I get to watch football, she gets to watch TLC shows.


#11

[quote="Catholicpotato, post:7, topic:231563"]
Why dont you just meet at a restaraunt for breakfast. He could watch TV from his place before he leaves. It is odd that he would rather have TV than support your lenten pennance. Shouldn't he want what is best for you spiritually?

[/quote]

The thing is, we spend the WHOLE weekend together. Not just breakfast. That wouldn't be a big deal, but its three days together


#12

[quote="marie0014, post:6, topic:231563"]
He is Catholic as well. He's giving up chocolate and he mentioned that he wouldn't be upset if I ate chocolate around him because he wouldn't want to impose his sacrifice on me. So I guess he's expecting the same in return.

[/quote]

I still think this is different. You can eat chocolate, and he can eat something else, while still enjoying each other's company. He can watch TV, and you can do something else, but that seems to defeat the purpose of getting together.

If I gave up TV and my boyfriend felt so imposed upon by my sacrifice and having to find something else to do with me, I'd wonder whether he really enjoyed my company or not. :shrug:


#13

You see each other every other weekend, Lent lasts roughly about 7 weeks… that works out to about three weekends out of the entire year that he’d have to go without TV in your presence…

All I can suggest is that, if this is such a big issue with him, then maybe you can do some other sacrifice on those weekends in lieu of giving up TV (something that doesn’t require him to join you.) But if three weekends (roughly six days in a seven week period) without TV is too much of a sacrifice for him, you might want to think about how he’d feel if you got married and had to practice NFP for a while!


#14

:thumbsup:
Ain’t that the truth! Amen! Sacrifice is a key ingredient in marriage. This comment made me chuckle!


#15

[quote="marie0014, post:11, topic:231563"]
The thing is, we spend the WHOLE weekend together. Not just breakfast. That wouldn't be a big deal, but its three days together

[/quote]

I actually think it would benifit you to actually spend time with him rather than pass time watching TV. Especially since you have a long distance relationship. Again, he can watch TV at night when he is at his place. Perhaps instead of making it a "i'm giving up TV for lent so you cant watch it around me" thing you could just plan 3 weekends of activities so that you arent watching TV. Perhaps you could be reading while he is watching TV, that would actually challenge your will power as well.
I'm getting the sense that you want to make an excuse to watch TV while he is there and while lenten pennances are personal and therefore you are the boss of them, If giving up TV is going to be too hard for you perhaps you should focus on somethign else.


#16

Okay, so what's the purpose of your sacrifice? To refocus your time on more productive work rather than wasting your time in front of the TV?
Okay - but, is your time with your boyfriend "productive" to you... are you* building a foundation for a strong relationship* - possible engagement/marriage?

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with changing your personal habits on your personal time. Having the TV on during breakfast or in the evenings during this every-other-weekend visit during Lent is not going directly against the *purpose *of your sacrifice. Why not choose something else (during those visits) that you can sacrificially do without? :shrug:

If you do eventually get engaged/married, decisions like this are going to require a little bit of compromise. This may be a good opportunity for you to begin looking at options to compromise in a quiet and submissive way. Just find something ELSE to sacrifice during those visits...


#17

[quote="marie0014, post:1, topic:231563"]
Hi! For lent I'm planning on giving up watching television. It's become too large a part in my life and I feel like I could be doing much more useful things with my time. I told my boyfriend this weekend that I'd be giving it up. Since we're long distance, we'll see eachother every other weekend, and during the weekend we enjoy watching TV during breakfast, or in the evenings. When I told him I'd be giving it up, he said that it wasn't right to impose it on our weekends together. He said I should give up something else during the times we're together since he isn't giving up TV. This is my dilemma. Should I chose something else for the weekends we're together? Or should he respect my lenten sacrifice and not watch tv while he's with me?

[/quote]

In one sense I do agree with your boyfriend that he is not obligated to join you in your Lenten penance. Perhaps he's just not ready to give such a thing up

On the other hand...TV...he reallycan't give it up for 6-9 days? :rolleyes:

One time I suggested to my then-boyfriend that we give up kissing for Lent because that would be very very difficult to keep. :o He thought it would be a healthy exercise for our relationship. But I never would have done it if he didn't agree to it. He's not even Catholic.

I also think Catholicpotato is on to something:thumbsup:


#18

[quote="marie0014, post:1, topic:231563"]
Hi! For lent I'm planning on giving up watching television. It's become too large a part in my life and I feel like I could be doing much more useful things with my time. I told my boyfriend this weekend that I'd be giving it up. Since we're long distance, we'll see eachother every other weekend, and during the weekend we enjoy watching TV during breakfast, or in the evenings. When I told him I'd be giving it up, he said that it wasn't right to impose it on our weekends together. He said I should give up something else during the times we're together since he isn't giving up TV. This is my dilemma. Should I chose something else for the weekends we're together? Or should he respect my lenten sacrifice and not watch tv while he's with me?

[/quote]

He can still watch TV while he's with you. You just need to find another activity to do while the TV is on. (Just like he would eat something else while you eat chocolate.)

If you are asking him to not watch TV at all.....that's not him not respecting your sacrifice that is you dictating his actions. That would be like him saying you can't eat chocolate because he decided it wasn't good for you.

Don't draw a conclusion about his love/respect for you based on his "Hey wait a minute, this is going to have impact on both of us." comment. He's not arguing with you because he rather spend time watching tv than be with you. He's arguing with you because you made a unilateral decision about an activity you both participate in without talking to him about it first.

In this area, this guy is a keeper. Most guys would just be like "Yeah....and no." or "Whatever you say, honey." This guy is listening to you but isn't afraid to voice his own opinions. That is a great thing to have in a guy.

I'm not trying to jump on you. Everyone makes decisions like the one you did and then you have to think "oops....there are two of us now." My husband and I both did this to each other when we were dating. I just don't agree with the other posters that are saying you should be insulted or upset that he's arguing about something as trivial as TV. Because I'd bet it is more about the lack of say he had in this decision than watching TV on your date night.


#19

This really isn’t about Lent.

This is about the nature of relationships.

It seems as if television is an important part of how you relate to each other. We can all sit here and make judgments about whether that is a good thing or not but it is what it is.

If you want to give up something (even temporarily) that is an important part of the way you relate to each other then you need to learn to agree about such things. If this is not the way you want to relate to your boyfriend then you may need to re-evaluate the relationship. Perhaps a “make-over” is necessary. Or perhaps the relationship is not a “good fit”.


#20

Your "relationship" sounds like it's in trouble.

I'm giving up two things for lent. One a food item, the other Walmart. I go for convience...it's actully more pricy and the selection is horrible for grocery items....for dry goods it's limited and cheap...I need motivation to choose better stores.

The food item coincides with what my good friend dosn't eat to begin with.

As far as walmart...if he (or anyone) told me that I was "forcing" anything on them I'd go balistic.

You aren't locking your bathroom becuase you've decided to give up indoor plumbing and have dug a latrine in the backyard. You're giving up TV.

I am puzzled why you'd even have a TV on when your time together is so precious.


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