Lesbian Friend


Hi! I hope I put this on the right forum.

This week I got word that a friend of mine is in town to visit, and she’s already expressed that she would love to get together with me and chat, catch-up, etc. this weekend. This friend and I had a close friendship a couple of years back before she moved to the East Coast, and the experiences we had during that time I would never trade.

Since moving to the East Coast, several things have happened:
*]She “discovered” that she was a lesbian (she’s a divorced mom of a daughter which she gave up custody to her ex-husband)
*]She married another woman in Massachuetts (not sure if she’s out here with her on the trip)
*]I had a re-birth of my faith, and now am a strong Catholic Christian faithful to the teachings of the Church and the Magisterium

I have had many gay and lesbian friends in the past - I love each and every one of them, though I know they don’t understand the plan God has for men and women. Though I would love to see her again, I’m afraid a couple of things may happen:

*]I might start feeling uncomfortable with the lifestyle “choice” she made
*]I might start thumping the Bible over her head, telling her that she’s not in a state of grace and if she died today, she would be going to hell!
[/LIST]Of course, that second scenario would be a definate no-no. My question(s) are - 1) should I still go out and meet her? 2) how do I stand strong in my Faith and my convictions in front of the gay-agenda assault I’m sure I’m going to face when I reveal to them that I’m back into my faith as a Catholic?

I admit - I can be a pushover sometimes, even when it’s not right.

Thanks for your help!


Keep it simple. I would meet at Starbuck’s for coffee. Remember, she doesn’t know the “new you.” so she will be taken aback by the changes that you have made, especially in light of the changes that she has made. Pray before you go and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your words. Don’t be afraid to talk about your own conversion and how much hope and joy it has given you. But don’t condemn her either. She can not possibly be happy with her lifestyle, perhaps she will tell you things and your gentle responses may lead her to look for the one true God.

If she attacks the Church or brings up clergy sexual abuse scandals (or the like), then point out to her that you have not attacked her lifestyle nor the values it reflects. Tell her gently that you are offended by her remarks, and since you don’t want to argue, that you need to leave as a result. Thank her for taking the time to see you. And with as much kindness as you can muster, get up and walk away.

Whatever the outcome of your meeting, before you go, tell her that she will always be in your prayers. God bless you for being a true friend to a woman who is trapped in darkness. Keep praying!


You might like to ask yourself since your faith has deepened would you now choose to make a friend of this lady if you did not already know her?

If the answer is yes, go to meet her.
If the answer is no, don’t go to meet her.

You cannot make any judgements about her state of grace nor her conscience. Everyone, with the means to know, knows what the Catholic Church teaches on homosexuality. This lady by her life does not accept those teachings, if she did she would live or attempt to live her life in accordance with those teachings.

You however cannot sit in judgement of her nor can you attempt to act as her conscience. You however, do know the truth and have accepted it, this is your conscience forming.

If you do decide to meet this lady, you must treat her gently and carefully. You must assure her of your fond affection for her and your love for her as a friend, but on no account must you, if asked, deny the truth that **you **know. But you must bear witness to this truth kindly, calmly and gently respectful of the soul before you. You cannot on any account cause her to feel she is unacceptable because of her homosexuality/lesbianism, but you cannot on the other hand condone it’s practise. As you know it is not sinful to be homosexual, but rather to enter into homosexual acts is sinful.

You must do no violence to your own conscience and during these few days you must closely examine your conscience to the prudence of you two meeting. If you cannot in all clear conscience consent to meeting with her and be certain of your charity towards this lady then for the benefit of all decline the meeting with a suitable excuse.

Sometimes life moves on because the Lord desires it and sometimes friends are lost, sometimes friendships are revitalised and sometimes new friends are made. You need to pray to seek the answer to what the Lord desires.

St Paul instructed us to keep good company. If you can keep this friend on a surface level then you have no conflict, but if this friend will persecute your faith then you have to ask if this friendship has run it’s course.

Sometimes saying nothing speaks volumes.

Pray for your friend.

In my prayers


I like the point blessedstar made. :thumbsup: I will tell you this, my child is gay, and she has a long time partner of 3 years. I have had lunch and visited with both of them in their home. Last year, my husband and I were invited to thanksgiving dinner at their home, and we went for the sake ofmy daughter.

Never at any point in this visit did we ever show any signs of any kind of disrespect to her or her partner. Just because we opted to have dinner with them and lunch on occasion, does not make us unfaithful Catholics. They both know that we do not condone their lifestyle. This has been made known up front years ago.

We chose to visit with my daughter because we are trying to set a good example for her to follow, and believe it or not, it does have a good impact on her. She asks me about the church and our beliefs, and she does not even realize that she is starting to identify herself as a baptized Catholic, she tells me mom, this is what we Catholics think… and so on. It has nothing to do with anything I ever said.

I do not preach to her, it is not my place to do so. She has enormous respect for my husband, and he has been a very positive influence on her life. so much so, that she asks questions about the church, and I answer.

I think you should go to meet your friend. Your change in your life by coming back to the faith might have an impact on her. You may not think so, but it will. Do not preach to her. If she asks you , hey, i’ve noticed you’ve changed alot since we last met up! Tell her why without sounding like your preaching to her.

You can tell her, I’ve come back to the church, and it has changed my life. If she asks why? then tell her. but at no time should you ever preach to her at all. Keep the conversation light and friendly.

If she dons and attitude, then you cut the visit off, and wish her a nice day, and ask her if she wants your phone number or email and tell her you’d like to hear from her sometime. If your not comfortable with that, then simply tell her, I hope to see you again sometime.

I believe it is in the Code of Canon Law that we are not allowed to force Catholicism on others. Iam not saying you would, but this is a point to consider. We must be charitable at all times, and we must respect others beliefs even if we do not agree with them.

As for the gay issue, we must stand firm on that. But you can be charitable about your stance.You donot need to go into a million reasons why you do not agree with the gay issue, if it comes up, tell her politely what the church teaches about it, and leave it at that. I think she likely knows what the church teaches about it.

It is pretty much known world wide. At any rate, go to the visit and have a nice time.

God bless you, and your friend.



the only person you will ever control is you.

my theory is to never shun anyone for their beliefs. stay strong to you convictions and maybe you’ll be the lighthouse as they navigate their rocky world. Let people see Christ through your actions. You’ll touch more people through example than words.

the healthy have no need for a doctor.


Thanks, everyone, for putting things into perspective for me. I really don’t know where she is on her own spiritual journey, but I do know that as one of God’s creations, she does have goodness in her, though her own choices do negate that at times.

I’ll let you know how things go - hopefully, it will be a wonderful and pleasant visit.

God Bless!


Hi! This actually happened with a college friend of mine also. We always got together several times a year to just keep up with what was happening in our lives. There were 3 of us that met in the dorms when we started at the same college. So our friendship was about 30 years old when this particular friend left her husband ( the 3 kids were mostly grown) and she announced to the two of us that she was gay. She had a live in partner. We were stunned. In fact we did not get together for two years then. It was as if we didn’t know how to react to her anymore. Yet, a few months back we decided to meet for dinner. I had also become more active with my faith and I did not know how I would react to her. Our dinner was fine, and we kept our conversation mostly about our kids. I don’t think I am ready to discuss with her anything about her partner or her gay lifestyle. I really don’t feel like a good spokesperson for my faith.

I did feel it was important that we did not shun her, and I just dont’ know if anything that we say or do will influence her.


THANK YOU FOR THIS THREAD OP! Fitz I am in your position. I have a group of friends, one of them is SOOOOOOOOO against Church (she blames God for the death of her father) and everytime I mention anything about church her response is “Thats your first problem you go to church” :eek: In the same group, the other friends do not practice their religion (all catholics) and one of them is also gay. When she came out I was crushed and my expression showed it too. However she did tell me her dream was to get married with a MAN and have children and that if she ever met the right man she would leave her girlfriend in a heartbeat. This was last year, now she and her girlfriend have become tight and there is even talk about having children together :frowning: I ALWAYS feel like I have betrayed Jesus whenever we get together, I feel like my tongue has been swollowed, I dont know how or where to start a conversation on the topic, mostly for fear of the bashing I would get in particular from this friend who has such anger towards the church. Whilst I love my faith I just dont feel like a good defender of it :frowning: I dont enjoy our get togethers anymore and most of the time I dont attend.


From my own experiences, the best witness you can be, if you are strong in your faith, is to just love her to pieces because she is God’s creation regardless of her lifestyle. Christ loves her just as much as He loves you!

I have encountered many objections to my Catholic faith but my response is always the same. That I am willing to discuss what the Church teaches, but only if you are genuinly interested in learning. I don’t argue. Normally that will make people go very quiet or they will truly want to learn more.

I think my response is probably too late since the weekend is almost over - but I hope it went well for you!


Yeah, this is probably too late, but I still felt the need to post.

As a teacher, I have to love and honor and teach every child that walks through my door. And I love and honor (and sometimes teach) their families as well. Their faith, their lifestyle, the judgments of me need to have no bearing on my commitment to them.

God has made it abundantly clear that we are not to judge. Saying that your friend cannot possibly be happy in her life because she is gay, is like saying you cannot possibly be happy in your life because of the sins you commit on a daily basis. And if you’re anything like me, they’re the same sins over and over again. :o

I take my example of how to meet and love others from Blessed Mother Teresa. She loved Jesus in the distressing disguise of the poor regardless of their religion or lifestyle. She just loved and served and smiled and brought the peace and love of Jesus to everyone she encountered. There was no complexity of questioning - should I say this? should I condemn that? She simply loved and put her love into a living action. She was the loving light of Christ in the world, which is the calling for each of us.



Well, the weekend has passed. I met my friend at dinner at a local restaurant, and we went to karaoke afterwards (our favorite past-time). My initial reaction was joy in seeing her again and the feeling was mutual! She was out visiting a female friend (not her significant other) and her friend accompanied her to the visit (I heard a lot about her, and she’s a genuinely good person - but also a lesbian).

Our first couple of hours together was just doing some catching up - I told her what was going on in my life, and she was telling me what was going on in hers. We had a really good time laughing, joking, singing our brains out. But when it came to talk about the serious stuff, I could see and tell that she was very unhappy in her life now. Evidently, she and her “spouse” broke up due to infidelity (looks like on both their parts), she lost her job, and is doing whatever she can to get by.

My heart pours out to her. She is so intelligent and has such a good heart, but I know because of the way she has dealt with hurt in her past, and the choices she has made, it almost feels like she’s back at square-one again looking for a way to just swim to shore.

My faith did not come up in the conversation. I had invited her to come over this afternoon to talk more, but she had to get back up north to take her flight home…I know we’re not done talking. But believe me, I’m going to do my best to continue to reach out to her, no matter how many roadblocks I may encounter. I know this is a friendship for life, and I care too deeply to see her floundering like this.

Thanks again for your insights and advise!:thumbsup:


I am pleased to hear your meeting went well with your friend.

As you know, you cannot convert her heart.

Just keep her in your heart and prayers, always loving her and keep in mind conversion of heart to Love does not come about without a struggle, so be prepared to take some fall out from that struggle.

In my prayers.


the important thing is DONT preach to her.Believe me I have been the one preached at. When my best friend went off to Baylor University for school she became a “born again” Evangelical Christian. Her first visit home i thought we would hang out, have a good time and catch up on what had been going on. BOY WAS I WRONG. She preached at me for three days straight about how I needed to leave the Catholic church because we practiced Idolotry and I was going to hell. We really were not friends for a LONG time until finally we agree to live and let live and not preach at each other. Thank the Good Lord in Heaven above that she left that church and is now just a baptist again, shes much easier to love now!:thumbsup:


OK and if I had read all posts before posting I would have seen that you already met with your friend…go me…Sorry!


You might want to try humor. When you meet in person, bring up how people can change dramatically. Perhaps along the lines of:

"I’ve undergone a major change in my life recently. Do you remember how life changed so much for you when you discovered you were a lesbian? I’ll bet you were nervous to tell people. But I’ve got a little coming out story of my own to share. About xxx months ago, I discovered I was a Catholic!

Yeah - it surprised me too. You just never know the path your life is going to take, huh?"

By drawing a comparison to her major life change, her insecurities, her concerns about being accepted, she will (hopefully) focus on the fact that you are being honest and sharing an important change with her. And maybe she’ll NOT start any disagreements with you and instead be happy for you.


Wow…that’s pretty good…I definately ponder on this! Thanks :slight_smile:


LOL, of course you had to choose Starbucks - you know that they support the homosexual agenda, right? :wink: )


I learned so much from all of you from reading this thread - I learned thus us Catholics are pretty darn loving and Christ-like when we gots to be…lololol…you are all AWESOME.

thank you for making my day.


Starbucks only supports Article 1, sub paragraph 3 and all of Article 5 of the homosexual agenda. Currently, both Starbucks and HURA (Homosexuals United to Rule America – pronounced “hurrah” – ask yr local Marine) are vigorously discussing Article 2 and Articles 6-12. I suspect Article 4 is a lost cause though.


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