During my time away from the Church I made several very dear lesbian and gay friends. I was also an ardent supporter of gay rights and all manner of other “lifestyle choices” which I now regret and repent of.
On returning to my faith and the Church, and going deeper everyday through God’s grace, I have had similar questions about how to treat these relationships in the present.
With respect to those more faithful than I, I must disagree with “making sure your friend knows your faith” or “telling your friend she’s committing mortal sin.” These comments do not bring one closer to the truth. They bring on defensiveness and a commitment to prove the other wrong. They actually bring on a commitment to the sin they are meant to discourage.
So what do you do? You pray and you love. Because I now love my friends with the infinite love of God, my relationships with two of my lesbian friends in particular are more authentic and rich. They are quite clear on my beliefs and the teachings of the Church. But as non-Christians, my beliefs are a moot point to them except to the extent to which they see me live my beliefs. Staying in the relationship, I have the opportunity to be a witness to the joy of chastity, the life-giving power of celibacy, the worth I have found in Christ that keeps me committed to not being used as an object.
Am I supporting their lesbian lifestyle? Arguments can be made on both sides. But in the end, God alone will judge their souls. I can only be witness to the power and mercy of God, and I am not shy about sharing the dynamic changes in my life, nor about the books I am reading and things I am exploring and examining.
Am I concerned about their immortal souls? Absolutely. So I pray and pray and offer up any little thing that comes my way to offer up. And if the opportunity comes up for me to share something directly – as when one woman expressed questions about whether she could get what she wanted in life out of this relationship – I pray and pray, and speak whatever words God gives me.
Personally, I feel called to minister to this community, having been so involved in it for so many years away from God. Please keep me in your prayers, and know that I am praying for you and your friends.