As much as I appreciate all of your kindness and generosity of heart in praying for us, I am going to ask you to stop because everyting is getting worse, and I can’t take anymore.
My husband has gotten it into his head that I am his enemy. I am purposely not understanding what he is saying to me (he makes no sense at all when he talks).
His nurse today, who has the bedside manner of a boulder, had the gall to tell me, after when she asked how I was doing and I mentioned that he keeps getting worse (the latest is his not being able to hold his urine so he goes wherever whenever), got nasty with me and said “You obviously are having a hard time coping. If he aggravates you, don’t come to see him.”
I cope very well, thank you, but there’s only so much a human being can take. I’m getting slapped and marginalized left and right. My own husband is siding against me. I realize he’s not in his right mind, but do any of you have any idea how that hurts, especially after all he has cost me emotionally? After all I’ve done for him all these years?? My cup is running over, and I truly cannot take anymore.
I’m a former smoker (quit cold turkey 3 years ago) and a proud AA member (32 years sober). If I couldn’t cope, I’d be sitting here right now with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other.
I want to leave. I’m not his doormat or the hired help. If he doesn’t realize after all this time how fortunate he is to have someone like me, well - there’s not much I can do. The marriage is pretty much shot at this point. I will never recover from this. I have no money and nowhere to go. But I can no longer stay in this marriage. Only a miracle can save it, and that’s not going to happen. Miracles happen for other people. Not me.
Spent almost an hour in the Blessed Sacrament Chapel telling Our Lord out loud what I’ve written above. I read in the Imitation of Christ that is says to go to Our Lord and Our Lady instead of a human being for guidance and help. That’s what I did. Don’t know what good it did or will do.