Let's tell some happy marriage stories


#21

awesome post especially the biblical interpretation… :slight_smile: will be saving this one!!!

i wish there was a way you could bookmark the really really good posts for later reference…

anyone know how to do that???


#22

I don’t know–but I’m printing out BLB’s post for my Mother’s Rule of Life notebook.

Thanks so much for sharing this.


#23

I’m glad you liked it! There is one thing, though, that I need to point out: You do need to be honest with your spouse about what it is you want, what you need, what your opinion is, even if it is not very attractive. If you submerge all those things, you don’t give your spouse a chance to sacrifice for you, but keep all the doing for yourself…and you will resent him for it. You can only give what is in you to give. If it is not in you to give, you have to admit it.

CS Lewis made a great point in The Screwtape Letters that trying to achieve the negative “unselfishness” is a great deal harder and less productive than trying to achieve what God wants, which is the positive “love.” Don’t go in presuming to advocate for each other’s point of view, trying to make each other the target of petty altuisms in the process. Nobody even likes that sort of cheap sacrifice, let alone feels loved by it. Never letting the decision roll in your own favor is not humble, but is a form of pride in which you are never called upon to express gratitude. The expert on your point of view should be you. The expert on your husband’s point of view is your husband. Put it all out there, and then make your decision together.

Oh, and it is fair to say, “OK, I lied. I just wanted to be the generous one. I will grind my teeth and resent you every time I pull in the driveway if we paint the house that color.” If you have to take the paint back to the store, it is a small price to pay. And don’t get too anxious about disagreements in the middle of them. It all comes out in the wash.


#24

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