Personally, I agree with what other posters have suggested above. Have you spoken to the priest face to face? If you’re talking about your own pastor, I would certainly go that route before sending a letter. A letter, and especially one worded as formally as you have tried to word yours, sounds very cold and might cause him to feel defensive.
Of course, even before you talk to him, it would be best if you had some kind of personal relationship with your pastor. Does he know who you are? Are you active in any of the activities sponsored by the parish? Have you ever had a friendly conversation with him about any topic not related to liturgy/sacraments/doctrine/whatever? It’s not going to be much better if you approach him the very first time, introduce yourself, make some light chit chat about the football game for a few seconds, and then launch into a critique of the way he offers the Mass.
I’m exaggerating slightly, of course, but what you don’t want to do is put him on the defensive by making him feel he’s under liturgical surveillance by the parish crank.
NB: I am **NOT **suggesting you are a crank either, or that your concern is an irrelevant one! I just think it would be better to handle the question face to face and in the most personable way possible. Otherwise, you’re too easy to dismiss, if he is in fact inclined to dismiss concerns such as this one.
Perhaps you might even tell him that you have been trying to read up on the liturgy, and in your studies you noticed that the GIRM said that the Kyrie is always to be recited after the Confiteor, but that it isn’t done that way in your parish and were wondering why.
Whatever you do, approach the situation with as much tact as you can and things will certainly go more smoothly.
Hope there’s something in there that might help. God bless.