Letting stuff just "go"


#1

I’m not really sure where to post this, so I’ll put it here since one part of it kind of fits.

Basically, without going into detail, my life has been pretty rough to me. It comes in waves, but it seems like I never get a chance to heal from one thing before the next hits. I feel slowly being grated away with no chance to come back. sigh

The latest problem is with a group of friends I used to study scripture with. They started adopting truly terrible heresies (things like why sex before marriage is fine, why abortion should remain legal, and even how church is not God’s plan for anyone.) Needless to say those group meetings haven’t been as uplifting as they once were, not to mention one of the members has started a downward spiral into truly frightening anger. Just this year he assulted (not sexually) a teen boy at his church because the boy “mouthed off” to him, and had very heavy restrictions placed on him as a result. His pride and anger caused him to leave that church. Now, that anger has spilled over on to me. Both he and his wife used to be friends of mine until one day he blew up at me, started swearing, and then I found out later, was badmouthing me to everyone who would listen. As for his wife, all I know is she won’t say a word to me anymore. All f this because I told him I didn’t really like his jokes that he was making to me, about me.

I just feel like my stress is at a boiling over point. I’ve not been sleeping well at all, and I feel constantly tired. All my hobbies are kind of falling by the wayside. And by that I mean, I try to do something, but I just CAN’T. Not that I’m too depressed, it just looks like crud (or sounds like crud, with my music) when I try. The only good thing coming from it, is that I have been obsessively cleaning my house despite my natural tendencies to be a complete slob! LOL. I’m talking about losing sleep because I know I have some dirty dishes in my sink. I’ll sit down to work on some artwork, or to practice piano and I’ll get so restless and irritable, I’ll have to stand up and do housework. I’ve also been losing my temper more. I’ll stub my toe and just break out in obscenities and crying.

Even my relationship with God has taken a hit. I’ve always been an emotionally driven person. I feel things strongly. I used to be passionatly in love with Christ. I used to read scripture and just feel warm and fuzzy all over. I used to lose myself in christian music. I used to watch a sunset, see God in it, and just cry for joy. And eucharist? Don’t even get me started ;-). But lately I have felt nothing. Just a crushing emptiness, and numbess. Part of me is even getting scared that God has ceased to exist or something. I’ve almost been tempted to stop receiving eucharist because it doesn’t move me like it used to, and I am worried about blaspheming such a holy thing.

My husband just keeps telling me to “let it all go” as if it can just be brushed off, and I don’t know how to do it. People say “give it to God” and despite the rosaries I’ve said, or the pleading with God to take it, it’s still in my mind. Even when I ignore it and feel happy I still have nausea or stomach pains, and still can’t sleep through the night. Has anyone else had this problem? How do you deal with it? How do you just “let it go?”


#2

Contemplate on the Passion of Jesus Christ.


#3

Thank you, I will try to do this more. I admit that I have been doing this, yet I am still left feeling overwhelmed many days.


#4

I think you are going through a dark night of the soul. It is a cross which Jesus gives to some souls. Ask Him for His strength, His fortitude, and His love, and He will give it to you to bear the cross, to bear onward, and to believe all things and hope for all things.

I also recommend reading some excerpts from St. Faustina’s diary.


#5

That was a good read. Thank you.


#6

I’m still in the midst of letting things go… I too, have had some really dark, dark times, and the worst was when it kept coming in waves, and I barely got my head above water and a few breaths in before I was submerged by another.

I don’t have much time (I’m leaving the house in a few minutes) to go into detail of how I started letting some of that negativity go, but to cut right to the chase, I started putting my focus more on God and His will for me, rather than me and my will for God. Things are still rough at times… And I promise I’ll finish this up later (right now, it’s 12:30 pm here… It’ll be later this evening (7-8pm maybe) before I can finish it up).

I’ll keep you in my prayers, and may God bless you!
Ericka


#7

Your husband is quite right, in my opinion, though I understand some things are easier said than done. That said, you have a choice in the kind of people you surround yourself with. In this case, you need to find some new friends.


#8

I have been through the same thing. For me the root of it is being really affected by what people think of me. It is not easy to not care, but as one person advised, focus on what God’s will is for YOU, not on what other people who have their own issues are saying or thinking of you. We are reared often to be very sensitive to what others think, and that is OK, but not to the point where it messes up what God wants you to do.

I’d pick a new church. You do need new friends.


#9

The statement I hear is that I need new friends. Trust me, I am certainly looking :wink:

I have no interest to continue a friendship with the people treating me this way. I know they are petty, and have problems. I know this in my head, but my heart refuses to listen. No matter how hard I seem to pray, or how many times I repeat to myself “it’s not worth it. Move on, let it go. This is stupid” I still find myself lying awake at 3 am.

Oh, and about the church thing. They don’t go to my church. They aren’t even catholic. The Catholic church that I attend is a marvelous uplifting place.


#10

For some reason, this part of your post really stood out for me when I first read it this afternoon, and I’ve been thinking it over ever since.

I’m no psychologist, but it seems you may be a person who defines situations and beliefs on how you feel about them. You either LOVE or HATE something. You don’t just love and hate, you PASSIONATELY do so. Everything is, by most people’s standards, an extreme.

If most things are in the extreme, then even a more normal level of stability or comfort – or instability and discomfort – becomes really difficult for you to take. Emotions can be like a drug; if you only are comfortable experiencing the dramatic ones, or can only recognize and identify them when they are overwhelming, you can lose your perspective on the day in and day out ups and downs. Maybe that is why you can’t let things “go” – because in your mind they are much more important than they may be in your husband’s or someone else’s perspective.

And Satan knows that. How better to hit you than to throw things your way that throw you out of balance and make you crash simply because you are not on an emotional high? Maybe what is happening to you is not about these people – but truly is Satan using these people to throw you off balance.

I would pray to St. Michael to protect you from the Evil One. And, perhaps, I would seek counseling to learn to cope with the wide range of emotions you feel in a normal life. From passionate, to quiet and peaceful.


#11

As promised, I am starting where I left off. As I said, I started trying to align my will to God about 8 months ago. I was very much in the same boat as you are now emotionally and mentally and physically and spiritually as well. I was at the point of trying to rely on myself, and well, I can only do so much and I have only so much energy in my own self that very soon I was starving (literally and physically… I am in recovery from an eating disorder). I was a car that tried to sustain all operation on my own steam and one full tank of gas, and God was the gas station that I kept passing every so often, but I kept ignoring it because “I can do it all myself”. I was praying alot at this time, but it was for God to do what I wanted. Basically I was telling Him what he should do (:o Who did I think I was, the Pope? :wink: )… As you know, prayer is a two-way conversation, and when I thought that God was getting ready to speak, I stuck my fingers in my ears “LA LA LA LA!!! I can’t HEAR YOU!”

It wasn’t until I reached about as low as one can get did I start letting things go. I had to get to the point in my life that I gave myself, everything, to God to use for His will. I still struggled with it though. I didn’t really want “Thy will be done”… but I started small… I wanted to want God’s will. He met me where I was and slowly, the internal cacophany and disorder has morphed into joy… It’s not an overwhelming urge to laugh all the time… In fact, I’ve been asked, “Why so serious?” quite often, and that’s usually when I’m at my most joyful and peaceful.

Along the way, I have grown apart from my former friends. Quite a few of these folks I have known since elementary school (one from age 7). I woke up one day, and I didn’t know who these people who were once my closest friends were. I realized that we had grown and morphed into different people than when we were younger. That isn’t a bad thing, it just is. A couple I had to completely cut ties with, as their self destructive behaviors fuels my dormant self-destructivenss whenever we’re in contact. Most have just drifted away.

For a few months there, I had no true friends… as they had turned into acquaintences over the years. I still spent time with them, as I was very lonely at the time, but I found myself even lonlier when I spent time with them. They didn’t “get” me, and my new hunger for all things religious. I liken it to someone who has been lost in the woods, with nothing to eat but bugs and berries, who has been found and is at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I wanted the whole thing, and I wanted it right now. They didn’t even recognize the buffet as food.

One day this past October, I was especially lonely. I had just talked to one of those people and angered her because I wouldn’t listen to details of a recent “encounter”. I started walking down the road praying for a true friend… someone who would at least have an understanding of where I’m coming from. At the same time, a guy I knew from my days of drunken debauchery was praying for help to come back into communion with the Church after being away for 5 years, unbeknownst to me. I had walked by his house many times before, and saw him outside a few times but never talked to him since we lost contact the year before. I had an internal urging to go talk to him, and so I did. I had come into the Church myself since I talked to him last, so I mentioned that. I didn’t understand the shock and the laughter on his face until a few days later when he told me the “rest of the story”. I was able to rejoice with him on December 14th as he received the Eucharist for the first time in 5 years.

I think it’s very telling in Sacred Scripture of St. Peter being able to walk on water while focused on Jesus, but then began to flounder and get into trouble when his focus wavered.

As with hobbies (I play piano and sing, so I understand what you’re saying about everything sounding like dreck)… it’s a hobby. It is nice to be able to do it “well” (whose defination is that, though), but I’ve found that my greatest spurts of improvment with playing piano is just keep doing it, some times over and over again until I got it down. Do only as much as I can, but make sure that what I can do I do it to the best of my ability… maybe my ability at that time is greatly lacking, but I still do it. Note by note, measure by measure, line by line, poco a poco.

One of my favorite bible verses (that I’m trying to implement in my life) is Luke 16:10 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” I put my focus on the small things that I could be faithful with. I don’t feel like getting out of the bed and it’s already 10am. I got up and at least sat on my couch. Don’t feel like moving from the couch? Well, I need to call my grandmothers and see how they’re doing. I broke down what I needed to do to live a faithful life, and started small. It’s very tempting to go in and “fix” the big things in our lives, but it is nearly impossible to do. Though it seems that by starting small, you’re not doing much, trust me, you are. How did any of us learn how to talk? We started by babbling. Those babbling became words, words were strung together to make sentences, those sentences grew long, and before we know it, we are talking. Same thing with walking. Same thing with playing piano, or anything else in our lives.

I am sorry if this is so disjointed and a little jumbled and not in any particular order. :rolleyes: Perhaps, I should have taken my own advise in the previous paragraph :blushing: ;). In any case, I hope you hear something that you need to hear, and I will be praying for you.

God Bless!
Ericka


#12

You know, it’s funny you would say this, because I have often thought that might be the case. My life has always had really horrible things going on, and so maybe what is going on is really nothing. I don’t think that is the case because there was a “calm before the storm” so to speak where everything was…hum drum. There was nothing going on. Life was just…life and it was great.

See, in the past 2 years I’ve lost a family member very close to me, shifted hormonal medications that have a strong hold on my moods, almost lost my mother, seen a terrible mental illness befall my mother, been told my parents were divorcing twice, had my only sibling move to a foreign country for a year, been through 2 jobs, having had to quit one because of extreme harassment (sexual and otherwise) as well as illegal practices by the company, I am currently applying to get my teaching cert, I’ve moved 2 times, changed room mates 3 times (and the room mate situation ended terribly, with them trying to get my kicked out of my christian college), got married, graduated from my undergrad program, and now this issue with those people that is causing me to feel as though I am losing my whole social structure with friends. Not to mention I’ve had a few injuries, a surgery (possibly another coming up in a few months) I just found out I am getting laid off from my current job (which I love) and with all of this has been weight gain. I struggled with an eating disorder in high school, so my weight bothers me more than most, I think.

All the while I am dealing with things from my past. Physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse from my mother (her arrest on several occasions) and images of her trying to kill herself right in front of me when I was in high school.

I don’t like to dwell on my past, but things are springing up. Kind of like a leaky waterbed. When I think I patched one more thing up, and old leak seems to spring up. I’m trying to be the best I can be for my husband, and to be a good wife. I just don’t know how to handle all of this stress. I thought the reason I was reacting so harshly to the newest thing was because I was one of those uber emotional people, but I think it’s just a pile up. Just now I got a phone call from my mom that a childhood pet of mine is being put down. Yeah, it’s not a huge crushing thing, just another drop in the bucket.

While I do think I feel things strongly, I don’t think it’s a “I have to be passionate all the time” kind of thing. I do get passionate about weird stuff. I do care a lot about what others think. I also have a hard time tolerating some things. Abortion being one of them, yet I am perfectly capable to carry on a healthy and lively debate with one of my closest friends – who happens to be pro-choice. I do know I am hurt by words easily. Although I never used to be, I chalk this up to the fact that my nerves are ground down to nothing these days.


#13

When I read your post I had two thoughts. One is that my life, although at a different point, has definitely been “rocky” too, and also that the current common philosophy, that being that we need to learn what “life” is telling us so that we don’t go through this again is “selling us down the river”. It doesn’t recognize the “principalities and powers” that we are dealing with, for one thing. For another it doesn’t allow for His Will being a mystery. I think, that in order to give Him the ultimate respect that He is due, we need to “let go” even the feelings of oppression that life sometimes give us.

PS You also need new friends!


#14

Here’s a line from one of my favorite songs (Letting Go by Gary Valenciano)

“Letting go to know the truth is not so hard to do
It’s the heart that’s got the will to open up for Him to fill
and trusting and believing Him is not so hard to do
It’s just the heart that’s got to move for Him to show His love that’s been there even when we never cared.
Take hold of His hand, let go and you’ll understand.”

I had that time of my life as well not too many months ago. He allowed me to be in the dark, to grieve, to regret, to get hurt and then allowed me to love all over again. Through it all, God is your only vindication. You don’t have to explain everything about it right now. There are times that we look so much for the answers and we want to try to explain things but all that God wants to do is wait upon Him and He will let us see clearly His own purpose and will. There is always a time for everything. He makes all things beautiful in His time.
I will include you in my prayers.


#15

Hi, i wouldn’t worry if I were you. God is still there and this will not last forever. God is likely sending you these trials for a very important reason and if he seems to have disappeared it’s likely that he just wants to help you grow by making you live by faith alone for a while without all the consolation and warm feelings etc. Persevere and you will be much the better for it when it ends. Often times great blessings can await us at the other end of such trials. I had many people following me around for several months very recently because my company I work for went broke and they blamed me. They even followed me into church. They were really after me and kept threatening to get me and even kill me. I think some people were praying hard because I certainly received unusual protection then. I’d had about 3 yrs of particularly hard trials before this too. But when they stopped following me etc soon after I was blessed by God in many ways and my best friend Allen told me so many of his brothers and members of their families had come back, were on their way back to the church or believed in God now. Several of them. And they had been atheists for 40 or 50 yrs and married atheists etc.I had prayed and offered the suffering for them amongst other things and Allen did much more than me. But if we accept our cross and persevere God will bring so much good from it. I hope this helps you:thumbsup: :slight_smile:


#16

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.