Hello Again to Everyone,
Well this post will be a bit awkward. As the Topic mentions, I'm more than slightly confused about which vocation to choose. I have spoken to priests in the past, who all told me that Everyone has a vocation, whether it may be Marriage, Priesthood or whatever else.
Problem is, my life is generally unstable, my family is completely broken (except for a handful), I'm lucky to still have my mother (most family members are like strangers to each other). I'm in my early 20's and had bad experiences with relationships.
So there are few vocations for me to choose from, I would rather be alone all my life, as I think it is more peaceful than being in a relationship (I do not have the emotional strength, or nerve to tolerate a relationship, or marriage).
As a result I had spoken to priests, who advised me to either join a monastery or the priesthood. AND I did enter a couple monasteries, but due to my general ill health, I do not have the physical strength to cope with the amount of labour that is needed from me at a monastery, so I quit that vocation as well.
So here I am thinking of what to do with my life: I do not really fit anywhere, and I do agree with most of the ways of the society. I hate attending parties, or gathering as I find them too bothersome. I have no interest in sports, that is pointless to me. I do not see anything great about a man kicking a ball into a net, or throwing another into a hoop, or of another running like a horse on a racetrack, etc ,etc, etc. I have nothing to do with sports, music, or anything else that everyone does. I'm just happy being by myself. I do not care about having alot of money, or about owning a car, or anything of the sort.
My friends consider me to be a recluse, and I do not argue with them, as I barely have much to do with the world in general (except for work, shopping for necessities, late-night walks, and evenings out by myself) I occasionally go out with a couple friends, not more than that, as it is bothersome for me..
With that said, the ideal vocation for me was in the monastery, and I was very unhappy when I realised that It couldn't work out for me, because of my health issues. And as I said before, I don't have the emotional strength for a marriage either.
I'm all happy with doing my work, going to church every couple days, and just being at home, reading or writing: but sometimes I just think of what those priests told me about a vocation, and I do not really understand where I fit into that.
Has anyone here experienced something similar to this? I'd appreciate some replies.