We went on a Retrouvaille weekend - it is French for rediscover.
We rediscovered each other - we rediscovered our love and why we got married. We found a lot of help to become “we” and not just “him and me”.
The love we found was not just romance - not that I think romance is all bad - I am a woman, afterall. But more than romance and more pleasant than “grit-your-teeth” or “love is an action word” kind of love.
Not only will you not find better therapy for your marriage for less - you will be particiapating in a Catholic process to save and preserve your marriage. Pray for the sacramental grace of your marriage to help you now.
All kinds of marriages and problems can be helped through this process - if the couple will commit to the weekend and commit to working the process as best they can.
We had couples on the weekend with us who had been married under 5 years and a couple who had been married 47 years and not sure they would make it to 50 years.
Some couples had to overcome sexual infidelity, physical and emotional abuse, or even just emotional infidelity - wandering attention or putting marriage too low on the list of what is important.
For us, it was too many of life’s stressors. The first was when our seven year old daughter died seven years ago. The grief work kind of led us in separate directions to heal ourselves and we started to neglect our marriage.
Then we adopted a child with mental health problems and he has helped us to grow apart even more. Getting time without him was rare - even in the middle of the night.
My firbormyalgia and chronic fatigue symptoms worsened and my husband sees that as just being depressed or lazy. Pain and overwhelming fatigue just aren’t easy to describe. :shrug:
We did have some wonderfully difficult finanacial times after Claire died - my husband went back to school and our remaining child was at a somewhat pricey private school.
So if one adds in having to admit a six year old kid to the psych ward for being suicidal and my father in law dying and our older making his first holy Communion about 12 hours later - that was difficult to manage but …
The next spring was worse and we had to go to court to regain custody of the son with problems (I have to admit I was ambivalent at first that is partly how I got us in this mess) so 12K later I am the one who wasted that money, etc.
We didn’t fight - we put up walls and ignored each other. We wanted to remake the other person, but that wouldn’t happen, so we just resigned ourselves to trying to be polite and not precipitate the end of our marriage - like a good Catholic should. :o
As I wrote elsewhere we were tepid to each other not freezing cold or scalding hot. It wasn’t what one would want for their marriage by any stretch.
Now, here we are fresh off the weekend and in love again. We aren’t on the other side of the issue any more. We like each other and even like being with each other. It is amazing. :extrahappy:
I pray that other couples take the lifeline Retrouvaille extends - it is really a helpful process.
Now we are in the post retreat process and anxious to keep the momentum of improvement going forward.