Listing people who are not related nor spouses in obituary?


I wasn’t sure where to place this thread, so please mods, transfer it to another spot if I didn’t put it in the right section. Thank you!

This might be an odd question, but here goes. I was reading an obituary yesterday–terribly sad story about one of the women who worked in my dd’s school cafeteria who died in a car accident last week. She was 38, and in the obit it stated all who survived her…my dd said she was divorced, and only 5 days away from getting her life insurance in place. I believe teachers were talking about this. So, the obit stated that she was survived by her mom, her daughters, etc…and then ‘her fiance (his name) and HIS sons…’ I didn’t know that one could list people who are not related, or married to the deceased person, ‘as being survived by’ in an obit. I was just wondering your thoughts on that? I know–weird question, and I’m not trying to analyze, but I just don’t ever recall reading an obit stating something like that. Just curious.

Please say a prayer for her family–it’s so sad:( …her dd’s go to school with my son.


since it is usually the family or whoever arranges for the funeral who supplies the info in the obit, they can say whatever they want to say, and there is usually someone at the funeral home or newspaper office who edits the format, but not the content. no rules.


I have read obits that list every person the deceased has ever known and those who list only spouse and kids (even leaving out children-in-laws) I think anything goes when listing people in obits. I know from personal experience that sometimes obits are worded so the widow/er doesn’t lose SS benefits or support.

I saw (have somewhere around here) the most interesting obit ever out of a NC paper a few years ago. It was long (1/4 of a page or so) and it was terrible funny. (If I find it I will post some of it.) I think it depends on the person and the family and the circumstances around the death.

Prayers for the family.


Ok, that makes sense. I don’t really read a lot of obits, but in times past, I don’t ever remember anyone but family/spouses being mentioned as ‘survived by.’ Thanks annie.


obviously you are still young, we oldsters have to look at the obits every day to see if we have outlived our friends and relations, and to make sure we are not listed.


Maybe we ought to write our own obits and give them to our executor. Then the deceased at least remembers those that were important to him.


lol–that’s funny!:smiley:

lol–I’m 39, and old to my dd, but maybe still young to some.:wink: Some days I feel younger than others.:o

I used to read the obits a lot as a teen, as my parents died by the time I turned 10…something fascinated me about people’s stories, etc. I agree with you, TED…I want to write my own. That is a good idea.


You sound like my Dad! Good News Mary I wasn’t in the obits today! :whacky:


Whatevergirl… When my BIL died recently there was a big todo over the obit. In one newspaper it listed just the family… and in the local paper it totally left out his wife in favor of his girlfriend! (wife died about 8 yrs ago) Anyway, half the family threw a fit because it was my dh’s sister that was left out. I know it wasn’t the gf that arranged this because she was very respectful of his relationship with dh’s family… it was her sister that purposely did this among other things like threatening to kick out the niece of the deceased from the viewing… talk about tension… it was like 3 separate camps… the deceased’s family, his wifes family (us) and the girlfriends family… and people were afraid to speak to each other because of all the trouble that the gf’s sister had caused. It was truly sad!


Oh my gosh–that is crazy! Horrible, yes.:frowning: In the height of probably one of the worst, most somber/sad days of one’s life (to lose a loved one) this is just so ridiculous. But, I think that it might be a good idea to not leave out anyone, in case someone does get hurt by it.


You can put whatever you want in an obituary… obituaries aren’t free, you are paying to put it in the paper… just like wedding announcements, etc.

I’ve seen all sorts of stuff in obituaries.


A few years ago my “like a grandfather” died. He was my grandmother’s live-in boyfriend (she was a widow, but never married this man). He didn’t have any living blood relatives (in this country - he was an immigrant from Hungary), but he had my grandmother, and he had a “Godson” who was like family to him. So my grandmother was listed as a long time companion, and his godson was also listed as such. I think it is nice to list the people who have “survived” you, whether or not they are blood relatives. This way, you know who is grieving and who to give your condolances to.


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