living as brother and sister

when it comes down to it, isnt living as brother and sister a joke? isnt the point to endure any hardship rather than risk sinning? could the church be wrong in marginally allowing this, and kind of allowing marriage to non christians? these things dont seem consistent

The “hardship” should not be visited unduly upon the children who are innocent of their parents sin, nor is there actual sin in living this way. But no, the point is to not endure extra hardship to avoid risk of sinning, which is really quite impossible for all who draw breath.

The Church is not wrong and we should be slow to judge both this action of the Church and others who face these problems. The Holy Father has asked the Church on how these families can be ministered to more pastorally. I do not see the Holy Spirit moving the Church in a more harsh direction.

Totally agree with this statement.

It is a norm that a Catholic living together as husband and wife without a valid marriage is not to receive the Holy Eucharist. Sometimes is has been allowed where there are children, and with repentence and with brother sister vow and only where there is no scandal, for those remarried, but not even for those in merely living together or in a civil marriage.

The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith’s statement of 14 September 1994 on reception of holy communion by divorced and remarried members of the faithful emphasizes that the Church’s practice in this question “cannot be modified because of different situations” (no. 5).

i am asking because i am not married but i am pregnant. one priest told me i could live brother and sister with babys father, another told me it was bad advice. if saints died rather than commit sin, what am i supposed to do? this carries risk of serious sin.

Are planning to marry your baby’s father? If you are living together but plan to marry in a short amount of time then it may be alright to live as brother and sister for now. If you do not plan on marrying within a few months or a year, this probably is not the best advice. If your only child is the one you are carrying, personally I do not recommend living as brother and sister. I recommend a separation until marriage–no living together, no sex. If you have older children that would be traumatized by the sudden separation of their parents, living as brother and sister may be a better route to take.

Living as brother and sister is advice that is usually given to couples already in an invalid marriage, who have repented, and wish to receive the sacraments, but whose circumstances make living apart impractical (for example, if there are children in the home who would be traumatized by a separation).

I am surprised that a priest suggested that you move in with your BF. For you to do this without benefit of marriage would place you in a near occasion of sin, by making your commitment to future chastity more difficult. Furthermore, it would certainly be scandalous to those who know you, as most people will assume that you are having relations if you are cohabitating. Live near each other, if that will help you parent together more effectively, but not with each other.

I would suggest living apart until you marry (if you decide to marry–think about that decision carefully), and getting a second opinion from another priest.

We don’t know your current living and financial situation or all the other details you may have shared with him–or a number of other things, like the priest’s past experiences.

I read on another thread that you were considering adoption, but it sounds like maybe marriage and raising this child together is still on the list of possibilities. I do know one thing–in this society, babies in the womb of an unmarried woman where the child’s father does not want to be involved are at a higher risk for being aborted. :frowning: Maybe based on his experience, the first priest felt that his advice to live together as brother and sister increased the chance of the baby being allowed to live. Or he may have had concerns over your health and safety during this pregnancy. I don’t know. It may have been bad advice, but there are some situations where it may not be.

While I agree with most of your post, there was one thing you said which stood out. I believe people already assume they have relations seeing as she is pregnant with his child so I do not see how moving in together would change that particular aspect. There is, however, still the problem of a near occasion of sin, which does need to be taken into account.

From that stand point, I see what you mean, especially if you know that you will not truly live together as brother and sister. It isn’t supposed to be lip service and is simply not something many, maybe most, could consider.

I too find the advice strange and better understand why you asked this question. It may sound odd, but I still will say congratulations on your decision to be a mother. So many would take the easy way out, which really is not easy. Yes, we have to live with consequences of our actions for years, but God’s name is Mercy and he always give us joy along with the trials.

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