Living in fear of a judgemental angry God


#1

Chosenone wrote on another post that I may be living in fear of a judgemental angry God.

That is very TRUE!!!

I have 2 BIG fears and worries …

Since my wife died, I am all alone and unemployed and I have some health issues with my feet…I am on COBRA for my health insurance and when that runs out I don’t know if I would be accepted by a private health insurer…probably not…

I fear the pain of the loneliness and doubt about this world…I fear becomming homeless and all the bad things the world can offer to the homeless…
My world is fear fear fear worry worry worry…

My other worry is that God will not understand my EMOTIONAL STATE and condemn me to hell because he did not feel that I should be emotional…All my life I have had anxiety and been very emotional…

I FEEL LIKE I AM DOOMED HERE ON EARTH AND PROBABLY DOOMED FOR ETERNITY AFTER I DIE…
We had no children, so it is just me and my dog…
Since my wife died, I have lost 160 pounds…Eating and all of living just has no meaning anymore except for FEAR…

I wake up in the middle of the night and repeat a million times
" I CAN DO ALL THINGS IN CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME" BUT i DO NOT KNOW IF THE PRAYER IS WORKING…

I’m sorry for babbling on and putting my emotions on you good people…

I continually ask God to help all that need his help, including me,

Please pray for me,the pain and fear is unbelieveable and horrific…
God Bless you all
Ken


#2

This book is very helpful to me to recognize God’s mercy and love. I would recommend you to read this book:

The Diary of Saint Faustina
amazon.com/Diary-Faustina-Kowalska-market-version/dp/1596141107


#3

Hi Ken. Sorry you’re feeling so bad right now. You’re in my prayers.

It sounds like you’ve got a bad case of “scruples” going on. Have you spoken with your priest about your fears? Why don’t you make an appointment with your Pastor… and see if he has any suggestions. Perhaps, he could recommend some helpful reading on the subject of scruples… or maybe a support group. We have something at our parish called “Good Mourning” for folks who have recently lost a loved one. Maybe your parish does too?

In the meantime… I found these links. I hope they help. And please remember, Ken… above all else, Our dear Lord Jesus LOVES you.

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=21586

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm


#4

My thoughts and prayers for you, Ken. :gopray2:

I think a lot of us right now can relate to the uncertainty of our futures with stuff like the economic crisis, wars etc. going on around the world. The important thing to remember is that Divine Providence governs all things. Nothing will happen to us here below that is not for our benefit if we remain in God’s love. As painful as things may be and may become in the future, God’s grace is sufficient. And from reading what you wrote, it seems that God’s grace is already very much operative in your life! You would not have been making those acts of trust at the middle of the night if it were not God’s grace moving you to do so despite your emotional pain. So remain strong and hang in there and just remember that God will not be offended by our feelings of emotional distress, and even feelings of emotional hesitation and mistrust. We can’t help how we feel. What God wants is our will: our will to love him, our will to serve him, and our to will to trust in him despite every feeling we might have to the contrary.

In addition to the great material recommended above, another good book you might find useful is Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence. It really puts things into perspective.


#5

Praying for you, Ken. Hold on to God–He will never let go of you. Trust Him. Tell Him your fears in prayer.
Do you go to Adoration? It is a beautiful place to bring all your burdens to the Lord. Just talk to Him quietly. He knows your heart. Blessings!!


#6

My other worry is that God will not understand my EMOTIONAL STATE and condemn me to hell because he did not feel that I should be emotional…All my life I have had anxiety and been very emotional…

God is not a Vulcan, and does not expect you to be one, either.

Where did you get the idea that God doesn’t think you should be emotional? God invented emotions and put them inside you!

And since, as the Apostle says, “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things,” (1 John 3:20) why should He not understand your emotional state? (For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our hearts, and knows all things.)

Remember how during His Passion, our Lord, God, and Saviour Jesus Christ said, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death”? Of course, God understands emotions!

Dear soul, God is nearer to you in your sorrow than you can possibly realize. Believe me, the demons themselves see your faith and tremble before it.

If you possibly can, see if there is some underlying medical condition for your anxiety, and have it treated. God works through medicine, too.


#7

Dear Ken,

May the Lord be with you, he loves you so so so much that even if you were the only person on earth he would have still died for you, to redeem you, to have you with him forever. I find it helpfull to remmeber that it is his grace that leads us to repentance and that once something is repented of and forgiven by God (in confession for grave sin) then we do not need to worry at all, God himself has bought you to repentance and he himself has forgiven you. When you next go to Mass see Jesus in the priest standing there before you inviting you to accept him in the Eucharist, he can’t wait for you to recieve him with an open heart of love, he loves you too much to leave you as you are he wants to transform you (GENTLY!) he wants to be your everything. run to him and he will recieve you with open arms.

I would also definatly suggets talkig this through with a priest and maybe your doctor (follow the priests advice) also ask our Lady for her powerfull intercession- she is your mother and she loves you very much and she will lead you to Jesus. (also, try and get a brown scapular this is a wonderfull reminder of Gods constant love and protection!)#

God bless you. I will be praying for you!


#8

God is so tender, gentle & beautiful. He loves you with an everlasting love–love beyond human comprehension.

You only have to fear God if you are not walking in his ways. Just because you feel a certain way does not mean you are not living in his ways.

God is close to the brokenhearted. I don’t know where you live but I encourage you to spend an hour in Eucharistic adoration and tell God exactly what you just told us!! He already knows but he wants you to come talk to Him and tell him everything about your life.


#9

Ken, God definitely does always understand us, better than anyone else can. If He put people in hell for being emotional, I’d be going to hell for sure! I’ve had anxiety for most of my life too. God doesn’t “put people” in hell… people go to hell because they themselves turn away from Him. Since you’re trying to reach out to Him and want to be saved, that shows a lot. Only mortal sin separates us from God and only for unrepented mortal sin can we go to hell. Being emotional is not a mortal sin, it’s a feeling. :slight_smile:

I really hope God will give you peace brother… but remember that the way we accept His peace is by trusting in Him. He doesn’t force us to believe or to love or to feel at peace.

Here are two quotes from St Faustina’s Diary, and these are Jesus’ own words…I pray that they will bless you.

“Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy.”

“The graces of My mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that it - trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much, because it is My desire to give much, very much.”

God loves you more than you can know!!


#10

:slight_smile: and even if we are not walking in His ways, His mercy and love is still endless, we just have to be willing to accept it…

the only difference between Judas and Peter is that Peter repented of denying Christ and came back to HIm, and Judas did not… and God made St Peter a great Apostle and the first Pope! :slight_smile: God is always ready to welcome us back to Him… He rejoices when we come back, and all of Heaven rejoices.


#11

I recommend a good book called Arise From Darkness by Father Benedict Groeshel.


#12

Know that you are not alone,we are here to pray for you to our loving Lord. Keep writing to us,and follow the good advise given in the previous posts.:console:


#13

Though I haven’t read it myself, I’ve heard that the book CS Lewis wrote after his wife died, “A Grief Observed”, is very helpful for those going through something like that. Knowing his style, it is also easy to read and incredibly insightful. Also, this is one of the best resources I have ever come across for people who are scrupulous: mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm


#14

My dear friend
God is love and can only love. The only thing you have to worry about is making sure you love him back, try your best to do His will and all will be well. Anxiety, worry, stress, fears, doubts, depression ( not chemical ) and the like come from a lack of faith. Try praying for more faith and just trust God and do your best. That’s all He asks.:slight_smile:


#15

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