I was a young practicing catholic. 16. Fell in love. Saw no easy way. Left with the guy I fell in love with. I am living with him. 19. He’s protestant. Not even close to his church right now. I love him with all my being. But I can’t love him more than God. When I left with him I thought God would help me convert him. I knew and know now that God can do it all. But lately I think… what if he doesn’t want to? What if this isn’t what he wants for me? What if he was testing me when I fell in love… to see whether or not I would pick Him? ;( I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend says he would marry me in the Catholic church if they wouldn’t make him promise that he is going to let our children be raised Catholic. If I end up pregnant, I AM SCARED. I CRY. We are practicing natural birth control. Can’t remember the name right now. But What if?? Do I need to get out? My parents are closer than ever to the church… as I also am, except I can’t take His body. I cry because of it. I know I am not worthy. I pray that hopefully God will help me. I know he wants to. But what if this isn’t what he wants for me? What if he wants me to leave? I don’t want to insult God. I should be out there preaching to others the right way of living. Not living in sin… I always said I was going to get married the right way. The way He intended. Virgin bride. Happy marriage. Except I am not married. It breaks my heart.
If only Eve wouldn’t have bitten the apple. Or better yet, If people wouldn’t have started leaving the church. It would be easier. I he was Catholic, even a non practicing one, EVERYTHING would be so simple, so perfect. That’s how I see things. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I am. I’m hurt. I keep thinking: Well, God will help me. But I feel like I can’t hear him. Maybe I am not worthy to hear him, because I am living in sin. Would God really let me fall in love and see if I would choose Him over a human? It should have been easy but I didn’t. I was a teenager. As I am now. But now it is easier to see it. I see the world: so many people have it so easy. To get married right. To teach their children to live good solid Christian lives, and yet they don’t. But what is MY part in this world? I am sad. Should I leave, as much as it may hurt? What do I do??? I don’t know where to begin. I met him and nine months later I moved in with him. (behind my parent’s back. They have forgiven me and love me unconditionally. They do tell me and him the right way to do things. I am all for it, but he’s a protestant… We’ve been living together for a year and five months. I love him with all my heart and soul. I can’t imagine anyone else. But if have to leave him, I should…. ;( Is there anything I can do?)
Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to live in god’s will and be happy and make Him happy? Why do we have to sin so ugly. Why couldn’t I avoid temptation?? I mean, what if I die tomorrow? How can I face our Lord?? What do I do?
Please, I would love to hear from others that have been through anything like this. Inspiration. Hope. Help. I need it all and more. Please. ;(