Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus,
Well, it has taken a little bit of courage to post my question in this big forum. But, precisely, I do so in the hopes that someone out there can advise or recommend some books that may be useful to me.
In brief, I experienced a conversion ( I think that would be the proper way to express it) about three years ago. I am a craddled Catholic, but, I was stupid and still am and I was very ignorant about my faith and still am. Up until then, I was practicing my Catholic Faith my way with the little catechism I received in my childhood. I went to Mass often but not with the obligation and recognition that not going without good reason is a mortal sin. I confessed every ten or so years and this kind of Catholic. I did say my prayers in the morning and at night.
Although as the years went by I was coming more, more away from the periphery of the Church as I began to listen to myself more and less to society and associates and friends, I still made stupid decisions and was very ignorant about the teachings of the Church. My conversion did not happen gradually, however, three years ago I was kicked off my horse, much like Paul.
Ever since, I have devoted myself to learning about the teachings of the Church, attending Mass every Sunday, confessing regularly etc… I have learned a great deal and recognize that there is an abundance more to learn. I can see that I could easily devoted my whole life to learning for there is so much. I can also look back and see that I have with the Grace of God done some spiritual maturing.
I am sure many Catholics can relate to this conversion experience and wish to further add that in these past three year I have without knowing nor that it had a name - done a lot of purgation. By this I mean that in light of my confirmaiton of Faith that came with my conversion I had to reevaluate everything that I thought I knew and how I saw the world. I did a lot of shafting and got rid of a lot of things, beliefs and understandings that were contrary to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It has been a process.
However, I am at a point right now as a result of my purgation, that the things that motivated me career wise are no longer there. Money, power, fame, social status, etc… are no longer motivators. Now, I understand that we are living in God’s time and we can not speed up spiritual growth and that actually the journey is a life long journey, but, I just wonder since we can always work to advance and make progress, how some of the members here dealt with this stage.
To be more specific, I am planning to begin a new career which will be beneficial money wise and then there is a project of evangelization and helping the poor that is in the back burner. I have dependents and a duty and obligation to provide for them, so I need to get in the business world and make money to provide for them. I understand that we are called where we are at but, I am trying to get a clear view or perspective of this stage. Hopefully in doing so I commence my endeveor with confidence, motivation and passion.
I know that I am really putting myself out there with this post, but, I am hoping that it will be worth it and I can receive some suggestions and advice or maybe some recommended reading. I have actually researched the net and found the following but it does not go deep enough to address my situation: charlottediocese.org/customers/101092709242178/filemanager/frankv/StPaulConversion.pdf
I am sure my experience is a common one since many people experience conversion or convert to the Catholic Church. Once we get rid off ‘most’ of the things of the world and have put on Christ how do you go on? Saint Paul for instance knew exactly what he was called to do and was prepared, but, I do not have a profession. I am not a doctor nor a professional. It is not obvious to me how I can serve. Well, I’ll stop here and wait to see what kinds of replies I get.
I thank you in advance for your time.