Living Together Before Marriage?


#1

I was wondering what the Catholic Church says about the following situation. My fiance and I will be moving to Wisconsin. We will be living with my parents. We will sleep in the same room, but in different beds. We also have made a commitment of no sex before marriage.

Is this ok? Should we sleep in separate rooms, eventho we are in separate beds? I would appreciate some help. Thanks.

-Matt


#2

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]I was wondering what the Catholic Church says about the following situation. My fiance and I will be moving to Wisconsin. We will be living with my parents. We will sleep in the same room, but in different beds. We also have made a commitment of no sex before marriage.

Is this ok? Should we sleep in separate rooms, eventho we are in separate beds? I would appreciate some help. Thanks.

-Matt
[/quote]

Why would you even tempt yourself by sleeping in the same room? Maybe you are stronger than I am, but I would fail miserably in that situation.
God Bless you and guide you with your move and marriage.


#3

tell you what you do… take a 5 gallon can of gasoline every night to put between the beds… make sure you keep a candle lit and place it next to the can of gasoline so you won’t trip over it while walking in your sleep…
… come on… who are you kidding besides yourselves… shame on your parents for being that gullible as well… you guys are an explosion waiting to happen…

remember the cardinal rule…NO SHACKING!

oh, Peace :thumbsup:


#4

also there would be a concern about causing scandal. but i know my mother and step-father lived together before they wed (with us kids in the house too) for about a year, but for that year, my mother slept in another room.


#5

[quote=jrabs]Why would you even tempt yourself by sleeping in the same room? Maybe you are stronger than I am, but I would fail miserably in that situation.
God Bless you and guide you with your move and marriage.
[/quote]

It won’t be a tempt to me, we have the commitment to not have sex before marriage. I am strong, she is strong, and we have nothing to worry about. I want to know what the Catholic Church has to say about it, not what you have to say.


#6

[quote=space ghost]tell you what you do… take a 5 gallon can of gasoline every night to put between the beds… make sure you keep a candle lit and place it next to the can of gasoline so you won’t trip over it while walking in your sleep…
… come on… who are you kidding besides yourselves… shame on your parents for being that gullible as well… you guys are an explosion waiting to happen…
remember the cardinal rule…NO SHACKING!

oh, Peace :thumbsup:
[/quote]

It won’t be a tempt to me, we have the commitment to not have sex before marriage. I am strong, she is strong, and we have nothing to worry about. And I don’t think it would be safe to sleep next to a candle next to a 5 gallon can of gasoline. My parents trust us. They are not gullible.

I want to know what the Catholic Church has to say about it, not what you have to say.


#7

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]It won’t be a tempt to me, we have the commitment to not have sex before marriage. I am strong, she is strong, and we have nothing to worry about. I want to know what the Catholic Church has to say about it, not what you have to say.
[/quote]

if your interested in what the Catholic Church [only] has to say, why post here… call your local chancery office… i, like the last poster assumed (and that will get you in a bind) that you were interested in opinions from the members of this forum…

peace :thumbsup:


#8

[quote=Brain]also there would be a concern about causing scandal. but i know my mother and step-father lived together before they wed (with us kids in the house too) for about a year, but for that year, my mother slept in another room.
[/quote]

What sort of scandal??


#9

[quote=space ghost]if your interested in what the Catholic Church [only] has to say, why post here… call your local chancery office… i, like the last poster assumed (and that will get you in a bind) that you were interested in opinions from the members of this forum…

peace :thumbsup:
[/quote]

And my thought is that someone in this forum knows what the Catholic Church has to say about the situation.


#10

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]I was wondering what the Catholic Church says about the following situation. My fiance and I will be moving to Wisconsin. We will be living with my parents. We will sleep in the same room, but in different beds. We also have made a commitment of no sex before marriage.

Is this ok? Should we sleep in separate rooms, eventho we are in separate beds? I would appreciate some help. Thanks.

-Matt
[/quote]

Where I can appreciate your situation, I strongly recommend seperate bed rooms.


#11

[quote=dhgray]Where I can appreciate your situation, I strongly recommend seperate bed rooms.
[/quote]

As of right now, if I sleep in another room, I would be on a cot in the laundry room or in my dad’s office. I would prefer a bed over a cot. What do you think now?


#12

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]And my thought is that someone in this forum knows what the Catholic Church has to say about the situation.
[/quote]

ok, the church has no “OFFICIAL” teaching on your spending the night with someone of the opposite sex…

now, i would find it hard pressed to find any adult member of the laity or clergy over 30 that would recommend the arrangement you describe… i wish you luck with what ever you decide and peace :thumbsup:


#13

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]As of right now, if I sleep in another room, I would be on a cot in the laundry room or in my dad’s office. I would prefer a bed over a cot. What do you think now?
[/quote]

I think you are in a difficult situation. I understand you and your fiancée are strong but what would it say to her if you “suffered” for her before you were married. Stop being selfish and sleep on the cot. If nothing else, do it for her honor. Yes, you might not be doing anything, but you can’t stop people from talking.


#14

[quote=dhgray]I think you are in a difficult situation. I understand you and your fiancée are strong but what would it say to her if you “suffered” for her before you were married. Stop being selfish and sleep on the cot. If nothing else, do it for her honor. Yes, you might not be doing anything, but you can’t stop people from talking.
[/quote]

I understand what you are saying, but suffering for at least five months, and probably for over a year, I’m not sure I can risk permanent back pains just to sleep in separate rooms.


#15

You may not care what others think, however the Catholic Church does. Let me ask you a question, if your girlfriend were to share the same living arrangements with her old boyfriend, and you were to share these same arrangements with an old girlfriend, would the two of you be happy with those arrangements? I mean, you both know how strong you are. Doing something which “looks” questionable, leads others. All of your actions have effect on others. In addition to creating an enormous temptation for yourselves you’re creating scandal. For the definition of scandal see the Catechism of the Catholic Church. My prayers are with you, may the Holy Spirit guide you in your decision.


#16

[quote=Tom]You may not care what others think, however the Catholic Church does. Let me ask you a question, if your girlfriend were to share the same living arrangements with her old boyfriend, and you were to share these same arrangements with an old girlfriend, would the two of you be happy with those arrangements? I mean, you both know how strong you are. Doing something which “looks” questionable, leads others. All of your actions have effect on others. In addition to creating an enormous temptation for yourselves you’re creating scandal. For the definition of scandal see the Catechism of the Catholic Church. My prayers are with you, may the Holy Spirit guide you in your decision.
[/quote]

#1 - I would not live alone in the same apartment with anyone of the opposite sex.

#2 - We will not be tempted, and I’m SERIOUS about this, especially when we will be in the same house as my parents, my brother, and my sister.


#17

Hi,

There is more to “Living Together” than having relations.

Sharing a room, even in separate beds, is a very intimate experience.

I have always felt that this is why overnight retreats and slumber parties are very successful as bonding experiences.

One or two nights might work in unsusual circumstances … but I , along with many others, would recommend against you doing this as you have planned.

Before you are married you should give each other the privacy that you deserve.

This is a matter of honor.
This is a matter of temptation.
This is a matter of just plain common sense.

Believe me - I have used this same excuse and line of reasoning to rationalize staying with my girlfriend on weekend trips.

It doesn’t work !
Even if you both manage to stay “bodily chaste” you will have eroded the walls of bedroom intimacy before the marriage.

What if she snores, talks in her sleep, bites her toenails, looks bad in the morning and has bad breath ?

These are the things that the marriage vows and conjugal love will help you overlook in your spouse. You will not have these important componants to help you love what is unlovable about her. You might start reconsidering your marriage for the wrong reasons.

Be a “man” and make the difficult choice. Let her sleep in comfort and in privacy. Treat her like prized and precious jewel.

Where you sleep is unimportant. —

By the way - why don’t you two just get married soon and avoid this agony ?

todd


#18

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]As of right now, if I sleep in another room, I would be on a cot in the laundry room or in my dad’s office. I would prefer a bed over a cot. What do you think now?
[/quote]

So be it. Sleep on a cot. Sleeping on a cot is probably not gonna give you permanent back problems. Get to the chiropractor a few times before the wedding. Sounds like rationalization.

I am not trying to be harsh - honest. I do wish you many blessings and I just think this is one sure way to get even more blessings! It’s a form of self sacrifice - the fiber that a great marriage is built on.

Offer the discomforts of the cot up for the Holy Souls in purgatory as an early wedding gift in their honor.


#19

Forget I ever asked this question, I give up!!! :mad:


#20

[quote=ccwalker_uwp]Forget I ever asked this question, I give up!!! :mad:
[/quote]

I am sorry you did not hear what you wanted. We tried to help!


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