Living together but not having sex

I was trying to find something in the CCC but could not in regards to living together but not engaging in sexual intercourse. I know the church teaches that you should not cohabitate because it leads into temptation and eventual sin. But if someone says they are treating their relationship as brother and sister, does that still make it okay?


No, it is scandalous and is an occasion to sin. Move out until married. No need to test each other, lots of conversation is suitable.


It depends on certain things. If they have separate rooms, if they are boyfriend/girlfriend or just roommates. It is something that can cause scandal, but ultimately, only the couple involved know the truth of their situation.


I can’t imagine how living together but staying chaste could be a problem. No one should know if you are having sex or not!


Well that is why it is considered a problem. People assume things, (yes, incorrectly sometimes) and it leads others to think it is okay.


It isn’t the couples problem if others have a problem with assuming things. People should MYOB a lot more in life.


There’s actually a very important psychological reason that cohabitation before marriage is a bad idea.

If you’re living with someone who’s sharing your bills, you’re going to be less inclined toward communicating well when there’s a conflict. Conflict is avoided out of fear that half your rent will walk out the door if you have a disagreement. So you grin and bear it and never confront what needs to be confronted.

Marriage isn’t a magic spell that makes that tendency go away. You’ll continue to walk on eggshells and avoid confrontation, and eventually it will be more than you can handle.

For the sake of good relationship dynamics, don’t live together before marriage.



But I think most people live together. Most catholics I know have. I dont really consider their sex lives.

“Most people are doing it” is never a sufficiently good reason to do something.


Why is scandal bad? It is something I have not considered honestly.

That’s a prudential matter.

Regarding what the Catechism says about cohabitation, it is talking about people who are living together in an intimate, sexual relationship.

We pray “lead us not into temptation” and should live according. Guys and girls are different. The guy is surely being put to the test. If you are in marriage preparation classes for a Catholic marriage, those people can help enforce the message. But, don’t delay. Flee even the appearance of sin.

Do you have parents? They may be able to advise on alternatives?

True. But there could be potential benefits of knowing how another person lives or deals with domestic issues before one marries right? I suppose you dont need to live together to do that but how can having more information about the other person be a bad thing? Sometimes financially it can be a helpful thing. I just dont see why, if they are chaste its morally a problem. I could be wrong but I dont pay it much mind.


What if there is suspicion that it is not so?

Old expression : if you keep hanging around a barber shop, eventually you’ll get a haircut


Maybe they are bald!




Whose suspicion?

Other people’s “suspicions” don’t make what someone is doing wrong.


It is not for you to decide whether what others are doing is right. If you have suspicions, you should just keep that to yourself and not gossip.


Can’t they just keep ot a secret then?

It is still the sin of scandal, and the teaching of Holy Mother church is that unmarried persons can not live together before marriage plain and simple. There may be other bad Catholics who do it, they may not be having relations, and yes people shouldn’t assume things. It is still the sin of scandal though, and if you want to do what’s right, just follow teaching of Holy Mother Church.

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