I c/ped an article below as a reference.
I just read the article below, and it really opened by eyes a lot. I am 25 years old and have been married for 2 years, so I guess I am part of the generation that is being written about here, though I didn’t arrive at the mindset most people my age have. The article is full of the usual “test drive the car” analogies, etc. I always wonder why people choose to live together before marriage when the stats speak so much against it. What really gets me concerned is self-centeredness of the article. The author seems really concerned about the issue of closet space and laundry. Yes, these are important issues - but the truth is they pale in comparison to our real goal of marriage - to get our spouse to heaven. Nowhere in this article does the author speak of if her actions edify her partner, nowhere does it speak of his value as a person. His personhood is merely an obstacle for her to work out on her way to geting the laundry done. It made me really happy that I am able to say the goal of my marriage is to get my husband to heaven, with such a responsibility as that I barely have a time to waste feeling overwhelmed by him encroaching on my closet space
But I guess when you do not have that goal, the little things become the big things since there is nothing to measure them against. Anyways, I thought this might be a great opportunity for some of us to point from our personal experiences why it is NOT okay to live together before marriage. Article to follow.
**By Ami Angelowicz
(The Frisky) – It’s undeniable that marriage and relationships in general look nothing like they did 40 years ago. What’s happened? Women’s lib, skyrocketing divorce rates, the death of the nuclear family – and that’s just for starters. The whole game has changed.
A writer considers cohabitating before marriage crucial because it provides new insights into the other person.
Sometimes I think that each generation exhibits a reactionary trend to their predecessors.
I am part of the “divorced parents” era. Although my parents are still married, about 60 percent of all people I meet my age come from broken homes. While this phenomenon didn’t necessarily make us “anti-marriage,” it has certainly made us “marriage cautious” or “marriage disillusioned.”
As a modern woman I know the statistics – if I ever do tie the knot, I know it ain’t gonna be all sunshine and roses. And that’s why I plan to be as sure as I can possibly, possibly be.
Before I exchange any vows, I’ve made a vow to myself: I MUST live with someone before I marry them. I’m not alone in this thinking. About 70 percent of couples are cohabiting before marriage these days, according to research from the University of Denver.
Now, I’ve heard all this “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?” business (wait, why does it have to be a cow?). And guess what? I don’t care because it’s not about my milk; it’s about the farmer. That’s why when Jeff and I were getting serious, I felt the natural next step would be for us to move in together.
When people say, “You never really know someone until you live with them,” they are speaking the truth. Even though Jeff and I had been dating for a year before we moved in, I had no idea I would discover so many new things about him. The Frisky: How NOT to move in together
Our first major moving-in fight totally caught me off guard.
“No, I want half of the closet. We share this place,” he said, not laughing.
“Are you serious right now?”
“Yes.” And he was.
He proceeded to spread his four shirts out while I crunched my 50 million blouses, dresses, and pants into exactly one-half of the closet. The Frisky: Debate this – should you live together before marriage?
Another surprising moment was our first laundry time together.
“Can you throw my towel in with your wash?” I asked casually.
“No, I don’t really want to mix our laundry.”
“Wait – really?”
“Yeah … we should do our laundry separately.” I was speechless. The Frisky – How to survive the first 30 days of moving in together
Other things I learned about Jeff: He always paid his bills on time; he didn’t mind doing my dishes; he spent a great deal of time cataloging his music collection; he was frugal, except when he splurged on important purchases; he was consistent night and day; and, most importantly, he was an extremely caring and generous person (except when it came to closet space).
Living together is a two-way street. I’m sure Jeff had no idea that I hated doing dishes, slammed doors when I was angry, liked to eat out for almost every meal, couldn’t control myself around his ice cream, and hated to sit around the house doing nothing.
Even though Jeff and I ended up splitting after three years, I would not have traded the experience for anything. We’re still good friends and sometimes I call him up just to remind him about the closet fight. We both find it amusing in retrospect. Living with Jeff gave me a more realistic perspective of marriage and relationships.
That’s why I’m very skeptical about the recent University of Denver study that suggests that couples who live together before marriage have a way better chance of getting divorced. Really? The study suggests that couples who cohabitate may be entering into marriage for the wrong reasons – like financial convenience, testing out the waters, or because of a “We’re already here, why not?” mentality.
While the study may have a point, I don’t think it changes my mind in the least. The findings make me no less cautious about marriage. You’re damn straight I want to test-drive the car before I purchase it (to use another awful analogy). And believe me, this “cow” will be in the driver’s seat before she ties the knot. **