Living Together


#1

Ok, so I know The Church’s position on cohabitation, but does include living with someone of the opposite sex in ANY circumstance? What if they’re just a friend and there’s no temptation?


#2

some will say no issue others will say it is an issue as it gives the impression your doing something wrong


#3

Let’s clarify, the church does not teach against cohabitation with someone of the opposite sex (that would mean you couldn’t even be roomates with your sister). It teaches that you shouldn’t engage in premarital relations and so discourages against cohabitation because it is considered a near occasion of sin, and the Chruch teaches to avoid those.

I think you’ll get varying reactions, but I know several men who live either with their sisters or friends that have been girls. Now I could definately think of a scenario where this could turn into trouble, but again its a case by case basis. The person who is doing this knows their relationship more than any of us do, and so they are in the best position to make a decision based on what they think can or would happen.

Hope that helps!


#4

The main reason why someone would be against members of the opposite sex living together, with no temptation towards pre-marital sex, who are not related to eachother, would be the whole “scandal” it could cause to others, who don’t really know their situation. It looks bad to many.

Personally, I have two friends who are living together in that exact situation, and it’s not so much the scandal, but the thought that if I was dating the man, I don’t think I’d feel terribly comfortable with him living with another woman, even knowing both of them very well. The comfort level they have would make me jealous, even though it probably shouldn’t. I only want my spouse to have that kind of comfort level with ME and only ME, so I would have probably steered clear of someone who was living with a non-related member of the opposite sex.


#5

Speaking from experience, you are absolutely correct.
Kathy


#6

Here’s what I gather from what I have seen, experienced, read:

Two friends may not be attracted to each other at one point in time, thus making it seem like a situation like the one mentioned would not lead to temptation, but feelings can change. You never know exactly how your friend feels anyways.

There are some levels of “intimacy” that are not sexual, but should not be shared with someone of the opposite sex who is not family. Regardless of how you put it, there is a level of intimacy shared when you live with someone that is different than the one you would share if you didn’t live together. This may be related to what Lotusblossom was saying.

Even if it was not a source of temptation, it may affect the purity/modesty of the involved, losing sensitivity if nothing else.

It can be a source of scandal/bad example.

It could end up being an occasion of sin.

I do know several couples (married or that have broken up) that started as friends that were not attracted to each other.

From what I have seen, I think its best to steer away from this kind of situation.


#7

Maybe I should explain my situation in a little more detail. Don’t know that it will make a difference in responses, but…

I’m planning on moving out in the near future, but I don’t really have any guy friends who are single and/or who want to live in an apartment. So I was thinking about maybe renting a house with a group of people and inviting multiple friends to become roommates.


#8

I am assuming that all of these roomates would be girls? Or a couple?

Have you thought about asking around your parish? Are you in high school, college, graduated and in a job?

I know its tough to ask so many people but you might want to try asking any male acquaintance you know. The tough part is at least where I live most people are moving during the summer months, so many people might not be available. Is there no way you could get a studio apartment so you could live by yourself? Again at least in my town its usually an extra $100-200/month to live in a single. That’s average.

Anyways sorry I can’t help you very much becuse I don’t know what city you live in.


#9

No, I would not want to be the only guy in a house of all girls. I was thinking a mix.

I’m gaduated and have job, which is another part of my problem. I’m not interested in living with the college party atmosphere. I get up WAY too early in the morning to be staying up late partying or not being able to sleep because my roommate is.

The difference in living on my own and having a roommate would be anywhere from $100 to $500 depending on whether it’s an apartment vs house and how many roommates.


#10

That might even be worse (even if you are never attracted to any of the girls, it may be a temptation for any combination of the others). Anyways, if you weren’t the only guy you had in mindhis living arrangement, then maybe you could try to room with one or two of the other guys you had in mind.


#11

From what I understand cohabitation refers to a couple who lives together as if they were husband and wife and are romantically involved and sleep in the same bedroom.

From what I understand cohabitation does NOT refer to roommates (of opposite sexes) who are not romantically involved, and sleep in seperate bedrooms.

In college I lived with 1 girl and 2 guys. The girl and I shared the master bedroom, and the guys had their own rooms. We split the bills accordingly, got along fine, and no romantic involvement happened, whatsoever. We all lived like we were brothers and sisters.

I guess it helped that all 4 of us were serious about school. We didn’t party much and we were all very mature for our age…


#12

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